Nostradamus predicts the 2012 election

Publication: Sun

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Are you among the people who accept any prophecy that has the name Nostradamus linked to it?

It's time you changed your mind.  The Sun puts a bunch of stuff on the front page predicting the 2012 election and one of them I am certain is complete bunk.

 

Welcome to gossip hell, Mitt Romney! Nostradamus says he will run afoul of the IRS.

Not impossible.

Barack Obama will have a health scare.

He's young, but all of us are mortal.  This is possible.

Sarah Palin will run as a Democrat.

Ah, hellz no, as we say in Oakland.  She's not running for office, she's too busy running after cash. People do switch parties, but the party has a say about it, too, and she's obviously a loser now.  She wouldn't switch and the Dems wouldn't take her.

I am so certain of this, I'm going to put the "Nostradamus fail" label on this one right now.  I will come back in November 2012 to check the others.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: Nostradamus gets very specific about September 11, 2011!

Publication: Sun

Date: 15 August 2011



Once again the Sun relies on everyone's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet Michel de Nostradamus for several specific events that will happen on September 11, 2011.



Some folks might have wished he could be this accurate and specific ten years ago, but let's not cry over spilled milk, shall we?



On the tenth anniversary of the terror attack, we can expect these horrors and signs.

• Nuclear blast rocks U.S.
• Great depression
• Bin Laden seen alive!
• Lady Liberty speaks
• Antichrist is a woman!
  
  

I don't believe any of this stuff, but I will report back on September 12. If the last one is true, my money is on Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann, but that's just me.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: More bad stuff for 2011!

Publication: Sun

Date: 8 August 2011



The Sun has given us more bad things that will happen this year and credited some of their "most reliable" psychics. Of course they use everyone's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus, but also Black Elk, John the Baptist and Mother Teresa, a line-up they have used before.



No Nikki, Psychic to the Stars, sad to say.



The stuff that is supposed happen: Al Qaeda nukes, a White House scandal and a Medicare meltdown.



As long as the Tea Party has its way, the third thing is an option. The second could also take place. The first one... not really believable.



We'll see. And I promise to report back on 1/1/2012.

I've been confused about using Mother Teresa as a prophet. Teresa of Avila, sure, but Teresa of Calcutta? Well, her organization disavows this stuff and wishes people would stop. Not that their wishes carry any weight with a two-bit rag like the Sun.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: End of the World on July 4! (Again.)

Publication: Sun
Date: 2 May 2011

I hate to spoil everybody's Easter, but I report this day on the worst prediction of the End of the World I've seen yet on the cover of the Sun.

The world will end on July 4!

Again.

They predicted the same thing last year with almost the same details and same alleged prophets.

Here are the sub-headlines from this week's cover.

• Mother Teresa: Hidden Bible secrets
• Black Elk: Who will be saved
• Nostradamus: New Great plague hits U.S.
• John the Baptist: Satan appears in Congress
  

The only change from last year's line-up of dead psychic stars is Nostradamus is in and Edgar Cayce is out. Edgar saw firestorms instead of a great plague.

I've often wondered who buys the Sun and how profitable it can be. I'm now guessing the entire workforce is less than twenty, so it makes profitability a lot easier.

Nostradamus and the new 9/11 in 2011.

Publication: Sun
Date: 4 April 2011

The Sun is back to being useful as far as this blog is concerned, which means they are giving predictions with dates on the cover. It's not the End of the World this time, so no Skeeter Davis Alert™, just the next massive terror attack, but it does come from everyone's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus. Among the visuals are a crashing plane, a mushroom cloud and pictures of North Korean leader Kim Jong Il and Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Of course, as bad as a nuclear terror attack would be, let's recall we are less than two months away from The End of the World according to Dr. Harold Camping, so it might be a good idea not to sweat the small stuff.

Weak Skeeter Davis Alert™:Nostradamus tells you about 2011!It's not good.

