Bells Done Rung Alert™, albeit very quietly: Jen and Justin elope.

(photo by Terry Richardson)

Publication: Star
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star promises an "Exclusive breaking news!" story that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have eloped. Here are the headlines.

• Jen & Justin married!
• They elope! No friends or family
• No prenup - she trusts him!
• Plus: she reconciles with mom, thanks to Justin
• All the details
  

The couple have denied this story already, but it's obvious they actually are seeing one another, so I nicked another picture of them, taken by a professional photographer where they actually look happy together.

Mending fences alert: William asks queen not to skip over his dad.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been the source for the stories about the order of succession to the British crown, with a bunch of headlines saying old Liz Windsor is going to pass over her first born son and give the crown to the cute kid. In history, skipping in line for the crown without murder or madness or other unpleasantness is really rare.

In any case, the low rent Examiner says Wills is a nice kid and went to bat for his dad, telling his gran that being skipped over would kill him. The take of the low rent Examiner on this is that evil Camilla wins.

Prince Charles apologizes to Obama for wedding snub.

Publication: Globe
Date: 23 May 2011

Prince Charles visited the White House last week, that much is true. The Globe says he apologized to Barack Hussein Obama for the snub of not being invited to the big wedding.

Mending fences alert:Tatum consoles Ryan O'Neal after Farrah's death

Publication: Globe

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

Ryan and Tatum O'Neal have long been estranged, mostly because he's a scumbag, but they are reconciling now as Tatum tries to console her father after Farrah Fawcett's death.

Family trouble can get crazy. I wish them all the best.

Mending fences alert: Angelina Jolie and creepy dad Jon Voight

Publications: Star, Us Weekly
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

The whole Jolie-Pitt brood was in Italy this week, and two different publications say Angelina Jolie was seen with her father, creepy arch-conservative Jon Voight. The two have been estranged, but they appear to have mended fences. I think this may have to do with Angelina trying to become a secular saint.

Both Star and Us Weekly have pictures, but Us claims to having an exclusive interview. This picture is from 2001. She looks about the same, he looks a lot creepier now.