Meanest story nominee: The low rent Examiner has another Sad Last Days collection.

 Publication: National Examiner

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

For the fourth time this year, the low rent Examiner goes on a hypothetical killing spree and tells us who is going to die soon.  As usual, their list has a lot of TV stars from the 1960s and 1970s and only one true Hollywood legend.

Welcome to gossip hell, Robert Conrad!

Welcome to gossip hell, Andy Williams! He announced his cancer on stage a few weeks back.  That must have been a fun night out for his fans.

Miss Lauren Bacall has been mentioned before, but this is her first time being slated for death.

Don't worry too much, Miss Bacall.  They aren't that good at predicting these things.

This is also Rose Marie's first time on a tabloid death watch list.

And then there's Penny Marshall, by far the youngest person on the list but the only one who has already been marked for death by the gossip rags.  If fact, she has an expiration date in the spring of next year.

If it's any consolation, they aren't particularly good at guessing the date people will die.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Penny Marshall has six months to live!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Penny Marshall has been on the Brave Last Days list since last year and the stories about her have been in the Globe. I assumed they thought her life was in danger because of her weight, but instead it was about an alleged cancer diagnosis. In August, the Globe reported a nice story that she had lost weight and the cancer was gone. Here are this week's headlines.

• Penny Marshall dying
• Her cancer is back
• Six months to live
• Race against time to write tell all book
• Then and now pictures

Best wishes to Ms. Marshall, her family and friends. This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Surprisingly nice headline of the week:Penny Marshall loses weight and beats cancer.

Publication: Globe

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last year, the Globe was beating up on Penny Marshall every way they could think of. She was fat, she was dying, you name it.



With a single headline, they say she is a lot less fat, losing 85 lbs., and has beat cancer, which I assume takes her off the Brave Last Days list.



Good for her and good for the Globe, which is not a phrase I type that often. It's nice to see them put a nice headline up, but it doesn't change the fact that there will be two Globe headlines battling it out for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow morning.

40 Biggest scandals and shockers of 2010

Publication: Globe
Date: 20 December 2010

When December rolls around, many publications do a year end review, and the Globe is the first of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter to do one in 2010. The kinds of scandals and shockers they promise inside include:

• suicide
• cheating
• gay secrets
• murder
• medical dramas

The pictures that go along with these headlines are Jonbenet Ramsey, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Prince Charles, Marie Osmond, Penny Marshall and Gary Coleman. I'll let you play the match-up game yourself, but be careful! There are people on this list who probably get mentioned in more than one category.

Brave Last Days Alert:Penny Marshall

Publication: Globe
Date: 15 November 2010

You might have forgotten that the Globe told us Penny Marshall was fat back in May and then they said she was battling for her life, which put her on the tabloid vulture list. Now they use the phrase "Brave Last Days", so that's like Defcon 2 or whatever.

What it really means is she's still fat. Sometimes fat people live.

Best wishes to Ms. Marshall, her family and friends, from a fan.

Damn You Fat Alert™:250 lb. Penny Marshall fighting for life

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 May 2010

I did not look up Penny Marshall's career when I first saw this headline, but upon further review, this counts as Hey Old Timer Gossip because Ms. Marshal played Myrna Turner on the TV version of The Odd Couple before I graduated high school.

There is no mention of Penny Marshall's successful transition from actor to director, which parallels other sitcom actors of her era, Ron Howard and Rob Reiner, her former husband. This has given her career a longevity few women her age in Hollywood can match. No, she's on a tabloid cover because she is fat. The Globe uses the magic phrase "fighting for her life", so I am adding her to the Not Long 4 This World list, which continues to get longer and longer without anyone on the list actually dying yet.

Our best wishes to Ms. Marshall.