Skeeter Davis Alert™: 100 prophecies that will be true by the end of 2011. But only one on the cover.

Publication: Sun
Date: 31 Oct 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Sun says they have 100 prophecies that will come true before the end of 2011, which averages to more than one prophecy a day. The only one on the cover is that Jesus will return after al Qaeda attacks the United States on Thanksgiving Day.

Longtime readers know my rules. If they give a specific date and a specific event, I am honor bound to print it AND to report back to see if it happened.

The other think worth mentioning is the line-up of important prophets put on the cover. We have John the Baptist, Mary Magdalene, Black Elk, and at long last...

the return of...

Nikki, Psychic to the Stars!

I can even begin to say how much I've missed her.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: The Mayans get everything right. On a ridiculously easy test.

Publication: Sun
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

My rules on printing predictions about the End of the World from the cover of the Sun are straightforward. If they give a date and events to expect by that date, I will print it.

On that date, I'll let folks know if any of the stuff came true.

Usually... not so much.

This time, the Sun says the Mayans are right because of these omens already coming true.

• Wildfires
• Terror threats
• Killer quakes
• Raging floods

These are supposed to happen before December 31, 2012. Even if we don't count the ones that have already happened this year, it's a stone cold lock that all these things will happen somewhere in the world in the next 62 weeks or so.

I guess when it comes to the End of the World, after you get it wrong so many times, you start grading on the curve.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: The hidden prophecies of... JFK?!?

Publication: Sun

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Sun has been known to make up prophets, like Gordon Elk L'Suk, or claim that someone made prophecies who didn't, like Mother Teresa. Now they are claiming that John F. Kennedy was clairvoyant, and his prophecies include a date in the near future. Here are the headlines.

• Predicts his exact assassination date
• Warns Jackie: don't marry Onassis
• China to attack U.S. in 2012
  
  

Well, it's wacky, but it does have a date in the foreseeable future. There have been cyber-attacks that people have claimed have come from governments, but I'm going to say JFK wouldn't know about that, and for this prophecy to be true we need an actual physical assault on American soil, American troops or American property.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: Indian scroll says all final prophecies come true in the next 100 days!

Publication: Sun

Date: 5 September 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Sun does me the courtesy of a specific date for their latest gloom and doom, saying a Native American scroll shows that the Rapture, Armageddon, the Second Coming and several new disasters will be coming in the next 100 days, which if I counted it correctly means a due date of Saturday, December 3 of this year at the very latest.

Honestly, anything that might stop this jackass from becoming President of the United States would be an improvement.



I will probably still be here to report, oh me of little faith.

Skeeter Davis alert: Goverment death map!

Publication: Sun

Date: 22 August 2011



Usually, I don't print anything from the Sun unless there are specific dates which can be checked, but this week's story about the government death map had a picture of popular tabloid target Barack Elvis Obama and the beginning paragraphs of the story on the cover instead of just a few headlines.



I am reporting on this because of a single phrase I wanted to quote, the detail that this map of where disasters are most likely to strike was compiled by "respected civil engineers, gifted psychics and Bible scholars".



How can you not feel comforted here about a talented line-up like that working on the government dime?

Skeeter Davis Alert™: Nostradamus gets very specific about September 11, 2011!

Publication: Sun

Date: 15 August 2011



Once again the Sun relies on everyone's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet Michel de Nostradamus for several specific events that will happen on September 11, 2011.



Some folks might have wished he could be this accurate and specific ten years ago, but let's not cry over spilled milk, shall we?



On the tenth anniversary of the terror attack, we can expect these horrors and signs.

• Nuclear blast rocks U.S.
• Great depression
• Bin Laden seen alive!
• Lady Liberty speaks
• Antichrist is a woman!
  
  

I don't believe any of this stuff, but I will report back on September 12. If the last one is true, my money is on Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann, but that's just me.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: More bad stuff for 2011!

Publication: Sun

Date: 8 August 2011



The Sun has given us more bad things that will happen this year and credited some of their "most reliable" psychics. Of course they use everyone's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus, but also Black Elk, John the Baptist and Mother Teresa, a line-up they have used before.



No Nikki, Psychic to the Stars, sad to say.



The stuff that is supposed happen: Al Qaeda nukes, a White House scandal and a Medicare meltdown.



