Hollywood stylists tell all!

Publication: Star 

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Star has one of those grab bag "bad help" stories dominating the front cover. This time it's Hollywood stylists dishing dirt.  First there's a list of "Guess who" gossip, followed by specific insults.  The part of the story that listed who smelled bad was published already as a Meanest Story of the Week nominee.

Here's the guess who part.

• Who's a hoarder! 
• Who duct tapes her boobs! 
• Who goes commando!

J. Lo: Cellulite & Spanx

Angie: padded butt

Britney: Fast food stains on borrowed clothing!

Serena: bald spot

Kathie Lee: It's the pits!

Damn you skinny (or fat) alert: What the stars really weigh.

Publication: Star

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Star says they know what celebrities really weigh.  On the cover, Britney Spears is listed at 132 lbs., Gabourney Sibide at 269 lbs. and a picture of Jennifer Lopez with a promise to tell her weight inside the magazine. As usual, I don't open the magazine to find out the answer to a guessing game.

 

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Britney wedding news!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Earlier this month, Britney Spears called boyfriend Jason Trawick her husband in a radio interview, and several gossip sources are trying to turn this into proof she will soon marry. The couple says they have no such plans.

Rich people are rich: Hollywood's 50 richest women.

Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Star has a small blurb on the cover about the 50 richest women in Hollywood. Instead of going with pictures of the most popular gossip celebrities, they have a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker, who has a movie coming out in the middle of next month.

And they put in a picture of Britney Spears, who is currently on tour.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding #3 for Britney.

Publication: Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Britney Spears used to be a staple of American gossip, but her act got a little stale. She gets more cover stories than Jennifer Lopez, for example, though J. Lo has had more coverage since she started working on American False Idol. Neither of them gets as many covers as Camilla Parker-Bowles, who gets to play the wicked stepmother to Wills'N'Kate, our new Prince Charming and his beloved.

In any case, Star says Brit is getting married for the third time. These reports were denied earlier this month.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Britney Spears back in shape

Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, National Enquirer
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Four magazines weigh in about Britney Spears' new weight, which is a lot of magazines. In recent months, four or more cover stories in the same week have meant either weddings (Wills'N'Kate, Reese Witherspoon) or crap about The Bachelor. In any case, here are the headlines.

• People: Britney backstage Exclusive photos
• OK!: Britney: How I lost 20 lbs.
• Weekly Life & Style: Britney's hot body
  her diet secrets
• National Enquirer: Britney's new body shocker!
  How she really lost 30 lbs. in 40 days

This is a telling example of how the Enquirer maintains its lead as the Meanest Gossip Rag In America.

Britney Spears: My new life.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 18 April 2011

Us has an exclusive interview with Britney Spears, who will be touring this summer to promote her new record, or is it the other way around? In any case, Us writes "Britney opens up about what she's learned, life with her boys & whether she'll marry again."

You So Crazy Alert™: Britney's strange behavior.

Publication: OK!
Date: 18 April 2011

Two stories about about Britney Spears on the covers of the supermarket rags this week, which is the first time since December. The other unusual thing is that the negative story is in OK!, which is generally the nicest of the gossip mags. Their headline reads "Britney's strange behavior".

Bun In The Oven Alert™ and No Bun In The Oven Alert™: Yet more drama about the ovaries of the rich and famous.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 April 2011

The headline reads BABY DRAMA! and it tells three very different stories.

1. Khloe: heartbroken over not getting pregnant

If you are going to have a multiple baby drama story on the cover of a supermarket rag, it's nearly required one of the stories will be about a Kardashian.

2. Britney: Baby #3 on the way

This story has been denied.

3. Kim Zolciak: Attacked by NeNe, "I fear for my baby"

From what I hear from commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive, NeNe is pretty damned scary.

Damn You Fat Alert™: Stars lose the battle with cellulite.

Publication: Star
Date: 14 March 2011

The word of the week in the supermarket rags is "cellulite". There are two different stories in two different mags featuring the great uncured plague.

The Star rips on many celebrated females for having cellulite this week. There are some "Guess Who?" pictures, but I refuse to play that game. Of the women they name, blow up doll Heidi Montag, is shown to be smooth and over inflated everywhere except for her thighs with the tell tale lumpiness. Obviously, this is not the picture they used.

Kate Gosselin is also shown with a picture emphasizing her cellulite, which yet again is not the picture I'm featuring here.

And just so you don't think the Star is only interested in reality TV stars whose shows are either canceled or being retooled, pop star Britney Spears makes the cover of a supermarket rag for the very first time in 2011 because she has cellulite.

I'm sure she's thrilled.