Heroes return from Iraq

Publication: People

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

People has a cover story about our returning soldiers. Here are the headlines.

• Emotional homecomings
• Family reunions
• Plans for the future 

Best wishes to all concerned and thank you for your service to our country.

On the rocks alert: Two different versions of the break-up of Ali and Roberto from The Bachelorette.

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

 

I am not a watcher of reality TV. The various versions of The Bachelor do not have the absolutely least interest to me of all reality TV - that's probably Teen Mom or Toddlers'N'Tiaras - but when I hear about the inevitable romantic troubles the couples get into, I can only think of those wise words of Rocket J. Squirrel and the overly optimistic reply of his friend Bulwinkle.

"But that trick never works!"

 

"This time for sure!"

Ali and Roberto are no more.  Who showed whom the door?  It depends on which gossip rag you believe.

• People: The Bachelorette break-up
  Exclusive
  Why I Left Him
  Ali's Tears and Regrets
  Inside their explosive fights and heartbreaking final night together
  Roberto 'Devastated'
• Weekly Life & Style: Why he left Ali

I do not know the truth but I believe the People version, in part because of the extra details and in part because it's People vs. Weekly Life & Style.  People isn't perfect, but it's a lot better than the rest in terms of reporting.

Planted crap: Twilight's sexy secrets.

Publication: People

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

People has some planted crap about Twilight now that the movie is out. It includes a picture of Rob and Kristen on the cover.

Since it's People, it has to be special planted crap, so they say it's "exclusive".

Bundle of Joy alert: Meet Connie Britton's baby.

Publication: People

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Welcome to gossip heck, Connie Britton!  The actress best known for the TV series Friday Night Lights has adopted a baby boy from Ethiopia named Eyob and People puts mother and son on the front cover. This is the most positive type of story the gossip rags report on and does not count as "pulling a Bullock", since Ms. Britton is in no way trying to change the topic from bad publicity that has been dogging her.  She hasn't been a topic of gossip in the supermarket rags at all.

Best wishes to all concerned.

Dig up a corpse, why don'tcha? The re-opening of the Natalie Wood case makes the mainstream.

Publications: People, National Enquirer

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

 

I have little respect for the low rent Examiner, but they deserve credit as the only magazine that was calling for the re-opening of the Natalie Wood case over the past few years. Now the big guns get in on the act, People and the National Enquirer.  Here are the headlines.

• People: Natalie Wood: How did she really die?
• National Enquirer: Natalie Wood bombshell
  Robert Wagner's cover-up revealed! - boat captain

 

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the Demi-Ashton divorce.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style, OK!, In Touch, Star

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Six cover stories about the Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher divorce announcement this week.  The only magazine that might have put it on the cover and didn't was the Enquirer. The Globe and the low rent Examiner aren't interested in people this young, except for British royalty.

Here are the headlines.

• People:  Demi & Ashton split
  Inside the final days
  $290 million divorce
  The real story
  Their "intense" fights
  A desperate last-ditch trip to save the marriage
  how age, cheating and insecurity domed them
• OK!: Ashton & Demi divorce
  Why she finally left
• Weekly Life & Style: Why Demi finally left Ashton
• Star: Demi divorce bombshell
  Ashton's new lies
• In Touch: The final insult
  What Demi found!
• Us Weekly: How Demi got the courage to dump Ashton

And the camera noses in to the tears on their faces: The supermarket rags take on Penn State.

Publications: People, National Enquirer

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

The story of the sex scandal is definitely the kind of story that has to get a mention in the gossip rags, and it falls upon People and the National Enquirer to do the work, a classic Luke vs. Darth match-up.

Here are the headlines.

• People:  Penn State: Pain & Betrayal
  The Victims
  The accused
  Will there be justice?
• National Enquirer: Penn State sex scandal
  What coach's wife is hiding

Sexiest Man Alive: Bradley Cooper

Publication: People

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

People has their Sexiest Man Alive issue once again, and just like last year, I had to say, "What? That guy?" when I saw their choice, Bradley Cooper. (Last year it was Ryan Reynolds.)

Also mentioned by first name only were George (Clooney), Brad (Pitt), Zac (Efron), Kellan (Lutz, the reason this gets the Planted Crap label), Justin (guess which one, they tease? I looked inside. Theroux)

They also had a smaller picture of Ryan Gosling and a promise of 123 super hot guys inside.

Notice last year's Sexiest Man Alive isn't even worth a mention on the cover, but another Ryan gets a picture.

Sic transit gloria mundi, y'all!

A story about the Middleton sisters.

Publication: People

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

The big star of the gossip week in America is Kate Middleton.  This is the only story that makes no mention of pregnancy and it is the only mention of her sister Pippa. The headline reads:

• Royal drama
• Kate shines, Pippa splits

Love bird alert™: J. Lo dating a 24-year-old.

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays.  Two stories about Jennifer Lopez, singer, actress, TV personality and high maintenance beee-yotch extraordinaire, has a new boy toy who does not meet the Sophisticated French Rule.  She is now 42, so half her age plus seven is 28 and she is dating a 24-year-old.

Typical diva nonsense.  Here are the headlines.

• People: J. Lo's new man: He's 24
• Weekly Life & Style:  42-year-old J. Lo dating a 24-year-old!

 Here's where I usually type some encouragement, but this woman has to get over herself.

Gabby Giffords: Her Amazing Story

Publication: People

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow!  Last trash of the week... right now!

People gives most of their cover this week to Gabby Giffords.  Here are the headlines.

