Annoying link to story below because of too many labels.

Link to story below.

Planted crap: Twilight's sexy secrets.

Publication: People

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

People has some planted crap about Twilight now that the movie is out. It includes a picture of Rob and Kristen on the cover.

Since it's People, it has to be special planted crap, so they say it's "exclusive".

Matt Lauer's "Where in the World" travel diary!

Publication: OK!

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

 

OK! gives Matt Lauer's travel gimmick a plug.

Sexiest Man Alive: Bradley Cooper

Publication: People

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

People has their Sexiest Man Alive issue once again, and just like last year, I had to say, "What? That guy?" when I saw their choice, Bradley Cooper. (Last year it was Ryan Reynolds.)

Also mentioned by first name only were George (Clooney), Brad (Pitt), Zac (Efron), Kellan (Lutz, the reason this gets the Planted Crap label), Justin (guess which one, they tease? I looked inside. Theroux)

They also had a smaller picture of Ryan Gosling and a promise of 123 super hot guys inside.

Notice last year's Sexiest Man Alive isn't even worth a mention on the cover, but another Ryan gets a picture.

Sic transit gloria mundi, y'all!

Love Bird Alert™: Rob wants to marry Kristen

Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Now that the latest installment of Twilight is out, the level of planted crap has to rise.

It's like a law of physics or something.

In any case, Rob want to marry Kristen, according to this headline.  Under my cynical hermit crab shell there is still a little bit of romantic that hopes this is true.  They look so cute in this picture.

Hairdresser Alert™: One of the Twilight hunks is gay!

Publication: Star

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

Now that the latest installment of the Twilight movies is out, expect the level of planted crap to rise.  Star has a mean streak even when it prints planted crap, and they say one of the young men in this picture (Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner) is coming out soon.  here are the headlines.

• Twilight hunk: I'm gay!
• Who will make the shocking announcement?

Not that it means a thing, but Kellan is the only one who hasn't had his name plastered all over the gossip rags famously squiring a lovely young thing.  Rob is still deeply in gossip mag love with Kristen Stewart (see story above, also planted crap), while Taylor Lautner was dating Taylor Swift a few boyfriends back.

Both or either of those could be smokescreens.  Just sayin'.

Planted crap: Stories about the Breaking Dawn stars.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, OK!

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

The latest Twilight movie will be out soon and the gossip rags are printing stories in advance to keep the fans salivating.

From what I've heard, these fans have much more saliva than most.

Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Kristen: desperate to keep Rob
• OK!:  Breaking Dawn secrets!

Planted crap: Holiday movies' hot stars.

 Publication: People

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! People has a story about the "hot holiday movies", which is an excuse to put a few movie star pictures on the cover.

There is a picture of Angelina Jolie.

And there is a picture of George Clooney.

I use the label "planted crap" derisively, but I will point out that of the seven gossip rags that might pay attention to the Kardashian train wreck, People is the only one that refrained this week, at least not giving that den of vipers any room on the cover.  That should count for something.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Rob and Kirsten's Twilight wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 June 2011

Last year, OK! had a seriously delusional person writing their cover copy. Anything that was happening to the characters from Twilight was happening in the lives of the actors. It wasn't Edward and Bella getting married, it was Rob and Kristen. Now at least, they seem to understand the difference between the characters and actors.

Least interesting cover story of the week: The film Hunger Games will be juicier than the book!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 June 2011

The Hunger Games is the new hit trilogy in young adult sci-fi, so some bright filmmaker is hoping it will turn into a hit like the young adult fantasy books Harry Potter and Twilight. Weekly Life & Style tells us it will be juicier on film, but supplies no juicy picture.

Just more planted crap AND planted crap without a photo to accompany it, the worst kind.

Love Bird Alert™: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis: It's on!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 June 2011

Who is Justin Timberlake shagging this week? If we accept this story in Weekly Life & Style and their public groping at the MTV Movie Awards last week, he's shagging Mila Kunis.

