Nostradamus predicts the 2012 election

Publication: Sun

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Are you among the people who accept any prophecy that has the name Nostradamus linked to it?

It's time you changed your mind.  The Sun puts a bunch of stuff on the front page predicting the 2012 election and one of them I am certain is complete bunk.

 

Welcome to gossip hell, Mitt Romney! Nostradamus says he will run afoul of the IRS.

Not impossible.

Barack Obama will have a health scare.

He's young, but all of us are mortal.  This is possible.

Sarah Palin will run as a Democrat.

Ah, hellz no, as we say in Oakland.  She's not running for office, she's too busy running after cash. People do switch parties, but the party has a say about it, too, and she's obviously a loser now.  She wouldn't switch and the Dems wouldn't take her.

I am so certain of this, I'm going to put the "Nostradamus fail" label on this one right now.  I will come back in November 2012 to check the others.

Meanest story nominee: Sarah Palin destroyed!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

To give the devil his due, let us stipulate that the National Enquirer is an equal opportunity hater. They can pour the hate on people all over the political spectrum, from John Edwards and Al Gore to Rush Limbaugh and now, Sarah Palin. Here are the headlines.

• Sarah Plain destroyed after new book exposes her secrets & lies
• Todd filing for divorce
• She WON'T run in presidential race
  

I have a hard time believing Todd will divorce her, but I think they are right about her not running. She's in this game to make money, not to burn through it in a presidential campaign.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: The Enquirer gets a Sarah Palin laundry list of scandals from the new Joe McGinniss.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Say what you will about the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, they are equal opportunity haters across the political spectrum. They've slagged anyone in the White House since at least Bill Clinton, they've gone after John Edwards and Al Gore, but also Rush Limbaugh and now, Sarah Palin. They took the juiciest stories from the new book to be released by Joe McGinniss and put them on the cover this week. Here are the headlines.

• Sarah cheated on Todd with Glen Rice
• Husband Todd's racial violence
• Her naked nights with young girls
• She abandoned her kids
  

For those without a score card, Glen Rice is an NBA player and Sarah's alleged affair took place before she was married to Todd.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Sarah Palin cocaine scandal!

Publication: Globe

Date: 29 August 2011



The dogs in the AMI kennel seem to hate Sarah Palin, though I guess their "animosity" is largely due to having a bunch of sources coming out of the woodwork to blab about the former half-term governor. This week it's a cocaine scandal. She is supposed to be outraged about a bombshell report, and they show a picture of the place where she was seen snorting.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Inside Sarah Palin's secret nightmare!

Publication: Globe
Date: 15 August 2011

As much as I dislike Sarah Palin and her brood, I feel some sympathy for anyone whose name is dragged through the mud by the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Globe's turn to spread rumors that Sarah and Todd's marriage is at the breaking point and it's up to their unwed, underage and already surgically disfigured daughter/single mom Bristol to fix the damage.

It's clear that American Media, Inc. doesn't want her to be president, so at least we have that in common. I would rather make this happen by telling the awful truth about her and not spreading lies, and that's where AMI and I part company.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Sarah Palin's dark secret.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 July 2011

I'm sure Sarah Palin sees the supermarket rags as just another part of the "lamestream media". While she is not one of the top ten celebrities of 2011 or the past year and a half, she does get a lot of mentions, almost all of them negative stories in the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. For anyone who thinks this is an example of "left wing media bias", Barack and Michelle Obama are in the same situation, with Barack being mentioned much more often than Sarah and Michelle being mentioned somewhat less often.

This week, it's the low rent Examiner saying she has a dark secret, with the sub-headline "What she's hiding from America".

Meanest Story nominee: Sarah Palin love child scandal!

Publication: Globe
Date: 4 July 2011

Once again, an AMI scandal sheet is spreading rumors about Sarah Palin, saying she is involved in a love child scandal.

First off, d'uh! Her grandkid is a love child. Bristol gave birth and didn't get married, remember?

I'm assuming the only way it could be a scandal is if there is another baby on the way, but if that's the case, it's damned unlikely the "love child" will belong to Sarah, even though she is the only one named in the story. I assume they are talking about Todd fathering a kid, but I didn't open the magazine to find out.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Sarah Palin falls for married man!

Publication: Globe
Date: 27 June 2011

Early in the year, the AMI kennel had several stories that said Todd Palin couldn't keep it in his pants. They have said the Palins were getting divorced several times as well. This is the first time they have gone with the story that Sarah may have a roving eye.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Sarah Palin walks out on Todd!

Publication: Globe
Date: 13 June 2011

The Three Wicked Step Sisters hate Sarah Palin so much, you'd think she was a Scientologist. (Must her pallin' around with Greta Van Susterin so much.) In any case, the Globe is reporting that the marriage of Sarah and Todd is through. Here are the headlines.

• Cheating, lies & jealousy
• She moves into $1.7 million mansion in Arizona
• Divorce scandal explodes
  

It should be noted that the low rent Examiner said they were divorcing back in September, long before all the massage therapist rumors started in the Enquirer.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Weekly World News alert: Guess who Barack Hussein Aloha Obama is related to?

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 9 May 2011

The Sun has a prediction this week, but no dates on the cover, so I'm only reporting on what the Weekly World News has to say. According to them, the Only President We've Got is related to...

Sarah Palin, the queen of the I-Quit-arod.

Not an actual laugh, but I did smile.

Meanest Story nominee: Sarah Palin's worst nightmare... Todd's love child!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 April 2011

Last January, the Enquirer went with a story from an Alaskan massage therapist that she slept with Todd Palin. The story failed to gain much traction, but the Enquirer is nothing if not persistent. They now says that Sarah Plain's worst nightmare would be Todd fathering a child out of wedlock.

