All the Kim'N'Kris noise for the week.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Star

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I do hope that Kim Kardashian's star is fading, but I'm not silly enough to expect she would vanish from the gossip rags overnight.  There are four stories about her this week, one which ignores her estranged husband and will be reported separately.  Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim to Kris: Stop calling me fat!
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim alone for the holidays
• Star: Kim's bombshell: Kris is gay!
  Secret behind marriage disaster
  He wouldn't touch her after the honeymoon
  what Khloe saw
  NOW Kris vows to DESTROY the Kardashians

Hairdresser Alert™: One of the Twilight hunks is gay!

Publication: Star

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Now that the latest installment of the Twilight movies is out, expect the level of planted crap to rise.  Star has a mean streak even when it prints planted crap, and they say one of the young men in this picture (Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner) is coming out soon.  here are the headlines.

• Twilight hunk: I'm gay!
• Who will make the shocking announcement?

Not that it means a thing, but Kellan is the only one who hasn't had his name plastered all over the gossip rags famously squiring a lovely young thing.  Rob is still deeply in gossip mag love with Kristen Stewart (see story above, also planted crap), while Taylor Lautner was dating Taylor Swift a few boyfriends back.

Both or either of those could be smokescreens.  Just sayin'.

Hairdresser alert™: Rob Kardashian gay shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Rob Kardashian!  No one really cares about Kardashians with penises, but now that he's on Dancing With The Stars, the Enquirer decided to say he's involved in some "gay shocker!"

Doesn't being famous look like just the funnest thing ever?

Meanest story nominee and Hairdresser Alert™: The low rent Examiner outs a couple gay Johns and one Jean-Claude

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner has a headline about an alleged new tell all book about Gay Hollywood. While they include the headline "Who's Gay and Who's Not!", by putting pictures of celebrities on the front cover, they put those actors under a cloud of suspicion.

Non of these actors has had a single headline in the tabloids in the past two years before this one.


The first is John Cusack.

The second is John Amos.


And the last outed John is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

I'm not the most avid follower of these kinds of stories, but I will say I've heard rumors about one of these actors before.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

And as always, stay classy, low rent Examiner!

Meanest story nominee and Hairdresser Alert™: Russell Armstrong's gay lover tells all!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Let the record show that while Taylor Armstrong was on the cover of several gossip rags because she was too skinny, The Only Ten Magazines That Matter ignored her husband Russell until the Enquirer wrote an article that said he beat her and put her in the hospital, and while the article was still on the stands, he committed suicide.



Now, after possibly driving the man to suicide, the Enquirer decides to kick a corpse and talk to his alleged gay lover. They also add the sub-headline "Housewives suicide tragedy!" just in case you forgot why this guy should be on the cover of a gossip rag.



I don't think outing a person is the worst thing in the world, but if that person isn't an anti-gay political figure like Marcus Bachmann or Rick Perry, I don't see the point.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not among TV anchors.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 15 August 2011



The low rent Examiner goes with another who's gay and who isn't story, this time about people in TV news. Here's the list of people who are officially out.

• Rachel Maddow
• Don Lemon

Here's the people who are not officially out.

• Anderson Cooper
• Sam Champion
• Matt Lauer

This is the first mention on the tabloid covers for Maddow, Lemon and Champion. The Enquirer published a story outing Cooper last year, though he has made no official comment. All the previous stories about Matt Lauer implied he was a heterosexual man slut.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for July 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer has its second homosexual speculation cover of the year with a lot of people who haven't been mentioned in any context in the supermarket rags in a year and a half.

Here are the supermarket rag newbies.

• Vin Diesel
• Sarah Silverman (seen kissing Jessica Biel)
• Amy Yasbeck (identified as John Ritter's widow, also shown kissing a woman)

Here are people who have been mention in the tabloids before, though none had been in one of these big gay (or not) line-ups before.

• Jessica Biel (kissing Sarah Silverman)
  
• Kiefer Sutherland (kissing some guy)
• Hines Ward (winner of Dancing With The Stars)
• Wynonna Judd (who allegedly has a gay secret)
• Vanna White (why she's still single)
  

Love Bird Alert™ with a side order of hairdresser: Jen and Justin move forward!

Publications: National Enquirer, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 27 June 2011

More stories about Jen and Justin. Us Weekly called them "Justifer" on their website. I pray to Odin, Vishnu and the little baby Jebus that doesn't catch on. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jen & Justin moving in!
• OK!: Jen & Justin: Moving too fast!
• National Enquirer: Jen discovers new boyfriend's gay secret
  

Do you notice a subtle difference in the editorial choices? I thought you might.

Hairdresser Alert™: Bin Laden's secret gay life.

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe says Osama Bin Laden had a secret gay life. Before this, the only clue was when the Weekly World News announced his marriage to Kim Jong Il.

Bin Laden was not a hot gossip topic before he died, but the AMI kennel is going to town on him now. Just a few more stories and he'll be up there with Liz Taylor and Gary Coleman as a top dead celebrity.

Hairdresser Alert™:The Real World's Dustin explains his gay past.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 23 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Dustin Zito! The current cast member of The Real World, the show that started the plague we ironically call "reality TV", was in gay porn back in the day, and now he feels the need to explain it.

I cannot count the number of ways I do not want to know about this.

