Bun In The Oven Alert™: More stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged pregnancy.

Publications: OK!, In Touch

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Some people will point out that sometimes the gossip rags print rumors that are denied but turn out to be true.  This blog exists to point out they get stuff right sometimes and they get stuff wrong as well, with the wrong guesses outnumbering the correct stories by a significant margin.  While the supermarket mags were all over Jessica Simpson's obvious baby bump, they also can't help themselves trying to get America's favorite spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant, though the actress has denied the rumors.  Here are this week's headlines.

• OK!: Jen pregnant: medical center drama
• In Touch:  Exclusive pictures of Jen's nursery!

She has denied these stories and unlike Jessica Simpson, Jen's denials sound convincing for two reasons.  Jen doesn't look particularly heavy in recent pictures and Jen isn't a dim bulb.

Bun in the oven alert™: Jen's baby bump.

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, is trying to get America's Spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant. This week's headline reads:

Jen: her baby bump gets bigger

The story has already been denied.

Bun in the oven alert™?: Jen trying to get pregnant.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 August 2011

In Touch at least has a possibly true headline, saying Jennifer Aniston is trying to get pregnant instead of saying she is pregnant for sure.

Then again, if she's going for pregnancy this fast, is it any wonder she's a spinster?

Love Bird Alert™: Jen's falling for Bradley Cooper!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 9 May 2011

Jennifer Aniston and her stunningly bad luck with men is one of the stories the supermarket rags will never abandon. This week, In Touch has her head over heels for Bradley Cooper. Here are the headlines.

• Jen falls for Bradley: Yes, she's in love!
• From steamy texts to talks of their "future together", why friends fear Jen's moving too fast… again!

Both commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive and I have our somewhat exotic theories as to what has made Jen's love life a shambles, but maybe that second sentence explains the situation more simply.

She's really, really clingy and nobody likes that.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Bradley disses Jen... again

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two stories about Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston this week, but since they pull in completely opposite directions, I'm giving them separate posts.

If we are to believe Us Weekly, the 36 year old successful actor wants noting to do with the 42 year old spinster, regardless of how hot she looks in a bikini or how much her house is worth.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:How Courteney stole Jen's man!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 25 April 2011

Yet again, Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of a supermarket rag and, yet again, the story involves her love life.

Did you guess that it ends badly? Yes, I'm sure you did if you have been paying even the tiniest amount of attention. This appears to be a re-hash about the guy Courteney introduced to Jen then stole for herself.

If Kim Kardashian actually does get married, Jen will be all alone in the race for America's Spinster.

But that would be fitting, wouldn't it? Spinsters are supposed to be all alone.

On the rocks alert: Kim K. betrayed before the wedding!

Publication: OK!

Date: 11 April 2011



Welcome back to the Kim Kardashian story! Those of you paying close attention know that her only alleged boyfriend of the year so far is basketball player Kris Humphries. OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, had them moving in together, then planning the Wedding of the Century, both stories last month. No other magazines have gone nearly this far with the story.



So while OK! appears to be alone in inventing this fantasy, it also looks like they've decided to add some drama to it. The Wedding of the Century is off before anyone official ever said it was on! Here are the headlines.

• Kim's worst nightmare
• Kris' ex warns 'He won't go through with it'
• Kris picked out Kim's engagement ring, but she's shattered by a secret that could ruin everything

Will pretty little Kim ever find true happiness? Or is she destined to wander the world alone, that saddest of humankind, the fabulously wealthy and unbelievably hot spinster.



Stay tuned. The only thing I know for certain is... this story isn't over yet.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen wants Bradley back.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 11 April 2011

Just because America's favorite spinster Jennifer Aniston isn't actually seeing anyone and her most recent movie is now two months old and playing in just a handful of theaters is no reason she shouldn't be on the cover of a supermarket rag. In Touch tells us that she is pining for the charms of Bradley Cooper, the guy who just dumped Renee Zellweger.

While there is evidence the couple has met, including this telephoto lens shot form 2009, Cooper denied at the time that they were seeing each other.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen moving for a man.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 21 March 2011

Three different stories about Jennifer Aniston this week with next to nothing in common except the spelling of her name. OK! says she's going to have or get a baby, Star speculates that she's had work don on her face and In Touch goes with the tried and true story of her increasingly desperate love life. If we are to believe In Touch, she's moving from her palatial estate to be with some guy, because what self-respecting male would want to live in a place that is so... girly?!

The other obvious undercurrent is her continuing spinsterhood, which keeps her a favorite target of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

Rich people are rich: Inside Jen's $15 million home.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 28 February 2011

Weekly Life & Style offers a tour of Jennifer Aniston's palatial home. Obviously this is a positive story about an actress in a movie currently in the theaters, so it deserves the "planted crap" label.

But the other three stories on the cover of WL&S this week are about younger female celebrities getting ready to be married or happily pregnant.

So this story also gets the "spinster alert" label. In this gossip era, there are others who get the spinster label, but Jennifer Aniston is the subject of at least half these types of stories.

Jen:I swear I'm happy.Really!

