On the rocks alert: Bruce and Kris Jenner.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  Welcome to gossip hell, Bruce Jenner! For the first time in at least two years, the most invisible adult in the Kardashian family circus gets on the cover of a supermarket gossip rag with a rumor of divorce from the woman who pimps out her own daughters for fame, now including Jenner's underage biological daughters.

I'm old enough to remember when he was a great athlete, but I also remember even then he made some questionable decisions trying to turn a decathlon championship into a career.

This week's Kim'N'Kris headlines.

Publications: National Enquirer, OK!, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  There were seven cover stories about Kim Kardashian and her divorce last week, but we are down to "only" six this week.  In Touch focuses on the whole awful clan and the money schemes of Kris Jenner, but the rest are mainly about the newly divorced newlyweds.  Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: "Kim's butt is fake!"
  Kris exposes Kim's secrets
  He has video proof - he tells pals
• Weekly Life & Style:  Kim's plan backfires
  Kris won't sign divorce papers
  Reggie refuses to call
  Angry with Mom, she says, "I'm quitting the show!"
  Exclusive interview with his dad: Kris' side of the story
• Us Weekly: Kim after split
  Depressed & Devastated
• Star: Rehab for kim!
  Backlash from marriage hoax pushes her over the edge
  Family turns on her: "You killed the show!"
  A sex tape with Kris!
• OK!: Kim's not back with Kris…
  Kim & Reggie re-unite
  All the details of their sexy hook-up

Leave it to OK! to hold out some hope of a slightly happy ending, her chance to find another guy.  As I have written before, if Reggie Bush really is trying to get back in the picture, he should be tested for concussion induced brain damage. Only time will tell if their story can survive being universally despised.  It certainly didn't help Paris Hilton or Kate Gosselin.

America's fakest family!

(picture cropped from Hollywood Reporter cover)

Publication: In Touch

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  There are six Kardashian cover stories this week, down from seven last week.  In Touch makes it about Kris Jenner and her daughters, thankfully leaving the adolescent daughters she's trying to pimp out of the story.  Here are the headlines.

• America's fakest family!
• Destroyed by greed!
• Kim's sham wedding is just the start!
• Inside their dirty money secrets: stealing ideas, a sketchy "church", even a Ponzi scheme scandal!

 

Bad mom alert: Mom torments Kardashian sisters over their bodies.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 23 May 2011

In Touch calls out Kris Jenner as a nasty beeyotch ruining the lives of her daughters. Here are the details.

• Kourtney pressured to get Botox to erase crow's-feet
• Khloe delays baby plans for lip after Kris calls her 'fat'
• Kim agrees to a super-sized butt implant to stay famous

Doesn't being famous sound like super fun?

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Khloe bullied for being fat YET AGAIN.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 9 May 2011

Yet again, Khloe, the Baby Huey of the Kardashian clan, has a cover story about her weight. here are the headlines.

• Khloe tells Us
• Tortured for her weight
• After her mom calls her fat, Khloe opens us about her lifelong struggle and how Lamar makes her feel sexy

While this may not seem relevant to the Kardashian family, Khloe is the only daughter who is actually married and whose male companion does not seem like a complete douchebag.

This puts her a few points ahead of her petite but huge hootered sisters.