Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and On the Rocks Alert: Jen and Justin getting married or breaking up.

Publications: In Touch, Star

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

 

Justin Theroux gets on the cover of two magazines this week, both mentions in his role as Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend.  Here are the headlines.

• Star: Jen engaged (picture of Justin)
  Star exclusive!
  See the ring
• In Touch: Jen & Justin headed for a split

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Holiday Weddings for Kourtney and Jen!

Publication: OK!

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  Us Weekly and OK! are pointing in opposite directions this week in regards to the possible marriage of Kourtney Kardashian.  OK!, no longer the nicest mag (overtaken by People) but still among the least reliable, says Jennifer Aniston is getting hitched before New Year as well.  Here are the headlines.

• Why they're both rushing to marry before the new year
• PLUS: who has a baby on the way - already!

Fussin' and Feudin' alert: Justin's ex confronts Jen.

Publication: Star

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  How does a guy get in the Top Ten of mentions in gossip rags?  Well, either he's the President of the United States or he's squiring some woman in also in the Top Ten.  Justin Theroux has chosen Option #2.  According to Star, some woman he previously squired confronted his current girlfriend Jennifer Aniston.

Bun In The Oven Alert™: More stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged pregnancy.

Publications: OK!, In Touch

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Some people will point out that sometimes the gossip rags print rumors that are denied but turn out to be true.  This blog exists to point out they get stuff right sometimes and they get stuff wrong as well, with the wrong guesses outnumbering the correct stories by a significant margin.  While the supermarket mags were all over Jessica Simpson's obvious baby bump, they also can't help themselves trying to get America's favorite spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant, though the actress has denied the rumors.  Here are this week's headlines.

• OK!: Jen pregnant: medical center drama
• In Touch:  Exclusive pictures of Jen's nursery!

She has denied these stories and unlike Jessica Simpson, Jen's denials sound convincing for two reasons.  Jen doesn't look particularly heavy in recent pictures and Jen isn't a dim bulb.

Bun in the oven alert™: Jen's baby bump.

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, is trying to get America's Spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant. This week's headline reads:

Jen: her baby bump gets bigger

The story has already been denied.

Bells Done Rung Alert™, albeit very quietly: Jen and Justin elope.

(photo by Terry Richardson)

Publication: Star
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star promises an "Exclusive breaking news!" story that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have eloped. Here are the headlines.

• Jen & Justin married!
• They elope! No friends or family
• No prenup - she trusts him!
• Plus: she reconciles with mom, thanks to Justin
• All the details
  

The couple have denied this story already, but it's obvious they actually are seeing one another, so I nicked another picture of them, taken by a professional photographer where they actually look happy together.

Breaking news (?): Why Jen's in tears.

Publication: OK!
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Yet another headline with the phrase "Breaking News!" this week, this time about Jennifer Aniston being in tears. Having seen the news in other places, she's doing publicity for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and she got misty eyed listening to the stories of survivors at a treatment center in Virginia.

By all means, women should have regular check-ups, because early detection is the most important tool we have in fighting this disease.

Bun in the oven alert™: New pictures prove Jen is pregnant!

Publication: OK!
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jennifer Aniston is definitely a star of the gossip rags. As it is with BrAngelina, so has it come to pass with her. She doesn't actually have to do anything, she only has to exist and they will be glad to make up crap about her. This week it's OK!, the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, saying they have photographic proof she is heavy with child.

• bigger boobs
• telltale bump
• curvier booty!
• 'This is the happiest I've ever been!'
• PLUS Why Justin will be a great dad!
  

The story has already been denied.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A ring for Jen!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Three different stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged upcoming wedding this week, but only In Touch makes it the biggest story on the cover. Here are the headlines.

• Inside the romantic proposal
• A "unique" and "meaningful" ring
• She calls Justin her "soul mate"
• Finally! A long-time friend shares how they fell in love on the set!

Maybe it's just me, but seeing so many quotation marks around words makes it hard to take this story at face value.

Bells Aren't Ringing Alert™: Justin won't marry Jen!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There are three stories about Jennifer Aniston and her upcoming wedding, supposedly late this year in Mexico. Leave it to Star to put a turd in the punch bowl with a cover that says Justin's "pals" say he won't go through with it.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen's wedding in Mexico!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! A lot of gossip stars make multiple appearances on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, with very different versions of their lives being told.

Let's start at the top with Jennifer Aniston. OK! says she's getting ready for a wedding in Mexico and the headline under her picture reads 'Brad won't ruin my big day'.

