Kick several corpses, why don'tcha?: Frank Sinatra bedded two First Ladies.

Publication: Globe

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

The Globe gives a tip of the hat to its geezer demographic by spilling the dirt on Francis Albert Sinatra.  According to a new tell all book, Sinatra had sex with two different First Ladies.

I did not open the Globe to find out the names.  I leave that to my more motivated readers.  I'm guessing here, but it wasn't Eleanor Roosevelt and Pat Nixon.

This week's Natalie Wood stories.

Publications: Globe, National Enquirer

Date: 12 Dec 2011

Let us recall that the Natalie Wood story was the exclusive possession of the low rent Examiner before the case was re-opened, but now that it has been re-opened, the other, and more well heeled Wicked Step Sisters are running with the story.  Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Only in the Enquirer
  Christopher Walken phone call revealed
  Natalie Wood sex secret
  What cops were never told
• Globe: Natalie Wood case solved!
  World exclusive
  30 years after shocking death
  New evidence: her last words reveal what REALLY happened
  Plus: Natalie's secret diaries
  Are they telling the truth?
  Pictures of Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken

Meanest story nominee: Who is Obama's real father?

 Publication: Globe

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

The Globe goes with a story that cops who are probing Obama (probably that publicity hound Joe Arapaio, though he is not named) are trying to find out who his true father is.

Well, I think it's pretty obvious.  If you watched the first three movies (a.k.a. The Good Ones), you've heard Vader's voice and he is like so obvs black.  And more than that, it's clear that the force is strong in Barack Hussein Skywalker Obama.

Mystery solved!

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Kick a corpse why don'tcha? Who really killed JFK!

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Nov. 2011

The headline in the Globe reads 

 

"Secret tapes reveal: Who really killed JFK!
- and it wasn't Oswald!

48 years after the fact and they can still sell magazines with conspiracy stories.  It says something about the deep trust Americans have in the institutions of authority.

Hey Old Timer Gossip: A "Where Are They Now?" story about stars of cop and detective shows.

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

This week's Meanest Story competition is not as mean as recent weeks when there have been several Brave Last Days Alerts.  Two reasons for this are that the low rent Examiner wasn't delivered to the usual places in Oakland and the Globe had a massive cover story that isn't mean. They have a list of old detective and cop shows with pictures of the stars. They may say some of them are going through hard times in the story inside, but on the cover it's just an invitation to nostalgia. Here are the stars and shows mentioned, each with a picture. There is a promise of an 11 page spread with even more photos.  Here is the list from the cover, both of stars and shows.

• Don Johnson Miami Vice 
• Angie Dickinson Police Woman 
• Cybill Sheperd Moonlighting 
• Edd Byrnes 77 Sunset Strip 
• Tyne Daly and Sharon Gless Cagney and Lacey 
• Dennis Franz NYPD Blue 
• Martin Milner and Kent McCord Adam 12

There is also a picture of the case of The Mod Squad, but no names were included.  They are in a separate post.

Secrets of The Mod Squad.

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

The Globe has such a chock full of stars "Where Are They Now?" grab bag story on the cover that it has to be split into two posts AND an extra blank post for label overrun. After naming a whole lot of stars, there is an extra picture with the caption "Secrets of The Mod Squad!" with none of the actors named.

For the record, left to right are Michael Cole, Clarence Williams 3rd and Peggy Lipton.

Here is a link to the rest of the story as well.

Least interesting story of the week: Pam Anderson to play the Virgin Mary

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

The Globe is OUTRAGED! Pam Anderson is slated to play the Virgin Mary on a Canadian TV comedy. The Globe also did not include a picture of Ms. Anderson to go along with their OUTRAGE, so no picture will be included here either.

This makes this true report the Least Interesting Story of the Week.

Bells are ringing alert: Prince Harry proposes to Kate's sister!

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

The royal wedding this year turned Pippa Middleton into a gossip star on this side of the Atlantic.  On this week's cover, the Globe says Prince Harry has proposed to "Kate's sister", but on their website they make it clear it's Pippa.

I don't believe it for a second, but I publish this stuff regardless of believability.  That's kind of the point.

Herman Cain is a liar!

Photo by Brian Snyder (REUTERS)
Publication: Globe
Date: 28 Nov. 2011

American Media Inc. has shown a keen interest in the 2012 election. It can be taken for granted that all stories about Obama and his family are negative, but they are mainly in the Globe and the low rent Examiner.  The flagship National Enquirer leaves Obama alone for now.

It's a very different story when dealing with the Republican candidates. They loved the idea of Donald Trump for president, a truly ridiculous concept from the very start, but they have been viciously against several other candidates.  They sniped at Sarah Palin when she was still being coy about running, they said Rick Perry had ties to the Klan, and now they set their sites on fading former front-runner Herman Cain. After a story in the Enquirer last week about Cain and a White House intern, now the Globe has a headine about a "truth detection test" that proves Herman Cain is a liar.

