All the Kim'N'Kris noise for the week.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Star

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I do hope that Kim Kardashian's star is fading, but I'm not silly enough to expect she would vanish from the gossip rags overnight.  There are four stories about her this week, one which ignores her estranged husband and will be reported separately.  Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim to Kris: Stop calling me fat!
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim alone for the holidays
• Star: Kim's bombshell: Kris is gay!
  Secret behind marriage disaster
  He wouldn't touch her after the honeymoon
  what Khloe saw
  NOW Kris vows to DESTROY the Kardashians

America's fakest family!

(picture cropped from Hollywood Reporter cover)

Publication: In Touch

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  There are six Kardashian cover stories this week, down from seven last week.  In Touch makes it about Kris Jenner and her daughters, thankfully leaving the adolescent daughters she's trying to pimp out of the story.  Here are the headlines.

• America's fakest family!
• Destroyed by greed!
• Kim's sham wedding is just the start!
• Inside their dirty money secrets: stealing ideas, a sketchy "church", even a Ponzi scheme scandal!

 

All this week's news all three Kardashian sisters.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The troubled marriage of Kim Kardashian is sucking most of the oxygen out of the room in their tiny gossip world, but Weekly Life & Style decides to do a cover about all three sisters. Here are the headlines.

• Three Kardashian exclusives
• Khloe's new nose
• Tears on Kim's b-day
• A ring for Kourtney
  

On the rocks alert and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kim'n'Kris in crisis. And, oh yeah, Khloe hates the guy.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Both literally and figuratively, the honeymoon is over for hot hobbit Kim Kardashian and her orc husband Kris Humphries. The wedding was just this August and after a few nice stories about a honeymoon in Italy, it's been a non-stop crap storm for the mismatched pair. Here are the headlines about them.

• OK: Kim&Kris: Faking it for the cameras
• Weekly Life & Style: Exclusive interview
  'What have I done?'
  Kim realizes her marriage is a mistake and demands a break from Kris
  Tears and regret after only 53 days
  

And just to make matters worse for Humphries, currently without a paycheck due to the NBA labor crisis, his sister in law Khloe flat out dislikes him.

• Us Weekly: Sisters torn apart: Why Khloe hates Kris

I really don't understand the public's obsession with this family and I can't tell if a huge wedding plastered all over their show and the gossip rags followed by a quickie divorce will be good or bad for their reality TV empire, but my best guess is that they have peaked and the decline in interest is now inevitable.

On the rocks alert and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kim's marriage in trouble and the family members who will rat on her.

(Photo copyright Splash 2011)
Publications: Us Weekly, Star
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The new narrative emerges strongly this week in the Kardashian Family Circus. Kim's sisters hate her new husband and are clearly happy to rat to the gossip rags about any friction they see between the newlyweds. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Kim defends her love
  Her sisters hate Kris
  Khloe & Kourtney accuse Kris of using Kim for fame.
  How her new love is dividing her family
• Star: Kardashians tell all
  Newlywed Kim miserable already
  fighting over her fortune
  Kris tells Kim: I'm tired of faking it for TV
  Family turns against him

Bun in the oven alert™: Which Kardashian is pregnant?

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Since the beginning of 2010, the Kardashian sisters have had a total of zero babies. This has not stopped The Only Ten Magazines That Matter from telling us Kim or Kourtney or Khloe was pregnant, each of them multiple times. And pile on top of that record of unreliability the fact that this report is from the very nice but very unreliable OK!, there is a very good chance that whatever one they say is pregnant actually isn't.

No Bun In The Oven Alert™: Inside Khloe's baby struggle.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's quite a struggle for the tenth spot of this year's Top Ten right now and Khloe Kardashian's name gets added to the list as a contender with this story about her difficulties in getting pregnant.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kourtney & Khloe reveal secrets of Kim's wedding

Publication: OK!

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! For the past few months, Kim has been the only Kardashian sister of interest to the supermarket rags, but OK! bring Khloe and Kourtney back on the cover... to talk about Kim's wedding. The headline reads:



Obsessing over everything from the gown to the guest list, Kim's family promises she'll have the perfect day.

There is also a sidebar about other celebs giving advice, with a picture of Kendra Wilkinson, the only other reality TV star in the top ten of gossip rag cover stories over the past two years.

And the camera noses in to the tears on their faces: Khloe and Lamar's anguish.

Publication: Star
Date: 8 August 2011

Khloe Kardashian was one of the most popular celebrities in the tabloids early in the year, but since Kim's wedding has been announced, the supermarket rags have paid scant attention to the other Kardashian siblings. This week, she and Lamar get on the cover of Star because of a murder in the family, which I assume means his family.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: How Khloe lost 10 lbs.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 4 July 2011

Yet again, Khloe Kardashian makes the cover of a supermarket rag for losing ten pounds. The last time was in April 2010. Most of the stories in the past six months for Khloe have been pregnancy rumors, all so far unfounded.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kardashians ripped apart by off-camera scandals!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 July 2011

Kourtney and Khloe have been nearly forgotten by the supermarket rags for awhile, even before Kim announced her wedding and sucked all the air out of the room. But this week, Star puts all three on the cover with plenty of dish to go around. Here are the headlines.