Her current beau is not named or is there a picture of him, so I run this picture of Jen and Brad from happier times.

Or from the time when he was a sluggard stoner couch potato and she was no help.

It all depends on who you talk to and when.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Angelina targets Jen's new man YET AGAIN.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Say what you will about the National Enquirer. I have probably said something worse. If they have a saving grace, it's that their stories are usually not just re-hashes of stuff that's already been printed elsewhere. Even when they cover the same material, they usually put a meaner spin on it. This week, they have Angelina Jolie trying to get between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. Here are the headlines.

• Angie wants Jen's new man!
• Explosive fight after Angelina invites Justin to dinner & offers him movie role
• Jen rages: "Keep your hands off of him!"
  

This story is ten weeks old, first reported by In Touch. Not the Enquirer's best work by a long shot.

Annoying label bookkeeping for Jen and Brad and Angelina and Justin story of 3 Oct.

Link to the story above.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert: Angie plans to ruin Jen's wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2001

OK!, the most positive scandal rag if not the most reliable, doubles down on the cover story with two unsubstantiated rumors, the marriage plans of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, allegedly planning to wed in December, AND the wedding plans of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Of course, their take in the situation is that the witch Angelina is planning on getting married just to ruin Jennifer's wedding.

Best and worst dressed for 2011

Publication: People
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Here's a simple distinction between People, the nice and reliable gossip rag, and the National Enquirer, the mean and unreliable gossip rag. When People has a "best and worst" article, they put nice pictures on the cover. This time it's Kate Middleton, Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow, all looking elegant in nice dresses. The Enquirer usually goes with best and worst beach bodies, where everybody either looks like a beached whale or a skeleton.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen and Justin moving in.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, In Touch

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



People, the most reliable of the gossip rags, tells us Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are moving in together and Us Weekly concurs. In Touch and OK! (see story below) extend the story quite a bit. Here are the headlines.

• People: Jen & Justin moving in!
• Us Weekly: Inside Jen's new home
  
  
• In Touch: Inside Jen's beach wedding
  
  The dress, the vows, the surprise celebrity guest!
  
  And why Jen is calling marriage this time around "so much sweeter"
  
  Only in In Touch
  
  The new home where they'll raise the babies!

Best wishes to the happy couple.

OK! features Kim'n'Kris AND Jen and Justin on the cover in a compare and contrast.

Publication: OK!

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, combines two popular stories this week into a compare and contrast, with the real connection being that both Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston are moving into new homes. Here are the headlines.

• New homes for new babies!
  
  
• Who's homesick
• Who wants a bigger closet
• Who will have the best nursery

Of course, neither woman has yet confirmed a pregnancy, but that never stops OK!

Bun in the oven alert™: More stories about Jennifer Aniston's ovaries.

Publications: Us Weekly, Star, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! No set of unused ovaries have been the focus of more speculation than those of Jennifer Aniston over the past few years, and this week we get three more stories saying she is definitely pregnant. Looking online, I have not seen the denials of this particular round of rumors, but she did deny the rumors from earlier this month. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jen's Baby Countdown
  
  she suddenly quit smoking and drinking
  
  Decorating a new home with Justin
  
  And now, weight gain and morning sickness
• Weekly Life & Style: Fertility doctor gives Jen the good news
  
  It's Twins!
  
  Her bump gets bigger
  
  World exclusive
• Star: First look!
  
  Jen's baby nursery

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen and Eva plan their weddings

Publication: OK!, Us Weekly

Date: 29 August 2011



The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are not being as obsessive about Kim Kardashian's wedding this weekend as they were about the Wills'N'Kate's big to-do, but there are a passel of stories about wedding that have just recently happened or are about to happen or are at least being rumored.



OK! says Jennifer Aniston is planning to get married and Us Weekly says Jen and Justin (Theroux) are talking marriage. Her reps say this is just a rumor.

OK! says Eva Longoria is planning to get married. Her reps say this is just a rumor.



As I have written before, OK! is the nicest of the gossip rags, but not the most reliable.

Justin's ex warns Jen!

Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Here's a fun fact. It's the obscure British playwright William Congreve (1670-1729) who wrote the line "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." This week's example of this well observed adage comes from Justin Theroux's ex. Here are the headlines.

• Hooked on Mr. Wrong
• His criminal past
• How he cruelly mocked Jen
• His ex: "He lied to my face!"
• "He'll never be faithful"