Bun In The Oven Alert™: Tori and Dean's Baby #3

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 April 2011

Us Weekly tells us Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have baby number three on the way.

The fact that they have a new reality TV show I sure is just blind coincidence, but I don't have "blind coincidence" label, so I'll use "Planted Crap" instead.

Hosptialization alert:Dean McDermott falls off his motorcycle... again!

Publication: TMZ.com
Date: 1 July 2010

While this week's tabloid headlines are a little re-hashy, the website TMZ es en fuego tonight! Four stories that are considerably better than the stuff in the magazines this week.

Dean McDermott, creepy husband of Tori Spelling that nobody seems to like, was in an off road motorcycle accident. He has broken ribs which punctured and collapsed his lung, which is obviously no damn fun at all, but doctors expect him to make a complete recovery.

This is his second motorcycle accident this year. Dean, take a hint.

On the Rocks Alert:Dean tells Tori marriage is DOOMED!

Publication: Star
Date: 5 July 2010

I'll admit it. I love the word "doomed". It has a great sound to it, don't you think? It's the perfect sound to mean completely screwed, especially if you stretch the sound out so it takes two or three seconds to say.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

Makes for a nice break in the day.

But just a word of advice to Dean McDermott. If you don't want to be married, just leave, don't talk about it like this. As far as I can tell, Tori's mom wants them to break up, Dean wants to break up and Tori may have some serious psychological problems.

Sounds to me like the marriage is... DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

Love Bird Alert™:Tori says "I Do" again

Publications: Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 24 May 2010

Two different rags have the story of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott renewing their wedding vows. Weekly Life & Style asks the important question "Why?"

Well, from Tori's point of view, why wouldn't she want to hold onto this big sulky hair product abuser?

From Dean's point of view, there's no better way to piss off Tori's bitchy mom.

Come to think of it, that might be Tori's number one reason as well.

On the rocks alert:Tori's divorce drama

Publication: Star magazine

Date: 26 Apr. 2010

If you believe this morning's headline from Weekly Life & Style, Tori Spelling weighs about 9 lbs., 10 oz. and will soon be lifted by a strong wind and blown away. If you believe this story from Star magazine, she has a 185 lb. growth that she has to lose and fast.

Tori's mom Candy, who from all accounts is quite the piece of work, doesn't like Tori's husband, actor Dean McDermott, and she is offering him ten million dollars to take a hike.

I'm not sure I'd be happy doing the work, but I would love to get a job with that kind of severance package, wouldn't you?