Damn You Skinny Alert™: More skin and bone celebrities.

 Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

The main story on the cover of Weekly Life & Style this week was about too skinny Angelina Jolie.  Two other less famous female celebrities were also mentioned.

They claim Real Housewife Bethenny forgets to eat.

And already too skinny Leann Rimes is allegedly skinnier than ever.

On the rocks alert: Two different versions of the break-up of Ali and Roberto from The Bachelorette.

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

 

I am not a watcher of reality TV. The various versions of The Bachelor do not have the absolutely least interest to me of all reality TV - that's probably Teen Mom or Toddlers'N'Tiaras - but when I hear about the inevitable romantic troubles the couples get into, I can only think of those wise words of Rocket J. Squirrel and the overly optimistic reply of his friend Bulwinkle.

"But that trick never works!"

 

"This time for sure!"

Ali and Roberto are no more.  Who showed whom the door?  It depends on which gossip rag you believe.

• People: The Bachelorette break-up
  Exclusive
  Why I Left Him
  Ali's Tears and Regrets
  Inside their explosive fights and heartbreaking final night together
  Roberto 'Devastated'
• Weekly Life & Style: Why he left Ali

I do not know the truth but I believe the People version, in part because of the extra details and in part because it's People vs. Weekly Life & Style.  People isn't perfect, but it's a lot better than the rest in terms of reporting.

All this week's Twilight related gossip.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Lots more planted crap about the stars of Twilight this week.  Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: It's official!
  Secret wedding in England!
  Rob & Kristen Exclusive
  The dress, the dreamy venue & her shocking vow
• OK!:  Rob to Taylor
  Stay away from Kristen
• Weekly Life & Style: Inside Rob & Kristen's love nest

All this week's BrAngelina drama.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, National Enquirer

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Two very different stories this week, mainly about Angelina Jolie, but Brad and daughter Shiloh get mentioned as well, so they count as BrAngelina.  Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style:  Angelina: Desperate to be skinny
  She's surviving on just 600 calories a day
  Brad begs a stressed and frail Angelina to stop starving herself
• National Enquirer: Brad rages at Angelina for raising Shiloh as a boy!
  All the details
  Put her in a dress! Brad orders Angie!

All the Kim'N'Kris noise for the week.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Star

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I do hope that Kim Kardashian's star is fading, but I'm not silly enough to expect she would vanish from the gossip rags overnight.  There are four stories about her this week, one which ignores her estranged husband and will be reported separately.  Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim to Kris: Stop calling me fat!
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim alone for the holidays
• Star: Kim's bombshell: Kris is gay!
  Secret behind marriage disaster
  He wouldn't touch her after the honeymoon
  what Khloe saw
  NOW Kris vows to DESTROY the Kardashians

Bells are Ringing (yet again) Alert™: Kristin Cavallari engaged again.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

 

It is the rare reality TV star who can get good press in the supermarket rags a year and a half after her show is off the air, but Kristin Cavallari appears to be that rare individual.  Weekly Life & Style thinks their readers still want to know about her love life, but not enough to put a picture of her intended on the cover.  You'll have to open the magazine to find out to whom she is engaged, and that is something I don't do on general principles.

Bun in the Oven Alert™: Brad confirms baby # 7

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

The headline only mentions Brad Pitt as a source for a rumor that the Jolie-Pitt clan will be adding another member, but the picture on the cover is of BrAngelina, so this story gets a label mentioning both of them.   With these two, it may not be a Bun In The Oven Alert™ per se, but that's the only label I have that fits.

It should also be noted that a new addition to the Jolie-Pitt clan is a rumor as popular as the Kardashian pregnancy stories, and we haven't had one of those in at least two years.

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the Demi-Ashton divorce.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style, OK!, In Touch, Star

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Six cover stories about the Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher divorce announcement this week.  The only magazine that might have put it on the cover and didn't was the Enquirer. The Globe and the low rent Examiner aren't interested in people this young, except for British royalty.

