Nostradamus predicts the 2012 election

Publication: Sun

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Are you among the people who accept any prophecy that has the name Nostradamus linked to it?

It's time you changed your mind.  The Sun puts a bunch of stuff on the front page predicting the 2012 election and one of them I am certain is complete bunk.

 

Welcome to gossip hell, Mitt Romney! Nostradamus says he will run afoul of the IRS.

Not impossible.

Barack Obama will have a health scare.

He's young, but all of us are mortal.  This is possible.

Sarah Palin will run as a Democrat.

Ah, hellz no, as we say in Oakland.  She's not running for office, she's too busy running after cash. People do switch parties, but the party has a say about it, too, and she's obviously a loser now.  She wouldn't switch and the Dems wouldn't take her.

I am so certain of this, I'm going to put the "Nostradamus fail" label on this one right now.  I will come back in November 2012 to check the others.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™: All the 9/11/11 prophecies kinda fizzle.

Publication: Sun
Date: 15 August 2011

Last month, the Sun had a passel of headlines about what would come to pass by yesterday, 9/11/11, all predicted by Nostradamus. Here they are.

• Nuclear blast rocks U.S.
• Great depression
• Bin Laden seen alive!
• Lady Liberty speaks
• Antichrist is a woman!
  

The only one of them that's even close is the great depression, but most economists disagree and it certainly didn't get massively worse in the past four weeks, so I'm going to hang a big zero for five around Michel de Nostradamus' long dead neck.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™: Yet again, the world fails to end on July 4

Publication: Sun
Date: 2 May 2011

Last Easter week, the Sun told us July 4 was the beginning of the end. According to John the Baptist, Satan would appear in Congress and according to Nostradamus, a new plague would be sweeping the United States.

It's July 5 and the major news outlets don't have any such stories, so I'm going to call this another swing and a miss.

More than that, this is a re-hash on the part of the Sun, who said Satan would appear in Congress on July 4, 2010.

It's like they think we aren't paying attention.

Failed prophecy alert:No important diplomatic move by a member of the Bush family

Publication: Sun
Date: 17 May 2010

Everybody's favorite vague French 16th Century prophet and poet Michel de Nostradamus gets a big 0-for-5 hung on him based on the alleged prophecies somebody read into his stuff for the Sun back in May. The last prophecy was that some member of the Bush family was going to do something important diplomatically in November.

It's December 1 and if there was something diplomatic this month, I missed it.

The closest thing to diplomatic I heard was Barbara Bush saying that Sarah Palin is very beautiful and she should stay in Alaska.

You might interpret this as "Shut up, you friggin' bimbo!" and you would probably not be wrong. This is about as diplomatic as the old "rhymes with witch" gets.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:No plague in U.S. in September!

Publication: Sun
Date: 17 May 2010

Nostradamus, the most trusted name in prophecy.

Nostradamus, complete fucking dud in the Sun this year.

There was supposed to be a killer plague sweeping the U.S. in September. I know some of my students caught whatever was going around, especially if I was giving a midterm, but as for killer plague, not so much.

This is the fifth official use of the "Nostradamus fail" label this year. How many times have I used the "Nostradamus win" label? So far, I haven't had any need to invent it.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:No four horseman sightings in Rome!

Publication: Sun
Dates: 9 August 2010 and 8 March 2010

The Sun told us twice this year that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would be seen in Rome on September 11, 2010. This means this story should have been twice as true as any other story they published this year.

Quick math lesson: twice zero is... anyone?

Yes, it's still zero.

Also, if you want media coverage, wouldn't it make more sense to appear in New York City where all the cameras are? Just sayin'.

There was a separate story saying Nostradamus predicted terror attacks for 9/11/10. You know, for a world famous French prophet whose name has lasted over the centuries, Nostradamus does not give you much bang for the buck, or even much frisson for the franc.

Prophecy fail:No soul caught in a jar

Another date has come and gone without a prophecy in the Sun coming true. Back in May, they gave us a list of stuff that would happen in 2010 according to Nostradamus. According to the list, scientist would capture the soul of a dying human being in a jar. No scientist has come forward claiming such a thing, so it's another swing and a miss for everybody's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet.

Or maybe we should give the fail to the pointy headed scientists who failed to do this obviously awesome thing.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:Laws of physics still in effect

The Sun gets another prophecy wrong, this one about... the sun! No, not about itself, but instead that star about 96 million miles away from us that we see and feel on a daily basis.

Back in May, the Sun said that Nostradamus predicted in July 2010 a solar flare would cause earthquakes. Well, of course there were earthquakes this month, there always are, and solar flares as well, but there's no science that links the two. Everybody I could find on the Internets conflating the two phenomena I would put in the category of "crackpot".

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:World War III is NOT narrowly averted in June 2010

In early May, the Sun published predictions from Nostradamus for the rest of the year. The first specific time period was the month of June, when a terrorist attack incorrectly blamed on some country was supposed to almost start World War III. The closest thing to the start of a worldwide conflagration was the sabre rattling between the Koreas, but that story shares none of the details from the prediction.

The next date to watch out for... July 4!

Stay tuned.