Meanest story nominee: Muhammad Ali has six months to live!

Publication: Globe

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier.  Here are the headlines.

• Muhammad Ali: Six months to live, friends fear
• New tragedy after Joe Frazier dies

 At least the great champ Frazier get some acknowledgment. Best wishes to Ali, his family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Miss Loretta Lynn has weeks to live.

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

For those of you keeping track, this is now the fifth story in two years in the gutter press predicting the death of Miss Loretta Lynn.  What it really means is there is some over-dramatic Judas with a connection to Miss Lynn who is making money funneling mean stories to the Globe and the low rent Examiner.  Here are this week's headlines.

• Loretta Lynn dying!
• New hospital drama!
• Only weeks to live - pals fear

Let me note that it was two months ago when the headline about Miss Loretta read "THE END".  By saying "weeks to live", I've given this post an "Expiration Date" label and I arbitrarily set the date at the end of the year.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her friends and family, from a fan.  I exclude the "friends" who keeping blabbing bad stuff about her to the tabloids.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Robin Gibb THE END

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Robin Gibb.  The 61 year old member of the Bee Gees was recently hospitalized and looks very thin, so the Globe gives him no chance to live for much longer. Here are the headlines.

• Robin Gibb THE END
• Bee Gees tragedy!
• Now 97 lbs!

Best wishes to Robin Gibb, his family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days alert: Larry Hagman's last wish.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

The low rent Examiner tells us Larry Hagman is cancer stricken and that his last wish is to outlive his dying wife.

Meanest Story nominee: Penny Marshall has six months to live!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Penny Marshall has been on the Brave Last Days list since last year and the stories about her have been in the Globe. I assumed they thought her life was in danger because of her weight, but instead it was about an alleged cancer diagnosis. In August, the Globe reported a nice story that she had lost weight and the cancer was gone. Here are this week's headlines.

• Penny Marshall dying
• Her cancer is back
• Six months to live
• Race against time to write tell all book
• Then and now pictures

Best wishes to Ms. Marshall, her family and friends. This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Sad Last Days for stars from 60 Minutes.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Mike Wallace and Andy Rooney! The low rent Examiner aims directly for their old as dirt demographic with stories about these guy who have been ticking longer than that damn stop watch. Here are the headlines.

• Mike Wallace fading fast
• Andy Rooney forced out

For those of you keeping track of such things, Mike Wallace is 92 and Andy Rooney is the snot-nosed kid of this duo at 91.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Charlie Sheen has six months to live! (Friends fear.)

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

The supermarket rags do not usually hover over the truly flaming hot messes of Hollywood. If they did, Charlie Sheen would have become a fixture in the top ten celebrities list. The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are much more interested in the love lives of Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston.

But after a flurry of stories in March, Charlie has had only two headlines in the mags since until this week, when he moves from the Brave Last Days list to the Expiration Date list. According to the low rent Examiner, his friends fear he has only six months to live. It should be noted that it was the low rent Examiner that put Charlie on the Not Long 4 This World list last year when it reported Martin Sheen was trying to intervene to save his son.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Barbara Bush's sad last days!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Barbara Bush is added to the tabloid vulture watch list this week because she's missing her granddaughter's wedding. The low rent Examiner is missing the possibility that the elder Mrs. Bush is just a "rhymes with witch" and doesn't like the granddaughter.

Last year, the low rent Examiner said that George H.W. Bush gave his ne'er-do-well son George and ultimatum to fix his marriage before the old man died, so he is also on the tabloid vulture watch list.

Whatever I think of their politics, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Doris Day pleads for your prayers in her sad last days

Publication: Sun
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

For the second time in 2011, the Sun has a set of predictions supposed to occur this year that includes a Brave Last Days alert. In June, they said a weeping statue would herald Billy Graham going home to heaven, and now they say Doris Day wants your prayers in her Sad Last Days.

If it's any consolation to either Mr. Graham or Ms. Day, as bad as the tabloid vultures are at predicting death, the Sun and their prophecies are even worse.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Loretta Lynn. THE END

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

Once again, the vultures of the tabloid press go after Miss Loretta Lynn, this time pumping the warning up to Defcon Whatever. The only other celebrity to get "THE END" treatment was Miss Elizabeth Taylor and she was dead within six weeks of that.

As always, best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Kirk Douglas' Brave Last Days.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 15 August 2011

The low rent Examiner gives a Brave Last Days cover story to Kirk Douglas, one of the last great Hollywood stars from the 1940s and 1950s who is still with us. The story says he has trouble walking and talking, and anyone who saw this year's Oscars knows this is true and it has been for a while. He had a stroke in 1996, he's 94 years old, but he's still got a lot of piss and vinegar in him, bless him.

Best wishes to Kirk Douglas, his family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Miss Doris Day's dying wish!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 11 July 2011

The season has recently changed so it must be time for our quarterly "Doris Day is dying!" alert. The Globe had three of these stories last year and now the low rent Examiner publishes its second this year. (Once this year, Miss Day was comforting a dying James Garner instead of dying herself.) They add the detail that there is a tragic secret she is keeping from her fans.