Of course, they have a movie called Friends With Benefits coming out next month, so this all could just be Planted Crap.

An intimate interview with Johnny Depp.

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

OK! has an exclusive and intimate interview with Johnny Depp now that the latest Pirates of the Caribbean is out. They had one previously when The Tourist was in the theaters last December.

Coincidence? I think not.

Brad Pitt in Cannes.

Publication: People
Date: 30 May 2011

Plenty of stories about the Jolie-Pitt clan this week, including a solo story for Brad. People has him on the cover visiting the Cannes Film Festival, where his new movie The Tree of Life, directed by Terrence Malick, was both booed and won the Grand Prize.

The French. Go figure.

Besides playing at the film festival, the movie goes into very limited release next Friday, so this one gets the Planted Crap label as well.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: Tori and Dean's Baby #3

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 April 2011

Us Weekly tells us Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have baby number three on the way.

The fact that they have a new reality TV show I sure is just blind coincidence, but I don't have "blind coincidence" label, so I'll use "Planted Crap" instead.

Love Bird Alert™: Inside Reese's honeymoon.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 April 2011

Reese Witherspoon got married last month already, but the gossip rags are not getting tired of telling us about it yet. Her husband Jim Toth is not mentioned by name, but he does get a picture, so he also gets a label.

This continuing interest might have something to do with Reese having a movie in theaters right now called Water For Elephants, so I'm also giving this story the Planted Crap label.

Rich people are rich: Inside Jen's $15 million home.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 28 February 2011

Weekly Life & Style offers a tour of Jennifer Aniston's palatial home. Obviously this is a positive story about an actress in a movie currently in the theaters, so it deserves the "planted crap" label.

But the other three stories on the cover of WL&S this week are about younger female celebrities getting ready to be married or happily pregnant.

So this story also gets the "spinster alert" label. In this gossip era, there are others who get the spinster label, but Jennifer Aniston is the subject of at least half these types of stories.

Johnny Depp tells all

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 December 2010

Johnny Depp is one of those movie stars the gossip rags ignore. He does his work, his personal life is not filled with drama, pretty much end of story. The only reason there is an interview with him in OK! is because he has a movie to promote, The Tourist with Angelina Jolie. OK! says this is his sexiest interview yet. This teaser did not change my standing policy of not opening up the magazines.

Here's hoping Mr. Depp gets to continue working for years to come and gets as little notice from the gossip rags as possible.

On the rocks alert:Christina Aguilera talks to People about her divorce

Publication: People
Date: 13 December 2010

Fresh trash delivered tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Christina Aguilera gets a cover story on People this week, talking about her divorce. They call her the star of Burlesque, her new movie in theaters now, so the story gets the Planted Crap label, not unlike the slew of stories about Julia Roberts at the time of the release of Eat, Pray, Love.

Julia got three stories and Christina only one. Julia is a much bigger star, of course, but not a tabloid favorite.

Planted Crap Alert:Secrets from Breaking Dawn

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 December 2010

This is the fourth straight week that stories about the filming of Breaking Dawn have been in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, a publicity push that seems oddly timed for a movie scheduled to open eleven months from now. The saturation marketing makes a little more sense when we take into account that Eclipse, most recently released movie in the series, is now available on DVD and would make lovely holiday gifts for the vampire obsessed fans on your shopping list.

Just trying to help.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Kristen Stewart talks about her character being pregnant

Publication: OK!
Date: 13 December 2010

OK! has been like a delusional person over the past few months. They have had several reports of actresses getting pregnant when in fact they were playing pregnant characters in movies, or reported on marriages of actors when it was just roles they were playing.

This week, they say it right up front. Kristen Stewart talks about playing Bella, a character in a movie who gets pregnant. (I hope this isn't a huge spoiler for fans.)

While I am not the therapist for the headline writers at OK!, I'd like to tell them that they are making excellent progress and I believe they will soon be able to tell reality from fiction on a regular basis and become productive members of society once again.

Nice work, fellas.