Damn you skinny alert: Mariah Carey loses the baby weight.

Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Us says Mariah Carey has lost a lot of the weight she gained while pregnant.  Here are the headlines.

•  30 lbs. in three months
• I got my body back
• Mariah's easy day-by-day plan that you can do
• Her life at home with the twins

Bundles of joy alert: Pictures of Mariah Carey's twins.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get the best kind of publicity possible in the gossip rags, picture of them and their pretty, healthy babies.  Best wishes to all involved.

On the rocks alert: Trouble for Nick and Mariah!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!



Welcome to gossip hell, Lys Agnes! The 27 year old contestant on America's Got Talent is said to be the other woman in the marriage of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, according to the National Enquirer.

Bundle of Joy Alert: Meet Mariah's babies.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 16 May 2011

Mariah Carey has finally delivered her twins. She actually announced the pregnancy in October, only seven months ago, but there have been rumors since March 2010, which would give her the gestation period of an Indian elephant.

The twins are now named Monroe and Morroccan (?!?!?)When the child turns 18, he will be allowed to change his name to something sensible, but by then, most of the major bullying will have been done.

Breaking news: Mariah Carey gives birth to twins.

Publication: Huffington Post
Date: 30 April 2011

What seems like an extremely long pregnancy has come to a safe conclusion today as Mariah Carey gives birth to twins, 5 pounds 3 ounces and 5 pounds 6 ounces, small for regular babies but not out of the ordinary for twins.

Best wishes to all the family.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: Mariah Carey's baby joy.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 May 2011

Does is seem to you like Mariah Carey has been pregnant forever? The first rumors of her being pregnant started thirteen months ago and it's been seven months since she announced on The Today Show she would be have a baby in the spring. In any case, this is the eighth cover story about Mariah this year, all but one about the pregnancy. This one promise exclusive pictures of the lavish nursery as well.

Best wishes to all involved.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: Mariah Carey nude and pregnant on the cover of Weekly Life & Style

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 18 April 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style makes a bid to cut through the standard clutter associated with supermarket rag covers this week. Just one story on the front with just one picture, a naked and pregnant Mariah Carey.

This is not the first nude and pregnant celebrity on the cover of a magazine. Demi Moore did the same thing twenty years ago on the cover of Vanity Fair, and there have been pregnant nudes of Claudia Schiffer on Vogue and Britney Spears on Harper's Bazaar. But you will notice that none of those other publications is one of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. Because this is an interesting editorial decision for a gossip rag, this is the only update I'm going to do on Thursday morning, when I usually do three or four to ring in the new gossip week.

More fresh trash later today.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Mariah Carey rushed to hospital.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 April 2011

The practice of having headlines without artwork is spreading from the AMI kennel to all the rest of the supermarket rags. (Technically, People has two such stories this week, but I forgive them because they gave the entire cover to a great glamor shot of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.) Weekly Life & Style prints the confirmed story that Mariah Carey was rushed to the hospital after experiencing false labor.

Best wishes to Mariah, her family and babies.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: Mariah and Kate baby panic!

Publication: OK!
Date: 4 April 2011

OK! likes to go with short and vague headlines, and this one certainly qualifies. "Mariah and Kate baby panic!" is accompanied by pictures of the two women, both of whom are confirmed pregnant. If you want to know what the panic is, you'll just have to read it yourself while standing in the supermarket line.

If I were a suspicious person, I might think the mini-flurry of interest in Kate Hudson is hoping to get people who aren't paying close attention to buy the magazine hoping to get a story about Kate Middleton or maybe even Kate Gosselin. Both stories this week just use the first name "Kate", but they do include an identifying picture.

As I said, this might fool people who aren't paying close attention. As a math teacher, I know these people exist.

In numbers too big to ignore.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: Inside Mariah's baby shower.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 March 2011

The first Mariah Carey pregnancy rumors started over a year ago, so unless she has had a twelve month pregnancy, those early stories were just so much speculation. Weekly Life & Style has a story about her baby shower this week.

Best wishes to the happy couple and the twins that should be coming along in the next few weeks.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face: Mariah Carey's sister is a hooker

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 February 2011

The Flagship doesn't like Mariah Carey much, though to be fair, they hate almost everybody. They have been the only source for stories about her current pregnancy having problems, and instead of re-hashing that this week, now they tell us her sister is a "$250 an hour adult escort".

Stay classy, Enquirer!

Buns In The Oven Alert™:Weekly Life & Style goes crazy for the pregnant

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 14 February 2011

While Weekly Life & Style devoted most of their cover to saying two women who aren't currently pregnant will be (Khloe Kardashian and Katie Holmes), they also had stories about women who actually are pregnant right now. They had pictures of Natalie Portman, Kate Hudson and Mariah Carey, as well as the news that Mariah's twins are a boy and a girl.