In terms of repeated warnings, Miss Doris Day is far behind the treatment the vultures of the gutter press gave Miss Elizabeth Taylor, but slightly ahead of the number of times we've been told Billy Graham is soon to meet his maker.

Best wishes to Miss Day, her family, friends and pets.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Five MORE celebs get the Sad Last Days treatment.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 27 June 2011

The low rent Examiner had their usual big cover page to fill and their typical lack of actual reporters to find stories, so they just picked five names of celebrities who have been famous a very long time and report to us that they are on their last legs. Four of these actors are new to the Brave Last Days treatment, one is a repeat customer.

New to the list is Maureen O'Hara, still the gold standard when it comes to red-headed fabulosity in Hollywood.


Also new is Peter Falk.

UPDATE: Peter Falk died a week after this story appeared on Friday, June 24, 2011.


Jack Klugman hasn't looked or sounded very good for a while, but he's still with us.


Angela Lansbury has been mentioned in the tabs over the past two years, but this is the first report of her imminent demise.


And last on the list is James Garner. This is the third time the tabloids have said he was gonna die in the past two years, the first time back in May of 2010.

Best wishes to all the stars, their family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Billy Graham goes home to die.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 6 June 2011

The low rent Examiner tries to kill off evangelist Billy Graham one more time. The 92 year old preacher was hospitalized this month, but he recovered and was sent home. The most despicable and desperate gossip rag says it was only done so he could die in the comfort of his home and he will die "within weeks".

It should be noted that the low rent Examiner had Graham's "final wish" back in May 2010 and his final message to America back just before Christmas. Usually, I would think a recently hospitalized 92 year old probably is getting close to the end, but when you realize he is both young and in better condition than Zsa Zsa Gabor.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days Alert:Bob Barker one more time.

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been trying to kill off Bob Barker since last September. Here are the latest headlines.

• Tearful Bob Barker's Sad Last Days!
• 'Price Is Right' legend, 87, in new medical drama

Best wishes to Bob Barker, his family and friends.

Brave Last Days Alert and Meanest Story nominee: Larry Fortensky brain damaged and dying!

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe isn't quite through with Miss Elizabeth Taylor just yet. They put a story on the cover that her last husband, construction worker Larry Fortensky, is brain damaged and dying, and that Liz left him $1,000,000 in her will.

Best wishes to Mr. Fortensky. This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days Alert: the low rent Examiner tells us about a bunch of country stars.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner goes all fire sale with a Brave Last Days cover story about country and western music stars. Yes, everyone must go, eventually at least. Among the people they pick for the reaper are Jerry Lee Lewis, who has been mentioned before, and newcomers Roy Clark, George Jones, Donna Fargo and...

(wait for it!)

Miss Kitty Wells!

You could knock me down with a feather. I had no idea Miss Kitty was still with us. All those things I said about Miss Loretta Lynn being the last great star of country music, well... I was just talking out of my hat, so to speak.

Best wishes to all the people mentioned, all their families and all their friends, but most of all, best wishes to Miss Kitty Wells, still the Queen of Country Music.

Brave Last Days Alert: Doris Day comforts dying James Garner.

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 April 2011

I haven't been able to find a copy of the low rent Examiner in Oakland this week, so if we want to hear about stars from the 1960s on their last legs, we'll just have to do with the Globe. According to this Wicked Step Sister, Doris Day has reached out to comfort her co-star from Move Over, Darling and The Thrill of it All, since they say he is going to die soon.

The Globe had a Brave Last Days alert for Mr. Garner back in May 2010. Ms. Day has been slated for death three times in 2010 by the Globe and once this year by the low rent Examiner.

Best wishes to all involved.

Meanest story nominee: Dick Van Dyke's Sad Last Days

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 4 April 2011

Here's a quick checklist.

1. Did you star on an American TV show during the 1960s?
2. Were you an adult at the time?
3. Are you still alive?

If you answered "yes" to all three questions, then the low rent Examiner (or possibly the Globe) would like you to know you will not be answering yes to question #3 for very much longer.

Dick Van Dyke gets introduced to the Brave Last Days list, a list that currently has the names of sixty three people who are still alive while the correct predictions since the beginning of 2010 now stand at eight since the passing of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.

Best wishes to Mr. Van Dyke, his family and friends, from a fan.

This is a Meanest Story nominee.

Brave Last Days Alert: Nancy Reagan dying of a broken heart.

Publication: Globe
Date: 21 March 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been going over the whole idea of a feud in the Reagan family again and again this year, and the Globe repeats last week's story from the low rent Examiner that the family squabble is actually killing Nancy Reagan.

These magazines love to tell us old ladies are dying, but I feel duty bound to say that for every person who's gotten the Brave Last Days treatment since the beginning of 2010 who has actually died, there are nine people on the list who are still alive.

Best wishes to Nancy Reagan, her family and friends.