Demon Drugs alert: James Garner, 83, is a pot head!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

It says something when the nicest story about a person all year is that he's a doper, but that is the case with James Garner and the supermarket rags.  They quote a "tell all book" that says the movie and TV star smokes the herb.

Every other story said he was a dead man.

This week's Kim'N'Kris headlines.

Publications: National Enquirer, OK!, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  There were seven cover stories about Kim Kardashian and her divorce last week, but we are down to "only" six this week.  In Touch focuses on the whole awful clan and the money schemes of Kris Jenner, but the rest are mainly about the newly divorced newlyweds.  Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: "Kim's butt is fake!"
  Kris exposes Kim's secrets
  He has video proof - he tells pals
• Weekly Life & Style:  Kim's plan backfires
  Kris won't sign divorce papers
  Reggie refuses to call
  Angry with Mom, she says, "I'm quitting the show!"
  Exclusive interview with his dad: Kris' side of the story
• Us Weekly: Kim after split
  Depressed & Devastated
• Star: Rehab for kim!
  Backlash from marriage hoax pushes her over the edge
  Family turns on her: "You killed the show!"
  A sex tape with Kris!
• OK!: Kim's not back with Kris…
  Kim & Reggie re-unite
  All the details of their sexy hook-up

Leave it to OK! to hold out some hope of a slightly happy ending, her chance to find another guy.  As I have written before, if Reggie Bush really is trying to get back in the picture, he should be tested for concussion induced brain damage. Only time will tell if their story can survive being universally despised.  It certainly didn't help Paris Hilton or Kate Gosselin.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Whitney Houston goes berserk!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Last year and early this year, if there was a story about Whitney Houston in the tabs, it was in the Enquirer. Ever since she lived through her expiration date, stories about her have been fobbed off onto the low rent Examiner and now to the Globe. Here are the headlines.

• Whitney Houston goes berserk!
• Is she back on drugs?
  

Demon Drugs and bun in the oven alert™: Amanda Knox heavy with child and hopped up on goofballs.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Two stories about the newly freed Amanda Knox, with the Enquirer being much meaner than the Star. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Amanda Knox drug deal exposed!
  What really happened on night of murder
  Plus her bombshell baby secret!
• Star: Exclusive!
  a baby for Amanda Knox

It's always fun to see the "Exclusive!" headline on a story other mags are also talking about.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Brad begs Angie to eat.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

We get another "friends fear" headline this week, this time about Angelina Jolie being addicted to diet pills and Brad trying to get her to eat. Once again, we get news of her being at a ridiculous weight, this time 93 lbs., the lowest number yet reported for her.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Willie's shocking new medical crisis… because of pot!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

If you want news about Willie Nelson, the low rent Examiner has been your only supermarket rag option this decade. They have written that he is dying, going to prison and helping save wild horses. Now they say he has a medical condition due to smoking marijuana, though they don't use the word "deadly" or "dying", so this does not rise to the level of tabloid death watch.

You don't hear much about people having health problems due to smoking marijuana, but as a non-doctor, I would say that if you do ANYTHING as much as Willie Nelson smokes pot, trouble is likely to arise.

Meanest story nominee: Sarah Palin cocaine scandal!

Publication: Globe

Date: 29 August 2011



The dogs in the AMI kennel seem to hate Sarah Palin, though I guess their "animosity" is largely due to having a bunch of sources coming out of the woodwork to blab about the former half-term governor. This week it's a cocaine scandal. She is supposed to be outraged about a bombshell report, and they show a picture of the place where she was seen snorting.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Getting the Teen Mom stuff out of the way for 22 August.

Publication: OK!

Date: 22 August 2011



I whine every time there's another Teen Mom story and not without cause. As of today, there have been more Teen Mom stories than there are about any other TV show I have a label for, with 39 since the beginning of the year, more than one a week.



This means more weeks with Teen Mom headline stories in 2011 so far than Kim Kardashian cover stories over the same time frame.



Pathetic on more levels than I can count.



In any case, there are pictures of Maci Bookout and Amber Portwood with the headline "Splits, drugs and money trouble".



I think I hate Teen Mom more than I hate Andrew Breitbart, but I'll admit the difference isn't great.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Brad Pitt caught in dirty drug den.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 15 August 2011

The Flagship went after both Justin Theroux and Brad Pitt as drug addicts this week. They claimed Theroux was addicted to coke and heroin, though they used the phrase "his dark past". Brad Pitt's situation is made to sound present tense. Here are the headlines.

• Brad caught in dirty drug den
• Angie's rage
• How he got busted

I admit sheepishly I opened the Enquirer this week looking at the story about Chaz Bono's life threatening problem, a 2,000 calorie a day diet to lose weight.

Not life threatening.

I also browsed the Brad Pitt story. He was caught smoking marijuana.

That doesn't impress me much either, in terms of scandalous behavior.

Stay classy, Enquirer.