So far, Mitt Romney has largely been spared, with one "prophecy" in the Sun, a magazine so far down the food chain that no one pays attention. (Well, no one but me, but I'm a little OCD about this stuff.) It will be interesting to see if the Enquirer starts writing bad things about Newt Gingrich.  It's not like he has no skeletons in his closet.

Goodbye, Regis!

Publication: Globe

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner take turns on putting Regis Philbin on their cover and most of the stories have a negative slant.  For example, back last January the Globe said Regis was leaving his show because he was dying.  Now that the show actually is coming to an end, they give him a surprisingly nice farewell.  Here are the headlines.

• special tribute inside
• Plus: Who's replacing him
  

Mary Tyler Moore cheats death!

Publication: Globe

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

More "Hey, Old Timer!" gossip from the Globe, one of the two supermarket rags that skews older and more morbid than the rest. (The other is the low rent Examiner, a fellow kennel mate at American Media, Inc., owner of the five meanest of the American gossip magazines.) The sub headline reads "secret hospital drama".  "Drama" is code for a story that isn't even remotely similar to the sensationalistic headlines and often false in the bargain.

 

Best wishes to Miss Moore, her family and friends, from a fan.

Meanest story nominee: Muhammad Ali has six months to live!

Publication: Globe

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier.  Here are the headlines.

• Muhammad Ali: Six months to live, friends fear
• New tragedy after Joe Frazier dies

 At least the great champ Frazier get some acknowledgment. Best wishes to Ali, his family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Least interesting story of the week: NASCAR drug scandal explodes!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

No picture is included on the cover, as well as no names, so I will follow suit.

Nothing to see here.  Literally.

Love bird alert: Mel Gibson's shocking public romp!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

 

I would rather write as little as possible about Mel Gibson, so here are the headlines.

• Who's the sexy gal?
• 5 more photos inside
  

Demon Drugs alert: James Garner, 83, is a pot head!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

It says something when the nicest story about a person all year is that he's a doper, but that is the case with James Garner and the supermarket rags.  They quote a "tell all book" that says the movie and TV star smokes the herb.

Every other story said he was a dead man.

Meanest story nominee: Pregnant Kate's brain tumor drama!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

The Globe takes two very sketchy rumors about Kate Middleton and turns them into a serious problem.  First, they go with the rumor she's is pregnant - a rumor now entering its eighth month, by the way - and then adds in the worst possible diagnosis from the scar on Kate's head. Here are the headlines.

• The tragic story behind her secret surgery
• Will she live long enough to see her baby grow?

It is good to remember that any time the word "drama" is in a gossip rag headline, this is secret code for "we got nothing".

Since there is speculation about her longevity, this counts as a Not Long 4 This World story, though to my mind the weakest possible level, and of course, gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Dr. Phil digs up dead woman... to boost ratings!

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

The Globe says Dr. Phil dug up a dead woman to get ratings.  They consider this an "outrage!", a popular word on the tabloid covers this week.

Regis' revenge!

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner are the only gossip rags who think their readers are interested in what is going on in Regis Philbin's life. The Globe told us he was quitting late last year (true and counts as a scoop) and then that he was dying (so far premature, as many of the tabloid warnings are).  Now they say he is getting his revenge.  Here are the headlines.

• Dumped for being too old… Regis' Revenge!
• His secret TV comeback and bombshell tell-all book
• The fury & tears
• Plus: wife's bitter heartache (picture of Joy Philbin)

Meanest story nominee: Miss Loretta Lynn has weeks to live.

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

For those of you keeping track, this is now the fifth story in two years in the gutter press predicting the death of Miss Loretta Lynn.  What it really means is there is some over-dramatic Judas with a connection to Miss Lynn who is making money funneling mean stories to the Globe and the low rent Examiner.  Here are this week's headlines.

• Loretta Lynn dying!
• New hospital drama!
• Only weeks to live - pals fear

Let me note that it was two months ago when the headline about Miss Loretta read "THE END".  By saying "weeks to live", I've given this post an "Expiration Date" label and I arbitrarily set the date at the end of the year.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her friends and family, from a fan.  I exclude the "friends" who keeping blabbing bad stuff about her to the tabloids.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Robin Gibb THE END

Publication: Globe

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Robin Gibb.  The 61 year old member of the Bee Gees was recently hospitalized and looks very thin, so the Globe gives him no chance to live for much longer. Here are the headlines.

• Robin Gibb THE END
• Bee Gees tragedy!
• Now 97 lbs!

Best wishes to Robin Gibb, his family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.