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All this week's Twilight related gossip.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Lots more planted crap about the stars of Twilight this week.  Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: It's official!
  Secret wedding in England!
  Rob & Kristen Exclusive
  The dress, the dreamy venue & her shocking vow
• OK!:  Rob to Taylor
  Stay away from Kristen
• Weekly Life & Style: Inside Rob & Kristen's love nest

Planted crap: Twilight's sexy secrets.

Publication: People

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

People has some planted crap about Twilight now that the movie is out. It includes a picture of Rob and Kristen on the cover.

Since it's People, it has to be special planted crap, so they say it's "exclusive".

Hairdresser Alert™: One of the Twilight hunks is gay!

Publication: Star

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Now that the latest installment of the Twilight movies is out, expect the level of planted crap to rise.  Star has a mean streak even when it prints planted crap, and they say one of the young men in this picture (Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner) is coming out soon.  here are the headlines.

• Twilight hunk: I'm gay!
• Who will make the shocking announcement?

Not that it means a thing, but Kellan is the only one who hasn't had his name plastered all over the gossip rags famously squiring a lovely young thing.  Rob is still deeply in gossip mag love with Kristen Stewart (see story above, also planted crap), while Taylor Lautner was dating Taylor Swift a few boyfriends back.

Both or either of those could be smokescreens.  Just sayin'.

Planted crap: Stories about the Breaking Dawn stars.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, OK!

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

The latest Twilight movie will be out soon and the gossip rags are printing stories in advance to keep the fans salivating.

From what I've heard, these fans have much more saliva than most.

Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Kristen: desperate to keep Rob
• OK!:  Breaking Dawn secrets!

Bells Done Rung Alert™: Exclusive wedding albums

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip heck, Nikki Reed! The actress from the Twilight series got married and Us ran pictures from her wedding album.

Shannen Doherty also got married. Us tells its readers that she had three gowns. I'm no fashion expert, but I hope the other two looked better than this one.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Rob and Kirsten's Twilight wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 June 2011

Last year, OK! had a seriously delusional person writing their cover copy. Anything that was happening to the characters from Twilight was happening in the lives of the actors. It wasn't Edward and Bella getting married, it was Rob and Kristen. Now at least, they seem to understand the difference between the characters and actors.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding of the year from Twilight!

Publications: Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up, but I can't for the life of me remember who is getting married.

Oh, that's right, it's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! Or is it Edward and Bella? In any case, here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Twilight honeymoon photos
• Weekly Life & Style: Rob & Kristen's secret honeymoon

You can see why I'm confused about whether it's the characters or the actors.

You know, the more I think about it, I don't think this is the big wedding this weekend. I know it will come to me eventually.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Twilight wedding pics, but not on the cover.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 25 April 2011

The practice of having a cover story without artwork continues and is spreading. Weekly Life & Style says they have pictures from the wedding from the latest installment of Twilight, but they don't show even a sneak peek on the cover, so I won't add any artwork either.

I'm trying to shame the gossip rags out of this. It's not working. Obviously, shame is not the right tactic to use on these people, but I will continue trying.

Most Dishonest Story of the Week:Rob and Kristen's wedding and baby news

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 February 2011

So here's the first Twilight story of the new year, and once again we have a magazine confusing Rob and Kristen the actors with the characters they portray, Edward and Bella.

I don't think this is a big spoiler alert for the Twilight fans. Edward and Bella get married and have a baby. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are actors who may or may not be dating in real life. This one gets the prize for Most Dishonst Story of the Week.

Looking over the list of Most Dishonest winners in the past, all of the awards have gone to Weekly Life & Style or OK!, and most of those have been Twilight stories. The others have been separate headlines saying actresses Katie Holmes and Jennifer Aniston were pregnant when in fact they were playing characters who were pregnant.

Planted Crap Alert:Secrets from Breaking Dawn

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 December 2010

This is the fourth straight week that stories about the filming of Breaking Dawn have been in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, a publicity push that seems oddly timed for a movie scheduled to open eleven months from now. The saturation marketing makes a little more sense when we take into account that Eclipse, most recently released movie in the series, is now available on DVD and would make lovely holiday gifts for the vampire obsessed fans on your shopping list.

Just trying to help.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Kristen Stewart talks about her character being pregnant

Publication: OK!
Date: 13 December 2010

OK! has been like a delusional person over the past few months. They have had several reports of actresses getting pregnant when in fact they were playing pregnant characters in movies, or reported on marriages of actors when it was just roles they were playing.

This week, they say it right up front. Kristen Stewart talks about playing Bella, a character in a movie who gets pregnant. (I hope this isn't a huge spoiler for fans.)

While I am not the therapist for the headline writers at OK!, I'd like to tell them that they are making excellent progress and I believe they will soon be able to tell reality from fiction on a regular basis and become productive members of society once again.

Nice work, fellas.

Completely Vague Title Alert:Twilight fight!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 5 July 2010

Most of the gossip about Twilight centers on the possibly true and possibly made up romance between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. The headline from this week's Weekly Life & Style could be about anyone, and as usual, I just read the cover, not the story inside.