• The untold tale of the Arizona congresswoman's remarkable - and ongoing - recovery from an assassination attempt

Best wishes to Rep. Giffords, her family and friends.

Bundle of joy alert™: Baby #20 for the Duggars.

Publication: People

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

The Duggar family now has 20 kids.  Mrs. Duggar is 45 and a grandmother twice over. They look like nice people, but as far as I can see, they only have money enough for one haircut.

Best wishes to all concerned.

The nicer side of the Kate Middleton stories this week.

Publications: People, OK!

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

People and OK! go in different directions this week and as usual, I trust People.  Here are the headlines.

• People: Kate: A peek at her new home
• OK!:  Breaking News!
  Kate's Pregnant!
  Their daughter could be queen!

Lots of magazines are trying to sell this, but I'm not buying it.  If we believed everything we read about her ovaries, she'd be eight months pregnant now.

When it's official, People will run the story.  Until then, everybody take a chill pill.

Planted crap: Holiday movies' hot stars.

 Publication: People

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! People has a story about the "hot holiday movies", which is an excuse to put a few movie star pictures on the cover.

There is a picture of Angelina Jolie.

And there is a picture of George Clooney.

I use the label "planted crap" derisively, but I will point out that of the seven gossip rags that might pay attention to the Kardashian train wreck, People is the only one that refrained this week, at least not giving that den of vipers any room on the cover.  That should count for something.

Bells done Rung™: Susan Sarandon's daughter Eva weds.

(photo: Brian Merritt/Getty Images)

Publication: People

Date: 14 Nov 2011

Welcome to the kid's table in gossip hell, Eva Amurri!  The actress from Californication got married recently, but she is referred to as Susan Sarandon's daughter.  Her husband, soccer player Kyle Martino, and her father, director/actor Tim Robbins, were not worth mentioning at all, at least on the cover.

Best wishes to all concerned.

Bun in the Oven Alert: Jessica Simpson admits her pregnancy.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, OK!

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian helped prove a point this week.  If you want publicity about something in your life, announce it on a Monday.  This gives the supermarket rags exactly enough lead time to get the story on the cover of the magazines that will be announced on their websites on Wednesday and available on newsstands on Thursday.  

 

People, Us Weekly and OK! have stories about the pregnancy which Jessica has finally confirmed after a month of rumors which this time turned out to be true.  Here are the headlines.

• People: Baby update! Jessica Simpson
• Us Weekly: Jessica Talks: "I can't wait to meet my baby!"
• OK!: Jess having twins

The website GossipCop says the twins part is not true.

Best wishes to all concerned.

On the rocks alert: The divorce of Kim'n'Kris makes the cover of SEVEN gossip rags.

Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star, National Enquirer

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

Fresh trash... on Wednesdays!  Yes, we get a story covered in seven supermarket rags, the most of any story in at least two years.

It's official!  I now hate Kim Kardashian's guts.  After nearly two years for not caring one way or the other, her obvious timing of ending her marriage for maximum exposure in the supermarket rags convinces me that she is exactly why the 99% should consider our modern society all out class warfare.

Here are the headlines from all seven magazines, which should be counted as a clean sweep. (The Globe and low rent Examiner skew too old for Kris, and the Sun is only interested in the End of the World.)

• People: Kim's 72-day marriage: Mistake or fake?
  The real story
  Exclusive details
  What drove her to divorce now
  Husband Kris blindsided
  Just another reality TV stunt?
• In Touch: $500 Million Divorce!
  The shocking betrayal that could void Kim's prenup!
• OK!:  Kim files for divorce: "We're done!"
  After only 72 days!
  Why Kim felt trapped, embarrassed and tricked
  Kris' ultimatum: "Me or your family"
  He throws a divorce party
  Kim tells OK!: "This isn't easy"
• Weekly Life & Style: First interview only in Life&Style
  Why I left him
  An embarrassed Kim: 'There was nothing else I could do'
  Kris wants the ring back: 'She used me!'
  Ex-boyfriend Reggie asks to reunite
• Star: Kim: single & pregnant
  Divorce bombshell
  Showdown over baby ended marriage
• National Enquirer: After divorce papers filed…
  Kim & Kris' wedding scam exposed!
  photo proof inside
• Us Weekly:  My Big mistake
  Inside their final days
  Why Kim almost called off the wedding
  Their nasty private fights
  Did they marry for love or money?

 I have only one comment.  If Reggie Bush really wants to get back into the middle of this circus, he should get tested for concussion related brain damage.

J.R. Martinez of Dancing With The Stars

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

 

Iraqi war veteran is on Dancing With The Stars this season and this week, People gives his story the majority of the cover.  Here are the headlines.

• Triumph after tragedy
• Dancing's hero J.R. Martinez
• Burned over 40% of his body, the Iraq war veteran wished he'd died.
• Now winning the hearts of millions on Dancing With the Stars, he reveals his remarkable journey

 

Amanda Knox: Her life now.

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

The magazines in the AMI kennel treat Amanda Knox like a stone cold killer.  The five nicer gossip rags acts like it was a miscarriage of justice and give her the benefit of the doubt.  People, of course, is one of the five nicer gossip rags.

Bells Done Rung™: Elizabeth Edwards' daughter Cate weds.

(photo courtesy flynet)

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

People wants us to know that Cate Edwards, the daughter of the late Elizabeth Edwards, recently got married.

Technically, she also has to be the daughter of the under indictment scumbag John Edwards, but his name isn't mentioned.