Meanest story nominee: Hollywood's nastiest Mother-Daughter feuds!

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

After going missing from Oakland newspaper racks last week, the low rent Examiner is back and ready to compete in the Meanest Story competition with a grab bag story about the moms and daughters who just don't get along.  With moms listed first, the three pairs named on the cover are: 

• Nancy Reagan and Patti Davis
• Martha and Alexis Stewart
• Susan Jordan and Meg Ryan

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Nancy Reagan collapses as daughter poses nude!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 13 June 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Patti Davis! The 58 year old daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan is obviously upset that her brother Ron could give mom an aneurysm with his statement that Dad had Alzheimer's while in office, so she tries to give Nancy Dearest a full myocardial infarction by posing nude.

The low rent Examiner says the stunt had its intended effect and Nancy collapsed.

Stuff is always ruining her life. She's such a drama queen. Hon, just realize your kids hate you and move on with your life.

Karma's a bitch and so are you. Deal.

He Fought The Law Alert™: Sicko who shot Reagan freed!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 April 2011

The low rent Examiner puts their own slant on the true story that John Hinckley, Jr., the attempted assassin of Ronald Reagan, is still in a mental institution but is awarded many freedoms, including visits with his mom. On some of his trips, he is not escorted by people from the institution, but he is always followed by the Secret Service.

According to the low rent Examiner, the widow Reagan is horrified.

Well, good. She has been a stone cold bitch to everyone on the planet who initials aren't Ronald Wilson Reagan, and if she lives out her last few years in fear and sadness, it's no more than she deserves.

Not that I feel strongly about this.

Brave Last Days Alert: Nancy Reagan dying of a broken heart.

Publication: Globe
Date: 21 March 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been going over the whole idea of a feud in the Reagan family again and again this year, and the Globe repeats last week's story from the low rent Examiner that the family squabble is actually killing Nancy Reagan.

These magazines love to tell us old ladies are dying, but I feel duty bound to say that for every person who's gotten the Brave Last Days treatment since the beginning of 2010 who has actually died, there are nine people on the list who are still alive.

Best wishes to Nancy Reagan, her family and friends.

Meanest Story nominee: Feud over Sarah Palin rips Reagan family apart!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 28 February 2010

Sarah Palin clearly wanted to be rich and famous, and now she is.

How's that workin' out for ya, hon?

This week, the low rent Examiner says that there is a big disagreement in the Reagan family over the usefulness of this politician turned celebrity. The names of people involved in the "feud" are not given on the cover, but it's probably Ron Reagan Jr. against Michael, the conservative older Reagan.

In any case, the low rent Examiner says the kerfuffle is breaking Nancy's heart.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Reagan family war explodes!

Publication: Globe
Date: 7 February 2011

The Globe returns to a story they got right earlier this year, that Nancy Reagan is mightily upset at her youngest Ron Jr., who had the gall to print what everybody looking at the facts already knows, that daddy Ronnie was showing signs of Alzheimer's while he was in office, though the official diagnosis happened afterwards. Since the Globe calls it a war, some of the other children may be involved. It's interesting that those that sprung from the loins of Nancy are fairly liberal, while the older kids, adopted Michael and Jane Wyman spawn Maureen, are part of the "Dad was the greatest" crowd.

The late Reagan's 100th birthday is coming up, so expect to hear conservatives tell us what a terrific success he was, except for the parts about massively increasing the debt, funding Osama Bin Laden, getting 200+ Marines killed in Lebanon for no good reason, trading arms for hostages and breaking international law by funding the Contras and committing acts of war like mining Nicaragua's ports.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Nancy furious as Ronnie is betrayed in a tell-all book!

Publication: Globe
Date: 10 January 2011

There's nothing the supermarket rags love more than a tell-all book that will make some celebrity furious. This time, the alleged publication is by Ron Reagan Jr., and he gives details about his dad's battle with Alzheimer's Disease. Of course, Nancy, official polisher of the tomb, wants nothing to diminish the love people have for Ronnie, so the fruit of her loins is to be cast aside and made to wander in the wilderness.

In all fairness, I have to say that staged family photos back in the sixties were often awkward, but this one takes awkward and elevates it to an art form.

Burying the Hatchet alert:Nancy Reagan and Betty Ford kiss and make up

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 22 November 2010

According to the low rent Examiner, Nancy Reagan and Betty Ford have been feuding for decades, but now they have decided to kiss and make up. Looking online, the stories that mention both of them include Nancy winning the Betty Ford award in 1988 for her contribution to breast cancer awareness.

I don't know if the story is true or not, but it did give me a chance to invent a new label dealing with a feud being over, since this is the first time this year such a story has been published in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. After all, we can't all have the tenacity of Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland.

Now that's feuding at its finest.