Meanest Story nominee: Obama's gay lover attempts suicide

Publication: Globe
Date: 28 March 2011

The Globe, hoping to tap into the regressive backlash in the country today, tells us Larry Sinclair, a man who claims he did drugs and had gay sex with Barack Hussein Rock Hudson Obama back in the day, has attempted suicide.

This story gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Prince Harry's wild gay party.

Publication: Globe
Date: 7 March 2011

Prince Harry is more or less the forgotten royal family member these days, so the Globe shows the young man a little attention by starting a relatively new rumor that he's a big old gay boy. Of course, they also have to say that this rumor will rock the royal wedding.

You know, the one Harry is only peripherally involved in as the planner of the bachelor party?

This gets a Meanest Story nomination.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for February 2011.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 February 2011

Do you ever get tired of story after story about who is gay and who isn't in Hollywood? If so, you probably do not have a future career as a writer in the AMI kennel, most especially at the low rent Examiner. There are nine people pictured on the cover this week.

Here are the ones who are openly gay.

• Neil Patrick Harris
• Jane Lynch
• Meredith Baxter

Here are the ones who aren't, and personally I consider it none of my business with whom they are having sex.

• Paula Deen
• Jon Cryer
• Marcia Cross (rumors a few years ago, all denied)
• Simon Cowell (there are more rumors about someone else on Idol)
  
• Alex Trebek
• Michael Weatherly

I do not know what the article said about these people and I really don't care, because the low rent Examiner lies through their teeth way too often.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Country music gay scandals.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 17 January 2011

The low rent Examiner puts a bunch of pictures on the cover under the headline "Country Music Gay Scandals!" Among the people listed are:

• Kenny Chesney
• Brice Glenn
• Chely Wright
• Garth Brooks
• Miss Loretta Lynn

I put up the picture of Chely Wright because she is the only openly gay country music singer currently and because she is purdy.



I put up the picture of the disapproving rabbit because the low rent Examiner is talking trash about Miss Loretta Lynn. I have no idea of Miss Loretta's orientation and would not think less of her no matter what. If it's a lie, the rabbit disapproves of lies. If it's the truth, the rabbit disapproves of diving into the secrets of Miss Loretta Lynn for no good reason.

In either case, shame on the low rent Examiner.

Hairdresser Alert™:The real reason Richard Chamberlain hid being gay

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 January 2011

The Globe is ripping the lid off of the shocking secret of why Richard Chamberlain kept his true orientation a secret.

Like fifty years ago.

I just read the headline and not the story, but I think the real reason is he wanted to keep working. Even now, several generations later, it's the rare openly gay actor who gets regular work, especially among those expected to play romantic leads.

Neil Patrick Harris' twin bliss

Publication: People
Date: 10 January 2011

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are now the proud papas of fraternal twins, and People has the exclusive story.

Best wishes to the happy family.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for January 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 January 2011

Once again, The Flagship wants to tell you who is gay and who isn't. Several of the women mentioned have kissed other women on the lips onstage, which obviously has the Enquirer readers in a tizzy, and several of the men have dressed in drag. Here is the list.

• Sandra Bullock
• Scarlett Johansson
• Susan Boyle
• Tracy Morgan
• Kathy Griffin
• Dustin Hoffman
• Macaulay Culkin

And then there's... Sarah Palin?!?

They even added the subheadline "her lesbian secret".

As my Comfy Shoe wearing friends have written when I told them this... WTF?

I'm not buying it, Flagship, and I hate the bitch.

Hairdresser Alert™:Carrie Fisher confesses John Travolta is gay.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 27 December 2010

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Flagship decides to take an interview Carrie Fisher gave to The Advocate and spread it to a completely different audience. Ms. Fisher, who can be a very funny writer and has always had a mouth on her, said in an interview with the gay magazine that it is a well-known secret in Hollywood that John Travolta is gay and she's sorry he is so uncomfortable with it.

I have two problems with this story.

One, if someone isn't a gay-bashing politician/preacher/whatever and he wants to keep his sexuality private, I say let him keep it private.

Two, the word "confess" in that sentence. If she said she herself was gay, that would be a confession. Telling a third party somebody else's secrets is not and can never be a confession. It's usually called "ratting" or "snitching" and there are good reasons why rats and snitches have a bad reputation.

Stay classy, Carrie, and as always, stay classy, Enquirer.

40 Biggest scandals and shockers of 2010

Publication: Globe
Date: 20 December 2010

When December rolls around, many publications do a year end review, and the Globe is the first of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter to do one in 2010. The kinds of scandals and shockers they promise inside include:

• suicide
• cheating
• gay secrets
• murder
• medical dramas

The pictures that go along with these headlines are Jonbenet Ramsey, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Prince Charles, Marie Osmond, Penny Marshall and Gary Coleman. I'll let you play the match-up game yourself, but be careful! There are people on this list who probably get mentioned in more than one category.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ with a side of hairdresser:Osama Bin Laden marries Kim Jong Il

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 20 December 2010

They aren't the great source of wonderful news they used to be, but I still love the Weekly World News. This week, they tell us that Osama Bin Laden has married the owner of the Oakland Raiders, Al Davis, sometimes referred to in the press as Kim Jong Al.

Wait, my bad... that's Kim Jong Il. I have a hard time telling those guys apart.

Of course, there is a major difference in religions between the two, but they have agreed that any children they bring into the world will be raised in the Death To America faith.