The headline is kind of vague and they don't promise pictures of the alleged child or mom, so I expect the story is just more Enquirer bullshit. This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Birther Crap for the rest of us: The Weekly World News says Sarah Palin was born in Russia.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 21 March 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! As I have said before, I love the Weekly World News, though they don't reach the heights of hilarity they enjoyed back in the heyday of "Batboy found in cave!" Still, this week they start a silly rumor I would love to see gain traction that former reality TV star Sarah Palin was born in Russia and therefore ineligible to become president of the United States.

I am only sorry that my side of the political spectrum is "the reality based contingent" and not inclined to believe flat-out nonsense in droves.

On the rocks alert: Divorce shockers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 14 March 2011

The Enquirer gives most of their cover space this week to three stories of couples allegedly in marital distress. First off, they say the marriage of reality TV stars Sarah and Todd Palin is in trouble because of a nude photo scandal.

Let me say it: ick.

The Flagship also says that TomKat are going through a bumpy patch.

"Get out!" says somebody to somebody, the Enquirer claims. They also write "Tortured life with Tom erupts".

As regular readers know, TomKat are minor league compared to BrAngelina, but this is the eighteenth appearance for the couple since the beginning of 2010 and the fifth cover story this year, which means they are gaining momentum.

Welcome to gossip hell, James Brolin! Last year, Babs got one mention on a cover for showing off her home to People, but this year the couple gets their first tabloid appearance because of alleged difficulties in their thirteen year marriage. The Enquirer says their story is full of tears, insults and "therapy" secrets.

If the other two stories are true, well, it serves at least one person in each marriage right, but I hope the Enquirer got this one wrong. I hate the thought of Babs making James Brolin cry.

Meanest Story nominee: Feud over Sarah Palin rips Reagan family apart!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 28 February 2010

Sarah Palin clearly wanted to be rich and famous, and now she is.

How's that workin' out for ya, hon?

This week, the low rent Examiner says that there is a big disagreement in the Reagan family over the usefulness of this politician turned celebrity. The names of people involved in the "feud" are not given on the cover, but it's probably Ron Reagan Jr. against Michael, the conservative older Reagan.

In any case, the low rent Examiner says the kerfuffle is breaking Nancy's heart.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee:Massage therapist claims she slept with Todd Palin.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 February 2011

The Flagship continues the story of the wandering eye (and other body parts) of Todd Palin, who they still refer to as "Sarah Palin's husband" on the cover. They also have a picture of the massage therapist (in this case, read "hooker") who makes the claim she got horizontal with The First Dude, and the woman in the picture is not particularly attractive, which makes the story harder to believe. Since last week's story of Todd's faithlessness won Meanest Story of the Week, this one also gets nominated.

For anyone who thinks this proves the National Enquirer's left wing bias, be reminded that they found a massage therapist last year to say bad things about Al Gore, though the police and legitimate news sources found her story less than credible.

You So Crazy Alert™:Sarah Palin breakdown!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 January 2011

Sarah Palin wanted fame and fortune and now she's got it. It may not last, but early this year she is one of the favorite targets of The Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. The Enquirer had a story this week about Todd tomcatting around on her, and now the Globe is reporting she is having a breakdown, saying the tragedy in Tuscon has pushed her over the edge.

Sarah Palin has a lot of qualities that make some people love her and some people hate her. She speaks to her base very effectively, she's physically attractive, her story resonates with regular folks trying to get by. She also is very confrontational and nothing is ever, ever her fault. But I think the thing that has made her go through the roof and even catch the attention of the tabloids is the instant celebrity part of her story. In some ways, she's like Susan Boyle or Joe The Plumber or the homeless announcer guy Ted Williams, but unlike them, the press cannot seem to get enough of her, for good or for ill.

Meanest Story nominee:Todd Palin caught up in sex scandal!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 31 January 2011

If it's a competition for Meanest Story of the Week, it is only fit and proper the The Flagship has at least one nominee. This week they go with the story that the Palin marriage is in trouble. According to the Enquirer headline writers, Todd is such a forgettable nobody that the headline reads, "Sarah Palin's husband caught up in sex scandal! The woman who threatens their marriage!"

As little as I might like these two, they've raised five kids (with mixed results) through thick and thin and I doubt either one of them wants to get off the gravy train now. The Enquirer loves to print this stuff because they know how thin-skinned she is and that she has to respond to everything. There is yet another Sarah story in the tabs this week, but this one gets a Meanest Story nominee.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Oprah-Palin feud explodes!

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 January 2011

You may have heard that Oprah was asked about a possible presidential bid by Sarah Palin, and the Queen of Everything said it did not scare her because she "trusted the intelligence of the American people."

Oh, no she din't go there!

Well, now it's on like Donkey Kong!

Not only will there be blood. There will be tweets and Facebook posts. I don't know how Oprah will be able to stand the barrage.

Extra labels to the story below.

This is just here to add extra labels to the story below. Annoying blogger bookkeeping stuff.

Weekly World News alert:Sarah picks Hillary to be her V.P.!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 27 December 2010

Yes, Sarah Palin has figured out how to get that much-needed gravitas a candidate must have to get votes from people who do not consider jerky one of the four basic food groups. Put Hillary on the ticket! The sub-headline reads "Sarah: It's time to put politics aside!"

Sarah should talk to some of her loopy right-wing friends about this. Is she unaware that the Clintons have had several people rubbed out?

I have to say, since their low point this year killing the Two-Headed Bigfoot on the White House lawn, the Weekly World News has hired a better team of writers and they are finding the funny on a more consistent basis.