Here are the headlines.

• People:  Demi & Ashton split
  Inside the final days
  $290 million divorce
  The real story
  Their "intense" fights
  A desperate last-ditch trip to save the marriage
  how age, cheating and insecurity domed them
• OK!: Ashton & Demi divorce
  Why she finally left
• Weekly Life & Style: Why Demi finally left Ashton
• Star: Demi divorce bombshell
  Ashton's new lies
• In Touch: The final insult
  What Demi found!
• Us Weekly: How Demi got the courage to dump Ashton

Kim'N'Kris: Three stories on Turkey Day about these turkeys

Publications: Us Weekly, OK!, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

The number of Kim'N'Kris stories went up to three this week, including two lead stories. Last week, it was only two stories with one being a lead.  Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Husband from hell
  The truth comes out
  He hit on other women, called Kim FAT and mocked her family
  Why she couldn't fake it anymore
• Weekly Life & Style: The Kardashians' biggest fear:
  Kris sues Kim for $10 million
  Now it's war!
  The Kardashians go ballistic as Kris' family exposes all their dirty secrets 
• OK!: Breaking news: Kim & Kris talk reunion

Once again, OK! cements its reputation as the nicest if not most reliable of the gossip rags. The idea that they are getting back together again is extremely far-fetched if there is a shred of truth in all the other dozens of stories we've been bombarded with over the past two months.  In fact, you have to go back to late September to find the last positive cover story about Kim'n'Kris, when OK! reported she was pregnant.

Bells Done Rung: Kim Z.'s wedding album

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

News has been slow on the Real Housewives front for a few weeks now, but Kim Zolchiak just had a modest little $1,000,000 wedding and Weekly Life & Style thought we in the 99% would like to see pictures from this opulent display.

This week's Demi and Ashton headlines.

 Publications: National Enquirer, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

More stories this week about Demi and Ashton than there are about Kim Kardashian.  Could the supermarket rags be getting over her at last?  It's early, but I think it's also possible.  Here are the Ashton-Demi headlines, printed mere hours before the divorce proceedings were made public.

• National Enquirer:  Demi's face is melting!
  Ashton's cheating is taking a toll
  (now and 6 months ago)
• Star: Exclusive details
      Demi: How 'Open Marriage' destroyed her
• Weekly Life & Style: January's baby: Is Ashton the dad?
• Us Weekly: Ashton & Demi's vacation to save their marriage

A lot of magazines have been predicting the divorce for a while, so I'm not handing out a scoop for this one, but if the rumor about January Jones' baby is true, that could very well have been the last straw.

Love bird alert™: J. Lo dating a 24-year-old.

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays.  Two stories about Jennifer Lopez, singer, actress, TV personality and high maintenance beee-yotch extraordinaire, has a new boy toy who does not meet the Sophisticated French Rule.  She is now 42, so half her age plus seven is 28 and she is dating a 24-year-old.

Typical diva nonsense.  Here are the headlines.

• People: J. Lo's new man: He's 24
• Weekly Life & Style:  42-year-old J. Lo dating a 24-year-old!

 Here's where I usually type some encouragement, but this woman has to get over herself.

On the rocks alert and man slut alert: Kourtney betrayed by Scott!

 Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  Over recent months, the lion's share of Kardashian stories have been about Kim, but this week Kourtney and her no-good boyfriend get a big cover spread on Weekly Life & Style. Here are the headlines.

• Betrayed: Scott's affair with Kristin
•     A devastated Kourtney calls off the wedding
•     Another Kardashian bombshell
•     Sleazy Scott caught with Kristin Cavallari in Vegas

And since she's mentioned, here's a picture of Kristin, a former reality TV star so definitely in Scott's league, but not a cash cow, so he might want to rethink this.

If what happens in Scott Disick's rum and testosterone fevered brain can be called thinking.

Planted crap: Stories about the Breaking Dawn stars.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, OK!

