Meanest Story nominee: Hollywood weight battles!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 12 Dec. 2011 

The Enquirer has a grab bag story of female celebrities struggling with their weight. Here are the headlines.

    Oprah 280 lbs.
    Boozing and Binge Eating
    Talk queen ordered "Diet or Die!"

    Demi Moore 90 lbs.
    Dramatic intervention to get her to eat

    Ricki Lake 140 libs.
    Too fat for wedding dress
    Desperate to lose 20 lbs.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the Demi-Ashton divorce.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style, OK!, In Touch, Star

Date: 5 Dec. 2011

Six cover stories about the Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher divorce announcement this week.  The only magazine that might have put it on the cover and didn't was the Enquirer. The Globe and the low rent Examiner aren't interested in people this young, except for British royalty.

Here are the headlines.

• People:  Demi & Ashton split
  Inside the final days
  $290 million divorce
  The real story
  Their "intense" fights
  A desperate last-ditch trip to save the marriage
  how age, cheating and insecurity domed them
• OK!: Ashton & Demi divorce
  Why she finally left
• Weekly Life & Style: Why Demi finally left Ashton
• Star: Demi divorce bombshell
  Ashton's new lies
• In Touch: The final insult
  What Demi found!
• Us Weekly: How Demi got the courage to dump Ashton

This week's Demi and Ashton headlines.

 Publications: National Enquirer, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

More stories this week about Demi and Ashton than there are about Kim Kardashian.  Could the supermarket rags be getting over her at last?  It's early, but I think it's also possible.  Here are the Ashton-Demi headlines, printed mere hours before the divorce proceedings were made public.

• National Enquirer:  Demi's face is melting!
  Ashton's cheating is taking a toll
  (now and 6 months ago)
• Star: Exclusive details
      Demi: How 'Open Marriage' destroyed her
• Weekly Life & Style: January's baby: Is Ashton the dad?
• Us Weekly: Ashton & Demi's vacation to save their marriage

A lot of magazines have been predicting the divorce for a while, so I'm not handing out a scoop for this one, but if the rumor about January Jones' baby is true, that could very well have been the last straw.

Breaking news: Demi Moore divorcing Ashton Kutcher.

Publication: Huffington Post

Date: 17 Nov. 2011

After months of speculation, Demi Moore makes it official that she is divorcing Ashton Kutcher's cheating ass. I'll be posting the headlines about the couple from the supermarket rags later this evening.

On the rocks alert: Demi cheating with Ashton's friend!

Publication: In Touch

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

Welcome to gossip hell, Ben Hollingsworth!  The young actor is allegedly Demi Moore's latest conquest, though he has already denied the story.  Here are the headlines.

•  Demi cheating with Ashton's friend!
• Now it's war
• Exclusive: Inside her tryst with 27-year-old actor Ben Hollingsworth - wild sex in his car and how she's rubbing it in Ashton's face

Not Long 4 This World and Meanest Story nominee: Demi Moore's weight plunges to a life threatening level.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Most weeks, it's the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and low rent Examiner fighting it out for Meanest Story of the Week, but this week three of the allegedly more reputable gossip rags put Demi Moore on the tabloid vulture list, saying her life style could kill her.  These are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Starving to keep her man
  Demi's daughters fear for her life
  95 lbs. and dropping
  500 calories a day
  Taking dangerous diet hormones
  What is she thinking?
• OK!: Starving for attention
  What's behind (Demi's) dangerous weight loss
• In Touch: Demi's deadly diet

These are co-nominees for Meanest Story of the Week.

The latest Ashton and Demi drama. With a little extra Bruce Willis goodness thrown in.

Publications: National Examiner, National Enquirer, OK!, In Touch
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! And a special welcome to gossip hell to Bruce Willis, his first mention on the cover of a supermarket rag this decade. Here are the headlines.

