Meanest story nominee: Hollywood's nastiest Mother-Daughter feuds!

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

After going missing from Oakland newspaper racks last week, the low rent Examiner is back and ready to compete in the Meanest Story competition with a grab bag story about the moms and daughters who just don't get along.  With moms listed first, the three pairs named on the cover are: 

• Nancy Reagan and Patti Davis
• Martha and Alexis Stewart
• Susan Jordan and Meg Ryan

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Super stinky stars.

Publication: Star

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Star has a huge grab bag story dominating the front cover of dish from stylists. While none of it is very flattering, they have a small section of pictures of celebrities who smell bad. They include:

• Brad Pitt, who has B.O.
• Robert Pattinson, afficted with foot fungus
• rocker Lenny Kravitz,  also with bad body odor and
• Daren Kagasoff, who has bad breath

This is the first mention in the tabloids for Kravitz and Kagasoff. Kagasoff is the star of the Disney TV show The Secret Life of an American Teenager, but he does not get the label DisneyTeen, because he wasn't a teenager when principal photography began on the show back in 2008.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: The low rent Examiner has another Sad Last Days collection.

 Publication: National Examiner

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

For the fourth time this year, the low rent Examiner goes on a hypothetical killing spree and tells us who is going to die soon.  As usual, their list has a lot of TV stars from the 1960s and 1970s and only one true Hollywood legend.

Welcome to gossip hell, Robert Conrad!

Welcome to gossip hell, Andy Williams! He announced his cancer on stage a few weeks back.  That must have been a fun night out for his fans.

Miss Lauren Bacall has been mentioned before, but this is her first time being slated for death.

Don't worry too much, Miss Bacall.  They aren't that good at predicting these things.

This is also Rose Marie's first time on a tabloid death watch list.

And then there's Penny Marshall, by far the youngest person on the list but the only one who has already been marked for death by the gossip rags.  If fact, she has an expiration date in the spring of next year.

If it's any consolation, they aren't particularly good at guessing the date people will die.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Pregnant Kate's brain tumor drama!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

The Globe takes two very sketchy rumors about Kate Middleton and turns them into a serious problem.  First, they go with the rumor she's is pregnant - a rumor now entering its eighth month, by the way - and then adds in the worst possible diagnosis from the scar on Kate's head. Here are the headlines.

• The tragic story behind her secret surgery
• Will she live long enough to see her baby grow?

It is good to remember that any time the word "drama" is in a gossip rag headline, this is secret code for "we got nothing".

Since there is speculation about her longevity, this counts as a Not Long 4 This World story, though to my mind the weakest possible level, and of course, gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Miss Loretta Lynn has weeks to live.

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

For those of you keeping track, this is now the fifth story in two years in the gutter press predicting the death of Miss Loretta Lynn.  What it really means is there is some over-dramatic Judas with a connection to Miss Lynn who is making money funneling mean stories to the Globe and the low rent Examiner.  Here are this week's headlines.

• Loretta Lynn dying!
• New hospital drama!
• Only weeks to live - pals fear

Let me note that it was two months ago when the headline about Miss Loretta read "THE END".  By saying "weeks to live", I've given this post an "Expiration Date" label and I arbitrarily set the date at the end of the year.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her friends and family, from a fan.  I exclude the "friends" who keeping blabbing bad stuff about her to the tabloids.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Not Long 4 This World and Meanest Story nominee: Barbra Streisand battles deadly disease!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

There are two new additions to the Tabloid Vulture list this week and they battle it out for Meanest Story of the Week with Steve Jobs, who allegedly died because he was a Buddhist.  The Enquirer, which has previously published that Barbra Striesand is a hoarder whose marriage is on the rocks, now says she has a deadly cancer.  Here are the headlines.

• Breaking news! Streisand cancer bombshell!
• Barbra's battle with deadly disease
• Husband James by her side
• Her new nightmare after colon surgery

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Penny Marshall has six months to live!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Penny Marshall has been on the Brave Last Days list since last year and the stories about her have been in the Globe. I assumed they thought her life was in danger because of her weight, but instead it was about an alleged cancer diagnosis. In August, the Globe reported a nice story that she had lost weight and the cancer was gone. Here are this week's headlines.

• Penny Marshall dying
• Her cancer is back
• Six months to live
• Race against time to write tell all book
• Then and now pictures

Best wishes to Ms. Marshall, her family and friends. This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Michael Douglas marked for death!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Michael Douglas is no stranger to the tabloids saying he's going to die. While he lived through one expiration date earlier this year, he has yet another one coming up at Thanksgiving.