Publication: Sun
Date: 14 February 2011

You know who we haven't heard from since June of last year? Everybody's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus. He was full of bad news about 2010, none of which came true, but that's no reason to stop quoting a guy with his reputation, no matter how undeserved.

He doesn't actually say it's the end of the world, but the angels tell him of a "fearful future" and allegedly, the specific year is 2011, though he almost never mentioned a specific year, just astrological conjunctions.

You want a fearful future? I gotcher fearful future right here, buddy.

THE WORLD ENDS ON MAY 21 OF THIS YEAR!

And I didn't read this in some silly gossip rag, it was in the San Francisco Chronicle!

Okay, granted it's hard to tell the Chron from a silly gossip rag. The main difference is you can't buy it at the checkout stand at Lucky's.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:World War III is NOT narrowly averted in June 2010

In early May, the Sun published predictions from Nostradamus for the rest of the year. The first specific time period was the month of June, when a terrorist attack incorrectly blamed on some country was supposed to almost start World War III. The closest thing to the start of a worldwide conflagration was the sabre rattling between the Koreas, but that story shares none of the details from the prediction.

The next date to watch out for... July 4!

Stay tuned.

Very Weak Skeeter Davis Alert:Nostradamus predicts terror attacks on 9/11/10

Publication: Sun
Date: 21 June 2010

Fresh trash delivered tomorrow. Finishing up this week's trash... right now!

It's not really the End of the World, but the Sun says Nostradamus predicts another terrorist attack for September 11, 2010. The Statue of Liberty will weep.

So the date in numbers would be 9/11/2010, written in the American style or 11/9/2010 written in the European style. What if there was a transposition, and the prophecy really was talking about 9/11/2001 or 11/9/2001 in European? That would mean that Nostradamus got the original terrorist attacks right and those jerks who interpret him just did the math wrong.

Boy, would their faces be red. Assuming they have any shame at all.

Skeeter Davis Alert:Nostradamus is really fixated on 2010

Publication: Sun
Date: 17 May 2010

You know who we haven't heard from in months? Everybody's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus. The Sun says there are lost prophecies, but what do you know? They found them in time for publication this week.

Oooh, that was lucky!

Once again, the Sun promised exact dates inside, so like a sap I actually had to open the damned thing to get the skinny for my many loyal readers. Here are the highlights.

• June: World War III almost begins. Some country is blamed for a terrorist attack but it turns out not to be true. Sounds more like Tom Clancy than Nostradamus, but what do I know?
• July: A huge solar flare causes earthquakes. I'm not sure the physics works on this one.
• August: Scientists capture the soul of a dying human being. Okay, I'm sure the physics does NOT work on this one.
• September: A killer plague sweeps the U.S.
• November: Some member of the Bush family performs a great act of diplomatic skills. This does not break any laws of physics, but it does go against the basic tenets of human nature. These people are betting hard for the end of the world, I don't see how they profit by postponing it.

So if any of these things happen, you heard it here first.

And if none of them happen, you heard it here first that they are all bullshit.

Skeeter Davis Alert™:Nostradamus says killer quakes will rock the United States

Publication: Sun
Date: 22 Feb. 2010

For the second week in a row, the Sun has a headline specific enough to make it on this blog. There will be huge earthquakes, and they will start massive fires.

The good news is that Barack Obama has a secret plan to save us. This of course assumes he can get it past the Republicans in Congress.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: WW III starts in 2010

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 Jan. 2010

World War III isn't exactly the end of the world, but it could be a pretty good start. Who says it starts this year? Why, none other than everybody's favorite 16th Century apothecary and extremely vague French poet, Michel de Nostradamus! Or at least that's how some Nostradamus "expert" has interpreted some vague French poetic bullshit.


Like people everywhere of taste and refinement, I prefer Negrodamus, who explains the world we truly live in with clear and focused comments such as...

"White people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X."