Best wishes to all.

Meanest Story nominee:Mariah's unborn twins in danger

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 January 2011

Usually, several different rags have nominees for Meanest Story of the Week, but this week, nobody gets as mean as the Enquirer and all three nominees are on the cover of this supermarket staple. The most recent pregnancy stories in the gossip rags about Mariah are from two months ago, and since that time she has confirmed she is expecting twins, having let that information slip out in a discussion with Barack Obama, another favorite target of gossip.

Now, the Enquirer has announced she is expecting twins, but has to add to the story that the babies are in mortal danger and there is a battle to keep them alive. You might also recall that the Enquirer wrote similar stories during Kelly Preston's pregnancy and now mother and baby are fine.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Nice stories about Mariah Carey's pregnancy

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 15 November 2010

Besides the mean story in the Flagship, two other gossip rags weigh in with stories about Mariah Carey's announcement of her pregnancy.

Us Weekly has a lot of details on the cover, including that she had a miscarriage previously and has gone through the nightmare of fertility treatments. They also say that Nick's love has kept her strong, a complete contradiction to the take in the Enquirer that is a Meanest Story nominee this week.

When OK! doesn't make a story its lead and take up about three quarters of the cover, it is usually skimpy with details, and this is no exception. Their small headline reads "Mariah pregnant".

Thanks, OK! We knew that.

Meanest Story nominee:Mariah's pregnancy nightmare

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 15 November 2010

The AMI kennel is always ready to make the worst out of any situation, including pregnancy. Mariah Carey has announced she is pregnant, and the Flagship says it's a nightmare. You might think they were talking about an earlier pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, but instead it's this pregnancy which is allegedly tearing her and husband Nick Cannon apart.

Stay classy, Enquirer.

Breaking news:Mariah Carey confirms pregnancy on Today Show

On the Today Show this morning, Mariah Carey confirmed the rumors of pregnancy, saying the baby was due in the spring. Rumors have been swirling since last spring, but subtracting nine months, we will say the confirmed rumors started in June.

Best wishes to Mariah, Nick and their little bundle of joy.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:J. Lo and Mariah, inside the feud.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 18 October 2010

Fresh trash delivered tomorrow. Last trash of the week... right now!

Years ago, Mariah Carey dismissed rumors that she and Jennifer Lopez would do a duet with the timeless quote: "I'd rather go on stage with a pig."

Oh, that Mariah. If she didn't sing, she could have had such a career as a diplomat. Also, given what she looks like now, Mariah is going on stage AS a pig. Not the best choice of words in human history.

Rumors also surfaced after it looked like American False Idol would dump J Lo. that Mariah had some interest in the job. This may have just been planted crap trying to get the Bronx diva back in line.

Well, it's not Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine, the supermarket rags are always happy to have a still simmering catfight to talk about. As to who is the biggest star, Mariah has sold about 200 million records to J. Lo's 25 million. In Jennifer's defense, she has made some movies people actually went to see.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Mariah Carey's big baby news

Publication: In Touch
Date: 6 September 2010

News flash! Mariah Carey is a big baby!

Actually, In Touch is printing the rumors that the diva is heavy with child, not just heavy with Li'l Debbie sponge cakes. She and Nick Cannon are still being coy about the announcement.

I decided to go with this glamor shot of Ms. Carey, but the blog has been getting a lot of hits from guys who like her looking like this instead.

UPDATE: In late October, Mariah confirmed the pregnancy rumors with a baby due in the spring.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Mariah Carey pregnant

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 June 2010

This is a story that isn't going away, though still no official response from Mariah and her husband. This is the closest thing to a positive story about Mariah in Weekly Life & Style. Before this, the stories in this particular rag told us that she was too fat and that she and Nick Cannon were not having sex.

UPDATE: In October, Mariah confirmed a pregnancy with a baby due in the spring.

Bun(s?) In The Oven Alert™:Mariah Carey expecting, maybe more than one

Publications: National Enquirer, Us Weekly
Date: 14 June 2010

Remember two weeks ago when the Enquirer was saying that Mariah Carey was having trouble conceiving? Well, now The Flagship says Mariah is expecting twins, while Us Weekly is just saying "baby at last" with no mention of multiple babies.

No official word from Mariah or her husband Nick Cannon as of this writing.

UPDATE: In October, Mariah confirmed she is pregnant with the child due in the spring. Later, the couple announced twins. The thing is, these stories were published in early June 2010, and in mid March 2011 over nine and a half months months later, Mariah has not given birth yet, so neither story deserves confirmation.