This time it's not the cancer but the Mexican drug cartel, if you can believe it. The Enquirer says his ne'er-do-well son Cameron has ratted on the Mexicans and they are going to come after his family or that's at least what "insiders fear".

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bells Done Rung Alert™ and co-Meanest Story of the Week: Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell.

Publications: National Enquirer, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Two stories about a 68 year old Beatle getting hitched for the third time, and they are as different as chalk and cheese. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Paul's wedding!
  How he found love again
• National Enquirer: Paul McCartney
  Bride linked to the mob!

There will be two stories about death in contention for Meanest Story of the Week as of tomorrow, but to tell a story like this about a bride has to count as Co-Meanest Story of the Week, and so I have named it.

Meanest story nominee: The only country catfight that matters.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

The low rent Examiner has one of those grab bag Who Hates Whom stories on their cover this week, this time dealing with women of country music. I'm ignoring the two preliminary fights to make the main event a Meanest Story of the Week nominee.

According to the low rent Examiner, Miss Loretta Lynn is in a tussle with...

Miss Dolly Parton.

Regular readers will know that when I call some lady "Miss", this means I take a dim view of anyone saying bad things about them.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Rick Perry's ties to the Ku Klux Klan!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 October 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Rick Perry! Commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive tells me that Austin is abuzz with sexual rumors about Governor Goodhair, but the Enquirer begins their attack on him by saying he's tied to the Klan.

I say "begins their attack" because the Enquirer is tenacious, if not always accurate. Other politicians they went after in the past couple of years include Sarah Palin, Al Gore and John Edwards.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee and Not Long 4 This World alert: Barry Manilow's deadly heart condition.

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Globe editors have decided their readers would really like to hear bad news about the great hit songwriter Barry Manilow. In June, it was a plastic surgery disaster. Now, he has a deadly heart condition.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Michelle Obama spends $10 million of YOUR tax dollars on vacation!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids have been attacking the people in the White House since at least Bill Clinton, but there have been several stories of a different nature about the Obamas that imply that they are stealing from the American People.

You know... because they're colored.

Here are this week's headlines about Michelle Obama from the low rent Examiner.

• Michelle Obama spends $10 m of your tax dollars on vacation
• Special report
• Taxpayers sue to get it back
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Doris Day pleads for your prayers in her sad last days

Publication: Sun
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

For the second time in 2011, the Sun has a set of predictions supposed to occur this year that includes a Brave Last Days alert. In June, they said a weeping statue would herald Billy Graham going home to heaven, and now they say Doris Day wants your prayers in her Sad Last Days.

If it's any consolation to either Mr. Graham or Ms. Day, as bad as the tabloid vultures are at predicting death, the Sun and their prophecies are even worse.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Loretta Lynn. THE END

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

Once again, the vultures of the tabloid press go after Miss Loretta Lynn, this time pumping the warning up to Defcon Whatever. The only other celebrity to get "THE END" treatment was Miss Elizabeth Taylor and she was dead within six weeks of that.

As always, best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Obama breaks down after booze binge!

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



The Globe tells us that Barack Hussein Montgomery Clift Obama cannot hold his liquor and has collapsed after a booze binge. According to the headline, rehab is the secret behind his recent $5 million vacation.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Travolta's secret separation.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 August 2011



Yet again, the Enquirer's war on fat Scientologists continues unabated. According to some "pal" they talked to, John Travolta has left his wife Kelly Preston and their marriage is shattered. The same "pal" reports the quote "Kelly and I have become strangers."



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Kate's miscarriage drama!

Publication: Globe

Date: 22 August 2011



We have already had several rumors about Kate Middleton being pregnant, so the Globe ups the ante with one about her having a miscarriage. The Globe claims a "world exclusive" and tells us William has rushed to her side. He does that a lot.



It's easy to have world exclusives when you are just making stuff up.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Justin Theroux's heroin and cocaine addiction!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 15 August 2011



Justin Theroux still isn't really famous by tabloid standards. He's still "Jen's Man" in the headlines, including this headline in the Enquirer this week about "his dark past" as a cocaine and heroin abuser. Looking online, I have seen no confirmation of this story anywhere.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Michael Douglas' NEW cancer shocker.

Publication: Star
Date: 1 August 2011

Michael Douglas' health problems were all over the tabloids late last year, but after several predictions of his imminent demise, one of which came with a deadline that has already passed with the star still alive, the story was pretty much dropped. Now, Star has a grainy telephoto picture of him smoking and these headlines.

• Smoking again and fighting for his life
• Catherine struggles as they run away from it all
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.