Publication: People
Date: 21 February 2011

People magazine devotes most of the cover this week promoting an exclusive interview with Jennifer Aniston. The subheadline reads:

• Over cocktails and girl talk, the world's most misunderstood star sets the record straight.
• "I'm happy. Really!"

It's the addition of that last "really" that totally convinces me.

To recap, she drinks but she's not a drunk. She talks about her exes, but she not obsessed about it. And it is TOTES unfair to portray her as a lonely spinster just because she's about to turn 42 years old childless and alone.

Got that?

Spinster Alert:Kim at 30: "I thought I'd be married by now."

Publication: People
Date: 22 November 2010

Kim Kardashian is clearly one of the favorite topics for the gossip rags, but she makes very few appearances in People, a magazine that doesn't do a lot of unsourced stories. This week she is on the cover of The Gold Standard, and she is quoted as saying she expected she would be married by now.

Like Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston, the gossip rags love her because she doesn't have a man, despite fame and fortune and beauty.

Spinster Alert:Kim Kardashian's 30th birthday parties

Publications: People, In Touch
Date: 1 November 2010

So Kim Kardashian had multiple birthday parties, a strange ritual for someone who dreads getting older. Here are the headlines from the two supermarket rags that covered the get-togethers.

People: Kim's 30... Inside her B-Day parties
In Touch: Kim ditched at birthday party

Spinster Alert:Kim Kardashian dateless on her 30th birthday

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 25 October 2010

Only two Kardashian stories on the covers of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, both of them about Kim. Weekly Life & Style says Kim was dateless on her thirtieth birthday. Only problem with the story is according to Wikipedia, her 30th birthday is next week, so she still has time to get some to ask her out.

Given her age and recent spell of bad luck in love, this means she gets a Spinster Alert, her second of the year. The Queen of Spinsters is still Jennifer Aniston, of course.

Jen's secret lovers

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 11 October 2010

Ooh, now Jen has secret lovers. Maybe Us Weekly doesn't want to link Jennifer Aniston romantically on the cover with anyone because ever story is denied as soon as it is printed.

Pretty soon, she's gonna be playing the lead in productions of Tennessee Williams' plays.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Jen hates?Oh, you'll never guess.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 30 September 2010

Jennifer Aniston has three cover stories in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, each one of them with a different celebrity added in for extra spice. The first of these stories is almost like a World's Finest comic book, where DC used to team up their two biggest stars, Superman and Batman.

Of course, this is the supermarket rags, not the comic books, so who could Jennifer Aniston feud with that would be as big a star as she is?

Sandra Bullock, of course! The Flagship quotes Jen as saying "I Hate Sandra". Why would these two plucky stars of romantic comedies who have never worked together have any bad blood? According to the Enquirer, Jen hates Sandy because she is successful and has a baby.

The subtext here has something to do with a word that starts with "s" and ends with "pinster". I'll let you figure out which of these women qualifies.

Kim's search for love

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 20 September 2010

Kim Kardashian's engagement to Reggie Bush was declared over in the tabloids back in the spring. Fall will soon be with us, and Kim does not have a new man! While Kim has just turned 30, more than ten years younger than the queen of celebrity spinsters Jennifer Aniston, this is the way spinsterhood starts, so Us Weekly is keeping us informed.

Since no specific new boyfriend is mentioned on the cover, this gives me an excuse to post a picture of Kim without any distracting male getting in the way of important site lines.

Which is good. 'Cause she's purdy.

Two dates in one week for Jennifer Aniston!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 20 September 2010

After getting a week with no Jennifer Aniston stories, the tabloids are back and acting like old biddies gossiping at the kitchen table.

"Oh, Madge! Did you hear about the Aniston's girl, that nice Jen?"

"No, Blanche, what is new with her?"

"She had two dates. Two dates in a single week!"

"What, with two different guys?"

"Well, I didn't actually read the story, so I'm not sure. What I am sure of is her family would be so happy if she just had one date, and that was a wedding date."

"Truer words were never spoken, Blanche."

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Jen and BFF fighting over a man

Publication: In Touch
Date: 20 September 2010

We had a week in the tabloids that was Jennifer Aniston free, but this week they are back clucking like old biddies hanging out the laundry and in a tizzy over America's Favorite Spinster.

"Madge, did you hear about that nice Jennifer Aniston?"

"No, Blanche, tell me!"

"She and her best friend had a big fight over some man!"

"Which friend? What did they fight about?"

"Oh, I didn't read the actual story. I just wish she meet the right fella, settle down and have some babies. She not getting any younger, you know."

"Truer words were never spoken, Blanche."

Love Bird Alert™:Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer back together

Publication: Star
Date: 30 August 2010

Jennifer Aniston has three supermarket rag headlines this week. This may seem like a lot, but she's been averaging that many for at least a month now.

As usual, somebody has to speculate about who is dating Hollywood's Hottest Spinster. Star tells us she is back with mouthy man slut John Mayer, seen here in a picture from early 2009 when he escorted her to the Oscars. If this is true, she is much more forgiving than I would have given her credit for. When a guy like Mayer kisses and tells and calls a different girlfriend "sexual napalm", you'd have to guess he's just not that into Jen.