• National Examiner: Demi wants Bruce back
• National Enquirer: Tortured by Ashton's secret double life…
  Demi suicide shocker!
  Inside: details of her visit to this church for help
  humiliation pushes her to brink
  Bruce rushes to Demi's side
• OK!: Ashton's cheating: What Demi's kids think
• In Touch: Demi kicks Ashton out!

The big surprise in this one besides the suicide warning is the low rent Examiner getting in on this story. Their audience skews older than most, and it might be the addition of 80s TV star Willis that makes this story of any interest to them at all.

On the rocks alert and Damn You Skinny Alert™: All the Demi and Ashton drama this week

Publications: People, In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Last week there were six stories about Ashton and Demi. This week only three. Still, it's one of the most covered stories in the rags this time around. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi & Ashton
  Working on their marriage
• In Touch: Alcohol abuse and anorexia fears
  Demi's rehab nightmare
  Pressure to keep her younger man sends Demi in a tailspin. Inside her private struggle
  Plus: Ashton's mistress speaks

And a third story all about blabbermouth Sara Leal.

• Us Weekly: The other woman speaks
  My affair with Ashton
  How Kutcher seduced 22-year-old Sara Leal.
  Shocking new details of their X-rated night together

Clearly, this story is not going away for a while.

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the troubles of Demi and Ashton.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star, People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 October 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The trouble in the marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is easily the Story of the Week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with six covers out of ten. (In actuality, it's six of seven. Ashton and Demi are too young to be of interest to the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and the Sun would only be interested in their marital woes if Nostradamus had predicted them.) Usually when there are this many stories, they point all over the place, but with one exception, these pretty much point in the direction of Ashton's penis. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi's heartbreak
  Her troubled marriage
• National Enquirer: Demi's revenge - She'll destroy cheating Ashton
• Weekly Life & Style: Demi's kids take Ashton's side
• In Touch: Demi's nightmare: Ashton's love child shocker!
  Exclusive: Mistress tells all!
  Unsafe sex in his car and house
  Dumped her after she found out the baby news
  Humiliated Demi can't eat - drops to 95 lbs.!
• Us Weekly: On their anniversary caught cheating
  Ashton hooks up with two girls at an all-night hot tub party. As they enter counseling, can Demi forgive him?
  22-year-old Sara Leal
• Star: Demi & Ashton: The photos that ended their marriage!
  Demi breaks down after Ashton hooks up with 23-year-old on their wedding anniversary
  Ashton's caught cheating on camera
  17 world exclusive photos
  Ashton surrounded by blondes in his hotel room
  Ashton's lover keeps on partying
  
  And for good measure, here's the picture of Sara Leal, the pretty young girl with the big mouth, both literally and figuratively, who is being cast in the role of homewrecker.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Another story about Hollywood women who weigh too little.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Yet another grab bag story about women in show business obsessing about their weight and getting too skinny in the process. Here are the headlines.

• Sandra's heartbroken again - over Ryan Reynolds' new romance.
  
• Lonely and insecure, she drops to her lowest weight ever
  
• (skin and bones)
  

• Demi: Starving herself after cheating scandal

• Kendra: What I did to get thin

• Julie Bowen: Pressure to look perfect

And this is the opportunity to write: Welcome to gossip hell, Julie Bowen!

Meanest story nominee: Demi & Ashton's $290 million divroce!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 October 2011

It was thirteen months ago when Star broke the story about Ashton Kutcher cheating. For a few weeks, several of the supermarket rags piled on, but nothing came of it. This week, Star again accuses Kutcher of cheating and uses the majority of the cover to say it's the end of the marriage. Here are the headlines.

• They've been living apart for months
• Ashton's serial cheating exposed
• His secret fling with Britney Spears
• World exclusive: It's over!
• The final showdown

Kutcher has responded on Twitter with a link to the Public Enemy song Don't Believe The Hype.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

UPDATE: One week later, this story is on six covers, so whether a divorce actually comes of it or not, in retrospect this gets a Scoop of the Week label.