• New sex tape
• Custody battle
• Secret pregnancy
• Plus: the truth about their plastic surgery

The custody battle would have to be Kourtney, since she's the only one who has a kid, but the other stories could be about any of the three. You'll have to buy the magazine yourself to find out, since I don't open them up on general principles.

Buns in the oven alert™: Fresh horses for my men and babies for all the Kardashians!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 June 2011

Weekly Life & Style gives most of the cover to all three Kardashian sisters. While Kim is getting married and thereby sucking up most of the oxygen out of the room, Weekly Life & Style tells us the other two are pregnant. Here are the headlines.

• Fertility doctor makes Khloe's baby dream come true
• Kourtney: Another baby before her wedding!
  
  

Best wishes to all concerned, with a proviso that every female Kardashian above the age of consent and younger than the age of menopause has allegedly been pregnant several times in the past eighteen months.

Bad dad alert: Khloe is stunned by Lamar's baby secret.

Publication: OK!

Date: 6 June 2011

There's one story each for the Kardashian sisters this week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. OK! says that Lamar is hiding some baby secret and Khloe is stunned. On their website, it is revealed that Lamar already has kids and he hasn't been the perfect dad to them.

Bad mom alert: Mom torments Kardashian sisters over their bodies.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 23 May 2011

In Touch calls out Kris Jenner as a nasty beeyotch ruining the lives of her daughters. Here are the details.

• Kourtney pressured to get Botox to erase crow's-feet
• Khloe delays baby plans for lip after Kris calls her 'fat'
• Kim agrees to a super-sized butt implant to stay famous

Doesn't being famous sound like super fun?

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Khloe bullied for being fat YET AGAIN.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 9 May 2011

Yet again, Khloe, the Baby Huey of the Kardashian clan, has a cover story about her weight. here are the headlines.

• Khloe tells Us
• Tortured for her weight
• After her mom calls her fat, Khloe opens us about her lifelong struggle and how Lamar makes her feel sexy

While this may not seem relevant to the Kardashian family, Khloe is the only daughter who is actually married and whose male companion does not seem like a complete douchebag.

This puts her a few points ahead of her petite but huge hootered sisters.

On the rocks alert: The honeymoon is over for Khloe and Lamar.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 25 April 2011

More bad news for the Kardashian women. Khloe Kardashian, the only one of the sisters who is happily married to a seeming nice guy, Laker Lamar Odom, is actually going through a rough patch in her marriage. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Appointments for sex
• Lamar's meddling ex
• Khloe in tears

In accordance with this blog's pro-love policy, we hope these crazy kids work it out.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: Reese and Khloe's pregnancy news

Publication: OK!
Date: 18 April 2011

Once again, OK! shows itself to be positive and unreliable, putting stories about "pregnancy news" on the cover about women who have not said they are pregnant, but that they would like to be pregnant.

Reese Witherspoon would like to have a kid with her new husband. She is not currently pregnant.

Khloe Kardashian would like to have a child with Lamar Odom. She is not currently pregnant.

You're welcome.

Bun In The Oven Alert™ and No Bun In The Oven Alert™: Yet more drama about the ovaries of the rich and famous.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 April 2011

The headline reads BABY DRAMA! and it tells three very different stories.

1. Khloe: heartbroken over not getting pregnant

If you are going to have a multiple baby drama story on the cover of a supermarket rag, it's nearly required one of the stories will be about a Kardashian.

2. Britney: Baby #3 on the way

This story has been denied.

3. Kim Zolciak: Attacked by NeNe, "I fear for my baby"

From what I hear from commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive, NeNe is pretty damned scary.

No Bun In The Oven Alert™: Khloe talks about "Our baby struggle"

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 7 March 2011

Us Weekly has a story about Khloe Kardashian and "our baby struggle", which means hubby Lamar Odom is tangentially involved, though he is not pictured on the cover.

Bun In The Oven Alert™?:Khloe has a baby on the way

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 14 February 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style is completely pregnancy obsessed this week. While some of the stories with smaller pictures and headlines are about women who are confirmed pregnant, they have two large pictures about women who aren't yet confirmed pregnant. One of the big stories is Khloe Kardashian, with the sub-headline "My Pregnancy Secret".

While I don't open the magazines except under the most dire conditions, I did go to the WL&S website, and right on the front page Khloe says she isn't pregnant yet and she won't ever confirm until the information is completely solid.

Rule of thumb: "pregnancy secret" usually means "not pregnant", so Weekly Life & Style gets a fail this week.