No Love Bird Alert™: Sandra Bullock rebuffs John Mayer

Publication: In Touch
Date: 28 February 2011

Though I read the covers of the gossip rags every week, it's still some mystery how celebrities meet other than working together on projects. Allegedly, mouthy man slut John Mayer is of the opinion his reputation needs mending (all too true) and he decided dating Sandra Bullock would do the trick, but she nixed the possible hookup before it happened.

Both sides deny the story, but of course it's designed for plausible deniability from the very start, isn't it?

Love Bird Alert™:John Mayer and Giada De Laurentiis in a sizzling hook-up

Publication: Star
Date: 22 November 2010

Once again, mouthy man slut John Mayer is linked romantically, or usually in his case sexually, with yet another attractive woman, this time cooking star Giada De Laurentiis. This time, both parties issued denials of the story within a few hours of the story hitting the stands.

While Mayer has been linked with a lot of different women in the gossip rags over the past few years, all of them have been single. Giada is married, which is not Mayer's m.o. at all. Reading the summary of the story at the Star's website, someone saw them together at some big gathering and jumped to the conclusion they were a couple.

Love Bird Alert™:Kim Kardashian and John Mayer

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 8 November 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kim Kardashian is apparently having auditions for the position of boyfriend, out on the town and kicking the tires, so to speak. Several gossip sources in print and on the Internets say she was seen with mouthy man slut John Mayer. This would be easier to believe if there was actually a picture of them together in the same frame, but if that picture exists, nobody has told Google yet.

Taylor Swift dishes in People.

Publication: People
Date: 1 November 2010

Back in the spring, there were a few stories talking about Taylor Swift's love life, but since then the supermarket rags have left her alone. In an interview in People, the young country music star talks about ex-boyfriends Joe Jonas, hunky werewolf Taylor Lautner and mouthy man slut John Mayer. Stories earlier linked her to Cory Monteith from Glee, but he isn't mentioned on the cover, probably because she was photographed with him but they never actually dated. Commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive has a special talent called gay-dar and she says the bells go off when she looks at pictures of young Mr. Monteith.

Love Bird Alert™:Jen's back with John Mayer

Publication: OK!
Date: 4 October 2010

OK! magazine wants Jennifer Aniston to find true love more than Polly wants a cracker. The story this week is that Jen is back with mouthy man slut John Mayer, he of the very large head. This story started in the Star last month, was picked up by In Touch last week and now shows up in OK! The new details are:

• Her friends hate him
• They are ready to start a family
• They spent a romantic night together at the Ritz

The only problem with this story is that both John's and Jen's publicists deny it completely. It should be noted that the big current cheating scandal, the one with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, follows a similar pattern of publication. It was started in the Star and other supermarket rags picked it up.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Jen has a catfight over John Mayer with...? This one is hard to guess, too.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 27 September 2010

There were a couple of stories in the Star last month that Jennifer Aniston was back together with famously mouthy man slut John Mayer, he with the enormously large head. Now, In Touch jumps on the bandwagon, saying they are a couple, but Jennifer now has to fight with another celebrity to win John's love.

Any guesses?

If you said "Lindsay Lohan, famous drunk, infamous jailbird and alleged Comfy Shoe wearer", give yourself a special prize, but please do not charge it to my tab.

Like I said, Jen is getting teamed up with some odd co-stars this week.

Love Bird Alert™:Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, this time it's forever.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 6 September 2010

As little as I trust the supermarket rags, I'm even more suspicious when one story is repeated in a single rag and ignored in all the rest. This is the second time in two weeks we have had a story about Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer rekindling their relationship from last year, and both stories are in the Star.

If these stories continue, I may have to find a second picture of the couple.

Love Bird Alert™:Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer back together

Publication: Star
Date: 30 August 2010

Jennifer Aniston has three supermarket rag headlines this week. This may seem like a lot, but she's been averaging that many for at least a month now.

As usual, somebody has to speculate about who is dating Hollywood's Hottest Spinster. Star tells us she is back with mouthy man slut John Mayer, seen here in a picture from early 2009 when he escorted her to the Oscars. If this is true, she is much more forgiving than I would have given her credit for. When a guy like Mayer kisses and tells and calls a different girlfriend "sexual napalm", you'd have to guess he's just not that into Jen.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Jessica Simpson sick of mouthy man slut John Mayer

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 1 Mar. 2010

Earlier this week, Both Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson were pissed off at mouthy man slut John Mayer, but today we focus on the magazines that could only get vaguely sourced quotes from Jessica.

Obviously, Ms. Simpson has missed the point that in man slut-ese, being compared to napalm and crack cocaine are compliments. Jeez, Jess, lighten up, will ya? You had to have some idea who this guy was when you had sex with him.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Jess and Jen both sick of mouthy man slut John Meyer

Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 1 Mar. 2010

If you've read any of the interview quotes from John Mayer this week, you have to assume he was lit like a Christmas tree when he was talking, because he said about six or seven things that could easily be in the running for Douchebag Quote of the Decade. Both Star magazine and Weekly Life & Style say that his most famous former girlfriends, Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson, both want bloody revenge, probably involving some sort of automated gelding device.

Later this week, two more stories like this, but only one righteously indignant ex-girl friend.

Desparate Man Slut Alert: John Mayer keeps calling Jen

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

It's Tuesday afternoon, the Moody Blues time of the week, but this week it belongs to Jennifer Aniston. Weekly Life & Style would like us to believe that John Mayer is pining away for the one who got away. Recall also that L&S is also now on the "everything's fine with BrAngelina" bandwagon, and their other headline this week was about Carrie Underwood wedding dress, so this is their dose of celebrity unhappiness designed to make those of us who go to supermarkets feel better about our drab, wretched lives.

Love Bird Alert™: Taylor Swift and John Mayer

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

A new label is being trotted out, the man slut. As far as I can tell, there are two major man sluts in show business today, rocker John Mayer and actor Gerard Butler. These guys will be romantically involved in the tabloids with any woman on the low side of menopause. This week, it's Taylor Swift's turn to be connected to Mayer, who has previously been connected with Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston.