Meanest story nominee: What happened to Kate Gosselin's face?

Publication: In Touch

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Kate Gosselin had 29 cover stories in 2010.  This is her fifth in 2011, a speculation about possible plastic surgery.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face: Kate Gosselin in crisis.

Publications: People, OK!
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Say farewell to gossip hell, Kate Gosselin! Her reality TV show has been canceled, which means there's a good chance the Only Ten Magazines That Matter will stop paying attention to her at all. This is only the fourth week this year she's been mention, while she had 28 stories in 2010 and was one of the Top Ten gossip rag celebrities last year.

And what could be more fitting a farewell to this nasty piece of work than two negative cover stories from the nicest mags around? Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kate Gosselin Exclusive
  She's broke without the TV show!
• People: Kate Gosselin
  Will Her Kids Be OK?
  After six rocky years on TV, Kate and her kids face an uncertain future. "I'm really scared", says Kate

Breaking news: Kate plus Eight cancelled.

Several sources are reporting that the reality show Kate Plus Eight is being canceled. In 2010, there were 29 cover stories about her, many from the first half of the year when she was one of the top ten celebrities in the supermarket rags. In 2011, there were two Kate Gosselin cover stories.



Sorry, hon, we have a new big gossip star named Kate (Middleton) and another Kate (Hudson) who just had a baby just for good measure. Three is too many.

Damn You Fat Alert™: Stars lose the battle with cellulite.

Publication: Star
Date: 14 March 2011

The word of the week in the supermarket rags is "cellulite". There are two different stories in two different mags featuring the great uncured plague.

The Star rips on many celebrated females for having cellulite this week. There are some "Guess Who?" pictures, but I refuse to play that game. Of the women they name, blow up doll Heidi Montag, is shown to be smooth and over inflated everywhere except for her thighs with the tell tale lumpiness. Obviously, this is not the picture they used.

Kate Gosselin is also shown with a picture emphasizing her cellulite, which yet again is not the picture I'm featuring here.

And just so you don't think the Star is only interested in reality TV stars whose shows are either canceled or being retooled, pop star Britney Spears makes the cover of a supermarket rag for the very first time in 2011 because she has cellulite.

I'm sure she's thrilled.

Stars without make-up, January 2011 edition

Publication: Star
Date: 10 January 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star magazine yet again has a cover story about stars without make-up. The four pictures on the cover are of two actresses and two reality TV stars.

• Courteney Cox
• Hillary Swank
• Bethenny Frankel
• Kate Gosselin

The picture above is of Bethenny Frankel of Real Housewives fame.

Blown Fortune Alert™:Kate Gosselin's money mess

Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 December 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last trash of the week... right now!

Compared to scripted TV, reality TV is cheap to make. This doesn't mean there isn't any money in it, as Sarah Palin can tell you. The most recent story of a reality TV star who could keep track of the pennies and dimes is Kate Gosselin. The sub-headline on the In Touch story is "how they blew millions", so I assume the story includes Jon, though as is standard this year, the picture is of Kate alone.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Kate Gosselin dumped from TV

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 29 November 2010

Weekly Life & Style says Kate Gosselin will be dumped from her TV show. That would mean we wouldn't have to read about her anymore in gossip rags.

Wouldn't that be nice?

In the beginning of 2010, Kate Gosselin was one of the favorite cover stories in the American supermarket rags. Since June, the number of stories has fallen significantly. Soon, I'd guess no later than January 2011, when the gossip rags talk about "Kate" and do not mention a last name, it will mean a story about Kate Middleton and not Kate Gosselin.

Bad mom alert:Two Gosselin kids expelled from school

Publication: In Touch
Date: 22 November 2010

The supermarket rags have been living Gosselin free for about six weeks, but of course that couldn't last. In Touch tells us that two of the brood have been expelled from school.

Of course, in gossip world, this only reflects badly on the parents, or in this case the mother. I'm old fashioned so that seems fair to me. I'm so old fashioned, it used to be that if your daughter got knocked up by the son of the local drug dealer and had a baby before she graduated from high school, that also would reflect poorly upon the parents.

But it's okay if you are a Republican.

Hussy alert:Kate Gosselin stealing a married man!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 4 October 2010

As usual, I only read the headlines of the supermarket rags and sometimes go to the front page of their websites. Using those two sources, I can't be sure what married man Kate Gosselin is stealing, but I expect it's the bodyguard all the gossips have been clicking their tongues about for the past few weeks.

Kate Gosselin sets the record straight

Publication: People
Date: 27 September 2010

I detest reality TV and do not watch it. When I started the blog, I decided to make an exception for the Gosselins because the episode where they announced their divorce got crazy high rating for a cable TV show. Even ignored for most of the summer, Kate Gosselin is in contention to be one of the Top Ten most mentioned celebrities on the covers of supermarket rags.

Kate Gosselin only talks to People. People is to gossip rags what The New York Times is to newspapers. She addresses all the rumors about botox and breast implants and a relationship with her bodyguard. She's says she worked hard for her new body and the stuff about her and the bodyguard is "absurd".