On the rocks alert: Marriages explode!

Publication: Star
Date: 19 July 2011

The Star has stories of three celebrity marriages in trouble taking up most of the cover this week. Here are the headlines.


Katy Perry pain: Living apart from Russell After Only 8 months


Shock for Demi Moore: Ashton's Night With Nude Model


Ben Affleck Busted: His Boozing, Lies & Gambling - Jen Garner's Fury

Welcome to gossip hell 2011, Jen Garner! This is the first mention of her in a year and a half, and the first mention of Ben Affleck in 2011.

You So Crazy Alert™ :Hollywood out of control!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 February 2011

The Enquirer loves scatter shot stories. Why pick on one celebrity in detail when you can trash half a dozen? They call it "Hollywood out of control", but it's not all actors. The celebrities on the front cover are:

• Christina Aguilera (who they call a fallen star)
• Amy Winehouse
• Charlie Sheen
• Matt Lauer, who appears to be at a strip club
• David Arquette
• Demi Moore

On the rocks alert:Demi and Ashton divorce bombshell

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 October 2010

I might say this story isn't going away, but signs are that it is going away. In a strange move, this story that was started in Star magazine has now moved over to the Enquirer. It's common for stories that start in the Enquirer to be demoted to Star or the Globe or the low rent Examiner.

I'm guessing that the editorial boards of Star and the Enquirer look at each other as almost equal, though I'm not sure either group likes it much.

Love Bird Alert™:Why Demi's okay with Ashton's cheating scandal

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 October 2010

Last week, three different publications had Ashton and Demi on the cover, but this week only one. Weekly Life & Style says what has been obvious from the start. In public, Ashton and Demi are showing a united front and all the tabloid gossip doesn't seem to be bothering them. Unlike BrAngelina, who don't make a lot of public statements except in very controlled environments, Ashton and Demi are always on Twitter and the like and life is going on as usual.

I don't know if their indifference is going to kill the story or just make the tabloids angrier. Right now, it looks like the scnadal may be canceled because they refuse to be scandalized.

On the Rocks Alert:Three more stories about Ashton and Demi

Publications: People, Star, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 4 October 2010

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore look to be the new couple in trouble the supermarket rags are going to put under the microscope. People has now weighed in, and on the cover, they don't say it's all nonsense.

Star magazine was the first to report, and now they says they have Ashton's texts to the young woman he is cheating with.

Weekly Life & Style says they are hanging by a thread.

People focuses on Demi. They bring up that he is 32 and she is 47, that he has been accused of cheating and she is tweeting pictures of herself in a bikini. The last line of their sub-head is "Can this five-year union stand the strain?

Only one thing is certain. The story isn't over.

Meanest Story nominee:Ashton Kutcher caught cheating

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 13 September 2010

I don't know any celebrities, I just know what I read on the Internet. Everything I read about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher makes me believe they are deeply in love. Last week, the Globe said that Demi had fallen into the arms of another woman and this week, the Star is saying Ashton is cheating. Kutcher, one of the most savvy stars dealing with new media, is all over Twitter and Facebook denying it and Demi has been quoted as saying she believes him.

This blog offers its best wishes to the happy couple and hopes all the bad supermarket press is just the usual nonsense.

Comfy Shoes Alert™:Demi Moore's wild romp with another woman

Publication: Globe
Date: 6 September 2010

You know what we haven't had in ever so long? One of the Three Wicked Step Sisters implying that some woman brings with her the Perils of Lesbianity!

Yes, it looks like Demi Moore has fallen prey to lesbian attack, and may soon be a trouser mouser herself.

Stay alert! This can happen to you or someone you love!

Ugly duckling alert:Demi Moore had no fashion sense as a kid

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 1 Mar. 2010

The tabloid week winds down and this Wednesday has some cold leftovers. Weekly Life & Style asks us to guess what star took this unflattering picture when she was a kid.

You don't have to guess. It's Demi Moore. Glad to be of service.