Mary Tyler Moore cheats death!

Publication: Globe

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

More "Hey, Old Timer!" gossip from the Globe, one of the two supermarket rags that skews older and more morbid than the rest. (The other is the low rent Examiner, a fellow kennel mate at American Media, Inc., owner of the five meanest of the American gossip magazines.) The sub headline reads "secret hospital drama".  "Drama" is code for a story that isn't even remotely similar to the sensationalistic headlines and often false in the bargain.

 

Best wishes to Miss Moore, her family and friends, from a fan.

Hospitalization alert: Vivian Jolie-Pitt rushed to hospital!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Jolie-Pitt brood is in Hungary where Brad is filming World War Z, and Viv came down with flu symptoms and was taken to the hospital just to be on the safe side.

I was going to make this a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week, but since I have found it verified in other sources I decided against it.

Best wishes to Viv and her family.

Meanest story nominee: Reese Witherspoon's brain surgery drama!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Earlier this month, Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car and briefly hospitalized. It was a one day story in the online gossip world and the timing was bad for the supermarket rags. But more than a week later, the Enquirer puts her on the cover with overly sensational headlines.

• Days after being hit by car
• Reese's Brain Surgery Drama!
  
• World Exclusive photos inside
• It could be deadly!

Technically, any strong concussion can turn deadly, but it's rare. For the serious over-reaction, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Breaking news: Reese Witherspoon hit by car while jogging, briefly hospitalized.

(photo from Getty Images)
Publication: Huffington Post
Date: 7 September 2011

The Huffington Post is reporting that actress and recent bride Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car while jogging in Santa Monica and briefly hospitalized. Her representative says she is now home and resting comfortably.

Best wishes to Ms. Witherspoon, her family and friends, from a fan.

Meanest story nominee: Oprah's heart attack drama.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Oprah Winfrey is just a story or two away from breaking into the top ten for most cover appearances, almost all of them on the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Flagship taking pot shots at her, saying she now weighs 271 pounds and she underwent a secret four hour surgery to save her life.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Mary Tyler Moore's last hope!

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe wants us to know that Mary Tyler Moore is in bad shape, whether it is true or not. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Secret behind her brain surgery ordeal
• What she's hiding from fans
  

They didn't say she was going to die in any direct way, but "last hope" and "brain surgery" in the same story's headlines can't be good. Best wishes to Ms. Moore, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Hospitalization alert: Judge Judy stroke shocker!

Publication: Globe
Date: 18 April 2011

The Globe reports on a story already in the legitimate press that Judge Judy was hospitalized after an incident during taping of her show. She complained of stomach distress, but also began speaking incoherently during one of the cases, so people are guessing that she may have had a mild stroke.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Mariah Carey rushed to hospital.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 April 2011

The practice of having headlines without artwork is spreading from the AMI kennel to all the rest of the supermarket rags. (Technically, People has two such stories this week, but I forgive them because they gave the entire cover to a great glamor shot of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.) Weekly Life & Style prints the confirmed story that Mariah Carey was rushed to the hospital after experiencing false labor.

Best wishes to Mariah, her family and babies.

Hospitalization alert: Serena Williams talks to People

Publication: People
Date: 21 March 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Serena Williams! Though since she agreed to be interviewed by the most reliable of the supermarket rags, the Gold Standard People magazine, it might be more like gossip heck.

Serena tells People about her recent hospitalization to have blood clots removed from a pulmonary embolism, and her quote on the cover is "I'm lucky to be alive." It is the policy of this blog to commend celebrities for coming forward to discuss health problems that could get readers thinking about their own health situations, so good on ya, Serena.

And on a less morally uplifting note, while I am not the world's great connoisseur of the female backside, looking at this picture I have to say I cannot tell if Serena Williams was actually born just drawn by Robert Crumb and sprang to life right off the page.

Kim Kardashian? Who dat?

Meanest Story nominee: Angelina's emergency surgery drama!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 March 2011

BrAngelina are still the evergreen supermarket rag gossip story, but this is the first time I've given a story about them a nomination as Meanest Story of the Week. It's not that the tabloids are never mean to them, far from it. It just that the level of viciousness has never been this high before.

It's the mean old Enquirer who gets this first time nomination with a story I can't find confirmed anywhere else that Angelina had an emergency surgery at some time in the undisclosed past. The sub-headers read:

• The bloody 8-hour procedure, hospital stay and painful recovery
• Brad: "I'm afraid you are going to die!"

