Ellen wants to be Oprah.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

The low rent Examiner says they have all the details about how Ellen DeGeneres wants to be Oprah Winfrey.

I see three challenges in this understandable life's wish.

1. There's the whole skin tone/ethnicity thing.
2. You, Ellen, actually have a skill as a comedian, while Oprah's skill is more difficult to define.
3. You, Ellen, are gay, while Oprah is...

Okay, maybe I only see two challenges.

Meanest Story nominee: Hollywood weight battles!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 12 Dec. 2011 

The Enquirer has a grab bag story of female celebrities struggling with their weight. Here are the headlines.

    Oprah 280 lbs.
    Boozing and Binge Eating
    Talk queen ordered "Diet or Die!"

    Demi Moore 90 lbs.
    Dramatic intervention to get her to eat

    Ricki Lake 140 libs.
    Too fat for wedding dress
    Desperate to lose 20 lbs.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Oprah begs Gayle.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

The Enquirer continues their crusade to make Oprah Winfrey miserable by telling stories about her love life.  This week, Gayle is allegedly leaving and Oprah begs "Please don't leave me!"

Bells Done Rung™: Oprah's marriage shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

The Enquirer has some fresh trash about Oprah, an alleged marriage some 30 years ago.  Here are the headlines.

• Secret husband she has been hiding for 30 years
• picture revealed inside
• Exclusive: Husband speaks to Enquirer
  

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™ and On the Rocks Alert: Oprah incensed as Gayle steals Stedman!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

The Oprah/Gayle/Stedman triangle has been an unstable situation for some time now according to the gossip rags, but how about a curveball to throw it completely out of whack? Yes, Stedman is seeing Gayle according to the low rent Examiner. They call this "breaking news", the latest fad in these slow moving publishing dinosaurs, and of course, Oprah is furious.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Oprah tricked out of millions by Gayle!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! If it's a nasty story about Oprah Winfrey, you can bet it will be in one of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, this time in The Flagship, the National Enquirer. If we are to believe them, always a risky proposition, things aren't going well with The Big O and her galpal Gayle King. Here are the headlines.

• Oprah tricked out of millions by Gayle
• Oprah blasts: "You used me!"
• plus: Shocking new lawsuit claims Gayle's a con artist
  

Meanest story nominee: Oprah and Stedman's fight turns physical!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 August 2011



Oprah is still one of the favorite punching bags for the dogs from the AMI kennel, and while they write something positive about her once in a blue moon. Stedman Graham is only trotted out for negative stories. This time it's his brother, whose name is not given on the cover. The cops were called to his house, says a pal.



Pals like this you don't need, but then again, if you are reading this, chances are the tabloids don't much care about the drama in your life.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Stedman betrays Oprah!

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Now that her TV show is ending, it's up in the air how much the gossip rags will care about Oprah Winfrey. Still, with this story she climbs back into the list of the Top Ten celebrities in the gossip rags, with almost all the stories in the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. Here are this week's headlines.

• As her empire collapses Oprah betrayed!
• Her fury as Stedman spends afternoon with hot blonde!

"Hot blonde" is pictured but not named, and she does look good.

I see another camping trip in Oprah and Gayle's future.

Meanest story nominee: Oprah's heart attack drama.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Oprah Winfrey is just a story or two away from breaking into the top ten for most cover appearances, almost all of them on the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Flagship taking pot shots at her, saying she now weighs 271 pounds and she underwent a secret four hour surgery to save her life.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Soap fans attack Oprah!

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

The Globe promises to tell why soap opera fans are furious with the Queen of Daytime TV. It probably has something to do with changing demographics and the relative costs of production of talk shows vs. daytime dramas.

Non scoop of the week! O.J. Simpson confesses the murders to Oprah!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Enquirer says a "pal" of O.J.'s has reported that O.J. confessed to the murders from seventeen years ago when he talked recently to Oprah Winfrey.

It's complete horseshit. Oprah denies it up and down.

When you think that those murders happened seventeen years ago, do you feel a little old? Yeah, me too.

On the rocks alert: Oprah love triangle explodes!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 30 May 2011

This Saturday, it's all about royalty here at It's News 2 Them™, which means stories about the Queen of TV Oprah Winfrey and those people over in England, whose names slip my mind for the moment.