Meanest story nominee: Justin Theroux's heroin and cocaine addiction!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 15 August 2011



Justin Theroux still isn't really famous by tabloid standards. He's still "Jen's Man" in the headlines, including this headline in the Enquirer this week about "his dark past" as a cocaine and heroin abuser. Looking online, I have seen no confirmation of this story anywhere.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Paula Abdul's new beau busted for heroin.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer reports that Paula Abdul's new fella is a former heroin addict.

I looked online for his name. He's Jeff Bratton. He owns a record label. In my book, that makes him lower than a heroin addict, but that's just me.

Meanest story nominee: New tell-all book rips into Mister Tony Bennett.

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Mister Tony Bennett! The singer, painter and national treasure, who will turn 85 next month, has his name dragged through the mud by the Globe. They write about a new "tell-all book" that details Mister Bennett's ties to the mob, his drug use and cheating.

I have made a new label, Call Him Mister, especially for this story. Many ladies have gotten the "Call Her Miss" treatment on this blog, wonderful stars who have been around long enough they should be off limits to the garbage peddlers of the supermarket checkout rags. Mister Bennett is the first of his gender to get similar treatment here.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

I feel about Teen Mom the way Jan Brady felt about Marcia.

Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Teen Mom nonsense abides. I report with no further comment.

• OK!: Maci & Kyle Split: She's still in loved with Ryan
• In Touch: Teen Mom dating disasters!
  In love with cheaters, druggies and a killer!
  Leah: Since Corey left, she's hooking up with three different guys!
  Farrah: Can't stop crying over new violent bad boy
  Maci: Wedding on hold! Why her ex Ryan is to blame
  
  

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Hulk Hogan's ex-wife writes a tell all book!

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

Hulk Hogan has had a reality TV show for a while now, but in 2010 had no appearances on the covers of the supermarket rags. Now he's on his second cover in as many weeks, this time because his ex-wife Linda has written that favorite thing in the gossip world, the "tell all book". The Globe says it's full of sex, drugs and lies, and for once, I believe them. She's exactly the kind of person who would write a tell all book.

For example, there was a story a year ago claiming a tell all book from Tipper Gore would send Al to jail. Tipper is exactly the kind of person NOT to write a tell all book.

Meanest Story nominee: Angelina weighs 99 lbs and is hooked on heroin.

Publication: Star
Date: 13 June 2011

Star magazine says Angelina Jolie weighs 99 lbs. and is hooked on heroin. Brad's family is planning an intervention.

This last detail makes all the rest less believable, because Brad's family really hates her.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Surprisingly nice headline of the week: Travolta's battle to save tragic "Taxi" star.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Welcome to 2011 tabloid gossip hell, Jeff Conaway!

For those of you visiting the blog for the first time, know that AMI, the company that owns the National Enquirer and four other gossip rags, hates Scientology with every fiber of their being, hating John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and Tom Cruise almost equally. So this week, it comes as a surprise that they put up a positive story about Travolta doing his best to help out his Grease co-star Jeff Conaway, whose problems with booze and pain killers have been well documented on all those miserable celebrity rehab shows.

I have no love for Scientology either, but anyone willing to reach out to help a pal from back in the day is doing the right thing in my book.

Let's get the Teen Mom crap out of the way early.

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The good news is that only one gossip rag has Teen Mom crap on their cover this week. The bad news is that we can't get rid of this plague, which among reality TV shows is only surpassed by Dancing With The Stars for interest from the Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

I don't watch Dancing With The Stars, but at least I understand how someone could watch it. This show's appeal mystifies me completely. Anyway, here are the headlines.

• Leah's shock: Another Teen Mom Baby
  exclusive interview
  PLUS Corey starts a second family with a new woman and child
  Jenelle's rehab diary: "It's a nightmare."
  

Breaking news: Whitney Houston checks into rehab. Again.

Publication: People online
Date: 9 May 2011

The online version of People is reporting that Whitney Houston is checking into rehab for treatment of addiction to drugs and alcohol. Since this is reported on a Monday, it should be on the cover of some gossip rag coming out this Thursday.

Demon Drugs and Demon Rum Alert™: Lady Gaga's family has an intervention.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 9 May 2011

Online gossip sources love Lady Gaga, the supermarket rags not so much. This year, only Star has mentioned her at all and both times it's to tell us she's taking way too many recreational concoctions. Here are the sub-headlines.

• family's last ditch attempt to save her
• drunk all day
• terrifying collapse
• coke & ecstasy

Who knows? Maybe she was born this way.

You So Crazy Alert™: Jim Carrey's wild night of partying!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 2 May 2011.

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Jim Carrey made some gossip headlines a year ago when he broke up with Jenny McCarthy, a large breasted comic actress who tragically thinks she knows something about vaccines and is putting uncounted numbers of children at risk. Now, the Star has the details of a wild night of partying for the comic actor, featuring pot, booze and four women.

What no coke, no heroin? No knives or guns brandished? The police weren't called in?

Pretty weak wild night if you ask me. Still, Jim sounds like he's renting the crazy by the hour instead of being married to it.

A much more frugal lifestyle choice in the long run.