Kate Gosselin kind of reminds me of the "mama grizzlies" Sarah Palin endorses, except Kate hasn't come out in public saying a lot of crazy stuff then expecting us to vote her into public office. Like Palin and many other females in the spotlight, Kate feels the press has a grudge against her, and there are times when they have a point. On the other hand, a lot of these women act like stupid bee-yotches in public and are stunned when people call them on their shit, which is typical stupid bee-yotch behavior.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Kate's sexy six pack

Publication: Star
Date: 27 September 2010

The people on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are celebrities. The nicest headline possible is that a person looks good wearing very little clothing. After being ignored for most of this summer, Kate Gosselin is back on the covers of the gossip rags with a positive headline from Star, one of the nasty snakes in that pit of vipers known as American Media, Inc.

It almost makes you believe world peace is possible.

Love Bird Alert™:Kate's secret getaway

Publication: OK!
Date: 27 September 2010

It's been about ten weeks since Kate Gosselin had an appearance on the supermarket rag covers. This week she has three. OK!, usually the nicest of the gossip mags, has a headline saying she's on a secret getaway. This is the nice way of saying she's catting around with her bodyguard, which she completely denies.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Kate Gosselin loses 10 pounds in 10 days

Publication: OK!
Date: 12 July 2010

OK! is easily the nicest of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, but they are not the most reliable. In this case, though, I can believe that Kate Gosselin could have lost 10 pounds in 10 days sometime during her life. When her reality show started she was definitely heavier than she is now as well as being brunette.

I don't actually know the truth of any of these stories, but I will note that the nice story about Kate this week seems believable while the nasty story about her has been denied and doesn't seem as believable.

Problems With Plastic Alert™:Kate Gosselin Botox disaster

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 12 July 2010

The picture of Kate Gosselin with her hair pulled up and a peeved look on her face has started speculation that she has had Botox treatments and they weren't very good. She denies it, and I don't find the picture very convincing evidence. You can still see lines in her forehead, and a forehead with Botox is usually as smooth as a marble counter top. Or Nicole Kidman's face, take your pick.

This speculation was also on the cover of Star this week.

Problems With Plastic Alert™:Beauty bloopers from Star

Publication: Star
Date: 12 July 2010

Star devoted most of their cover to that Rose show, so all I will be mentioning are the pictures associated with the Beauty and Body bloopers.

I couldn't find the picture of Nicole Kidman they used. In that one, her make-up made her look like a reverse raccoon with a weird stripe of white under her eyes and across her nose.

They also had a picture of Lindsay Lohan with the caption "Lipsmackin' Bad!" Lindsay is a favorite of online gossip, but the supermarket rags barely talk about her. Going online, pictures of a bad collagen job on Lindsay are dated 2007. Up to date gossip about her deals with her problems with alcohol and the law.

And there is a picture of Kate Gosselin with speculation that she got a bad Botox treatment.

Love Bird Alert™:A man for Kate Gosselin!

Publication: OK!
Date: 28 June 2010

A positive story about Kate Gosselin from OK!, by far the nicest of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. This is the first time they have written about her. They say she has a new guy and she is changing her controlling ways.

What was it that Shakespeare said about leopards and spots? It's right on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't remember it completely right now.

I'm sure it will come back to me eventually.

Enboobening Alert™:Kate Gosselin Boobjob Shocker!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 28 June 2010

Who hates Kate Gosselin? Pretty much every editor of a magazine who has written about her with the exception of People. This week, Us Weekly puts her on the list of the enboobened, and not in a nice way. I haven't checked for her confirmation or denial online, because I don't much care one way or the other.

Not a Bad Mom Alert™:Kate and her kids

Publication: People
Date: 7 June 2010

If you want to find a positive story about Kate Gosselin in the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, that narrows it down to the Only Magazine That Matters, People. While hating Kate appears to be a national pastime nearly as popular as baseball, People is the big leader in circulation among the supermarket rags, so maybe they are on to something.

I've never seen a minute of the show, so I have no opinion on the subject myself.

Completely Vague Title Alert:Hollywood housekeepers tell all!

Publication: Star
Date: 17 May 2010

Star magazine gives away how the tabloids work this week on the cover. They get a lot of their stuff from housekeepers of famous people.

Yes, the people who pick up crap and get paid crap supplement their crappy salaries by telling crap to crap magazines.

The people who get trash said about them by people who take out their trash are Tori Spelling, George Clooney, Kate Gosselin, Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. The cover also had that cutesy trick of not saying anything specific about anyone, just asking "Who's a hoarder?" and "Who's a cross dresser?"

If you wanna know, buy the magazine your own self.

You So Crazy Alert™:Fame hungry Kate Gosselin flashes her boobs

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 10 May 2010

Wow. That's a great headline. Did it make you pick up the magazine, open it up to find out more, Matty Boy?

Hmmm... not so much. If it had been Kate Middleton, I would have taken a peek, but Kate Gosselin... I can't even say exactly how much I don't give a shit about this story.

(Note: the woman in the picture is obviously not Kate Gosselin.)