Stay classy, Enquirer!

Hospitalization alert: More surgery for Miss Aretha Franklin

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 February 2011

I suppose it counts as some sign of morbid respect that all the bad stories about Miss Aretha Franklin have been in the Enquirer and they haven't shopped them out to the less "prestigious" Wicked Step Sisters, the Globe and the Examiner. In any case, this week they only say that the Queen of Soul needs more surgery, not that she is closer to death.

Best wishes to Miss Aretha Franklin, her family and friends, from a fan.

Hosptialization alert:Dean McDermott falls off his motorcycle... again!

Publication: TMZ.com
Date: 1 July 2010

While this week's tabloid headlines are a little re-hashy, the website TMZ es en fuego tonight! Four stories that are considerably better than the stuff in the magazines this week.

Dean McDermott, creepy husband of Tori Spelling that nobody seems to like, was in an off road motorcycle accident. He has broken ribs which punctured and collapsed his lung, which is obviously no damn fun at all, but doctors expect him to make a complete recovery.

This is his second motorcycle accident this year. Dean, take a hint.

Hospitalization alert:Gary Coleman

Publication: Associated Press
Date: 27 May 2010

Gary Coleman is in the hospital in critical condition. No other details at this time.

Best wishes to Gary, his friends and family.

Hospitalization alert:The battle to save Barbara Walters

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 24 May 2010



The Flagship, usually the nastiest of the rags, puts as positive a spin on this story, which was already in the legitimate press since Ms. Walters reported her surgery on her TV show The View. They do not say she is dying or that these are her Brave Last Days, just that the procedure is serious, which is true.



Best wishes to Ms. Walters and her family, but not from a fan.

Bret Michaels speaks

Publication: People
Date: 17 May 2010

People, only a week after their huge scoop about Sandra Bullock, her baby and the divorce, talk to Bret Michaels after he recovered from the brain hemorrhage. The quote on the cover is "I was thinking about my daughters growing up without me."

I've never been a fan of his music and the Rock of Love reality show is just tacky, but this quote is what a mensch says. Best wishes to Bret, and I hope he lives up to this quote with whatever time he has left, may it be many decades.

Late to the Party alert:Bret Michael's hospitalization

Publications: Weekly Life and Style, Us Weekly
Date: 10 May 2010

Quite often, any trip to the hospital is portrayed as a person near death, but both Weekly Life and Style and Us Weekly instead talk about Bret Michaels fighting for his life instead of calling him near death, so this does not count as a Not Long 4 This World alert.

According to the internet, Michaels isn't the hard party guy you would expect a glam rock star to be, because he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a kid and he had one scary episode back in the glory days of his band Poison and hasn't been tempted again to get seriously drunk. I do not know if he is a complete teetotaler.

This isn't the best time to quibble, but the things that happened to him recently don't really count as him fighting for his life as much as doctors fighting for his life and him recovering from surgery. Appendectomies and brain hemorrhages are deadly serious to be sure, but it isn't so much about the patient being "a fighter" as it is about getting to a doctor in time and getting a proper diagnosis.

Best wishes to Bret for a speedy and full recovery.

Breaking news:Bret Michaels hospitalized

Publication: Associated Press

Date: Apr. 23 2010

Bret Michaels, leader singer of the rock band Poison, is in critical condition following a massive brain hemorrhage. Last week, he was in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. He was diagnosed with Type I diabetes when he was six.

Best wishes to Mr. Michaels on a full recovery.

Setting the record straight:The Alec Baldwin hospitalization

Publication: People
Date: 1 March 2010

People talks to the people involved and gets to the bottom of the Alec Baldwin hospitalization story first reported two weeks ago yesterday.

Hospitalization alert:Etta James

Publication: Los Angeles Times online
Date: 29 Jan. 2010

Late last month, singer Etta James was hospitalized after a battle with sepsis. Her son now says she is changing hospitals after two weeks.

Here at It's News 2 Them™, Miss James is every bit the national treasure that Miss Loretta Lynn is and we wish her a speedy recovery.

Hospitalization alert: Bill Clinton

Publication: Associated Press
Date: 11 Feb. 2010

The tabloids could have told us the Big Dog was in danger of heart problems instead of telling us al-Qaeda almost killed him, but that would have been news we could use.

Forty years ago, someone in Clinton's situation would have been in serious trouble, but the stent technology makes a huge difference. Best wishes to the Big Dog and his family.