Oprah and Stedman and Gayle. The eternal triangle. Or is it eternal? According to the Enquirer, Gayle is none too happy about Stedman moving back into the mansion and has laid down the standard "It's him or me!" ultimatum.

Heavy lies the head that wears the crown.

On the rocks alert: Oprah throws a fit over Stedman's new gal pal.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 9 May 2011

Welcome back to gossip hell 2011, Stedman Graham! While there have been a steady stream of stories about Oprah this year, this is the first mentioning The Boyfriend, or is he the Ex-Boyfriend? According to the low rent Examiner, Stedman is seeing somebody else, and Miss Winfrey is none too pleased.

Meanest Story nominee: Oprah's mom tells all!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 April 2011

Do you want to know bad things about Oprah Winfrey? The editors of the magazines owned by AMI think you do. If there is trash about Oprah in the tabloids, it will be in the Star or the Globe or the low rent Examiner or even more likely, in the Flagship publication of AMI, the National Enquirer.

This week, it's the Flagship telling us that Oprah's mom is in the mood to spill the beans, and we mean a WHOLE LOTTA BEANS. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Hush money fails
  
• Confession of love affair with Gayle
  
• Bald Oprah lost all her hair
  
• Her deadly drugs to lose weight
  
• What really happened to Oprah's son and where he is today
  

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Gayle King's other lesbian lovers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 March 2011

Since the beginning of 2010, this is the 40th post about Oprah Winfrey, almost all of them from headlines on the covers of the AMI kennel of tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe, Star, Sun and the low rent Examiner. This week, we are back to the lesbian angle, which we've seen before, but this time with a new twist.

Gayle King is just a tramp.

Yes, Oprah's favorite girl is sneaking around behind her back with multiple other women, if we are to believe the Enquirer.

If you want the advice of someone who's been keeping track, believing the Enquirer is not your best bet.

On the rocks alert: Oprah trashed by secret lover!

Publication: Star
Date: 7 March 2011

Oprah Winfrey gets two completely different stories this week and breaks into the top ten most popular celebrities list, both over all and 2011. The Star says she was trashed by a secret lover and shows the picture of some unidentified guy.

This differs radically from the other story of her wayward love life this week.

She Fought The Law Alert™:More on Oprah's secret sister.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 14 February 2011

You might think Oprah Winfrey finding out about her half-sister would be a positive story. If so, you have no future writing for the National Enquirer. They went digging into the woman's past and found she had been committed to a mental hospital, had problems with drugs and arrests for violence.

While this is most embarrassing to the woman herself, the goal of the Enquirer is to make Oprah's life miserable, just because they feel like it.

Oprah's mom collapses!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 February 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

How many moments of happiness does Oprah Winfrey deserve? If you ask that question to editors from the National Enquirer, they would consider zero to be a fair number. Oprah made a fuss about a big secret from her life being revealed on her show on Monday a week ago, when she introduced a sister she hadn't known about. According to the Flagship, Oprah's mom collapsed just after the show was filmed.

Stay classy, Enquirer!

Meanest Story nominee:Double dose of fat Oprah (and Gayle)!

Publications: Globe, National Examiner
Date: 31 January 2011

I have speculated many times that the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner, are not really competitors for stories, but instead collude as to not step on each others' headlines. This week we have evidence against my theory, as both the Globe and the low rent Examiner go after Oprah Winfrey yet again, this time for being fat.

Yet again.

The Globe just attacks the Queen. "Oprah's 30 lb. mac and cheese binge!" Note the irony that the woman who could buy Australia is getting fat on the preferred food of broke ass college students everywhere.

The low rent Examiner surprisingly digs deeper. "Oprah/Gayle pack on 100 lbs. binge eating over failing new network!" They have a very unflattering picture allegedly of Gayle, usually the much trimmer of the two.

And so we get the first pair of stories to share a Meanest Story nominee.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Oprah-Palin feud explodes!

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 January 2011

You may have heard that Oprah was asked about a possible presidential bid by Sarah Palin, and the Queen of Everything said it did not scare her because she "trusted the intelligence of the American people."

Oh, no she din't go there!

Well, now it's on like Donkey Kong!

Not only will there be blood. There will be tweets and Facebook posts. I don't know how Oprah will be able to stand the barrage.