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

The latest Twilight movie will be out soon and the gossip rags are printing stories in advance to keep the fans salivating.

From what I've heard, these fans have much more saliva than most.

Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Kristen: desperate to keep Rob
• OK!:  Breaking Dawn secrets!

On the rocks and Love Bird alerts: Lauren Conrad's love life.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

For most reality TV stars, being without a show on the air is something like a fish being out of water.  But in terms of celebrity, Lauren Conrad must be part lungfish because the gossip rags still care about her.  Her Hills co-star Heidi Montag might just explode from jealousy.

Then again, Heidi might explode from too much plastic surgery.

In any case, here are the headlines. 

• Weekly Life & Style:  LC & Derek: It's over!
• Us Weekly: Lauren & Chace hooking up

For those of you not on a first name basis with every celebrity less than 40, Derek is Derek Hough from Dancing With The Stars and Chace is Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl.

Bundle of joy alert: Justin Bieber and alleged fatherhood.

Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Star broke the story of the woman who says Justin Bieber is the father of her baby.  Justin, just 17 years old, is handling this sex scandal much more professionally than Herman Cain, nearly four times his age.  Weekly Life & Style joins the questioning chorus, though I remain highly skeptical.

Here are the headlines.

• Star:  Bieber baby accuser: "I have proof"
• Star exclusive
• Weekly Life & Style: Justin: Ready to be a dad?

Love bird alert™: Cameron Diaz and P. Diddy dating

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

According to Weekly Life & Style, Cameron Diaz and P. Diddy are now a couple.  Unlike many alleged couples when first reported, I was able to go online and find a picture of them together in public, so that must count for something.

 

 

Will Adele sing again?

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Welcome to American gossip hell, Adele!  The British pop singer gets her first appearance on the cover of an American gossip rag with a story about surgery and the concern that she might not be able to sing again.

On the rocks alert: The divorce of Kim'n'Kris makes the cover of SEVEN gossip rags.

Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star, National Enquirer

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

Fresh trash... on Wednesdays!  Yes, we get a story covered in seven supermarket rags, the most of any story in at least two years.

It's official!  I now hate Kim Kardashian's guts.  After nearly two years for not caring one way or the other, her obvious timing of ending her marriage for maximum exposure in the supermarket rags convinces me that she is exactly why the 99% should consider our modern society all out class warfare.

Here are the headlines from all seven magazines, which should be counted as a clean sweep. (The Globe and low rent Examiner skew too old for Kris, and the Sun is only interested in the End of the World.)

• People: Kim's 72-day marriage: Mistake or fake?
  The real story
  Exclusive details
  What drove her to divorce now
  Husband Kris blindsided
  Just another reality TV stunt?
• In Touch: $500 Million Divorce!
  The shocking betrayal that could void Kim's prenup!
• OK!:  Kim files for divorce: "We're done!"
  After only 72 days!
  Why Kim felt trapped, embarrassed and tricked
  Kris' ultimatum: "Me or your family"
  He throws a divorce party
  Kim tells OK!: "This isn't easy"
• Weekly Life & Style: First interview only in Life&Style
  Why I left him
  An embarrassed Kim: 'There was nothing else I could do'
  Kris wants the ring back: 'She used me!'
  Ex-boyfriend Reggie asks to reunite
• Star: Kim: single & pregnant
  Divorce bombshell
  Showdown over baby ended marriage
• National Enquirer: After divorce papers filed…
  Kim & Kris' wedding scam exposed!
  photo proof inside
• Us Weekly:  My Big mistake
  Inside their final days
  Why Kim almost called off the wedding
  Their nasty private fights
  Did they marry for love or money?

 I have only one comment.  If Reggie Bush really wants to get back into the middle of this circus, he should get tested for concussion related brain damage.

Bundles of joy alert: Pictures of Mariah Carey's twins.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get the best kind of publicity possible in the gossip rags, picture of them and their pretty, healthy babies.  Best wishes to all involved.