As long as the Tea Party has its way, the third thing is an option. The second could also take place. The first one... not really believable.



We'll see. And I promise to report back on 1/1/2012.

I've been confused about using Mother Teresa as a prophet. Teresa of Avila, sure, but Teresa of Calcutta? Well, her organization disavows this stuff and wishes people would stop. Not that their wishes carry any weight with a two-bit rag like the Sun.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: Seven deadly omens signal Judgment Day in 2011!

Publication: Sun
1 August 2011

Once again, the Sun wants us to know we live in The End Times, even though people who take the Bible seriously shouldn't believe a word of this. They say there are seven deadly omens, but they only give three on the cover, so those are the only ones I include in this post.

• Worldwide riots
• Killer storms
• New great depression
  

Usually, I say I will report back at the time when these things are supposed to take place. Unlike most of the predictions, these are both common enough and vague enough that I expect at least one and maybe two of them to come true. After all, the Atlantic hurricane season has yet to take place and there are always deaths somewhere due to them, so "killer storms" is pretty much a lock. Riots are common enough and as for the word "depression" to describe the current economic mess, even Paul Krugman is using it now, though he calls it the Lesser Depression.

The only thing far fetched is that these events will be signs of the End Times. It's just the everyday crap we live with, so don't get all drama queen about it.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: NASA says giant asteroid heading for Earth in November!

Publication: Sun
Date: 11 July 2011

If you've been following this blog, you probably realize the name Nostradamus doesn't mean as much as it used to. Lots of alleged Nostradamus prophecies have come up craps in the past year and a half. So this time, the Sun uses NASA as the source of the latest doomsday scenario. An asteroid will hit the earth this November with the force of 65,000 atomic bombs.

On December 1, I expect to be here to report on whether this catastrophe happened or not.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: Bible code reveals what will really happen in 2012!

Publication: Sun
Date: 27 June 2011

The Sun has a headline that barely meets all the requirements of a prophecy I can publish and check, which means a date, in this case the end of 2012, and an event, which isn't written in words, but does have a picture of the globe blowing up.

Also, the Sun tells its readers this is based on Bible codes, not some off brand Mayan prophecy that can't be reliable.

Who buys this stuff? As my brother pointed out recently, 100 is the average and the median IQ in the world, so half the world, and half of of Americans in particular, have two digit IQs.

It explains a lot.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: More bad news from the Mayans.

Publication: Sun
Date: 13 June 2011

The Sun has not been very useful to this blog over the past few months. I do not publish their end times stuff or disaster prediction unless there's an actual date involved and they haven't done much of that this year. This week they throw me a bone with predictions based on the alleged upcoming apocalypse foretold by the Mayans. Here are the dates.

• July 2011: earthquakes rock the Midwest
• Sept 2011: Great flood sweeps entire U.S.
  

As for earthquakes in the Midwest, they do happen and there have been some big ones, but because it's the relief of pressure in the middle of a tectonic plate, they are very rare. The graphic shows a house completely demolished. As a Californian, I'm going to be all arbitrary and say anything less than a 6.0 on the Richter scale is not a quake worth predicting.

The graphic for the great flood is a massive honking wave hitting the Statue of Liberty, so I'm going to say that a river overflowing its banks in September will NOT count as a correct prophecy.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: End of the World on July 4! (Again.)

Publication: Sun
Date: 2 May 2011

I hate to spoil everybody's Easter, but I report this day on the worst prediction of the End of the World I've seen yet on the cover of the Sun.

The world will end on July 4!

Again.

They predicted the same thing last year with almost the same details and same alleged prophets.

Here are the sub-headlines from this week's cover.

• Mother Teresa: Hidden Bible secrets
• Black Elk: Who will be saved
• Nostradamus: New Great plague hits U.S.
• John the Baptist: Satan appears in Congress
  

The only change from last year's line-up of dead psychic stars is Nostradamus is in and Edgar Cayce is out. Edgar saw firestorms instead of a great plague.

I've often wondered who buys the Sun and how profitable it can be. I'm now guessing the entire workforce is less than twenty, so it makes profitability a lot easier.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: End of the World postponed three years!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 25 April 2011

The Weekly World News and the Sun, allegedly two different editorial staffs sharing the same pages, got their wires crossed this week. The Sun has a story about the JFK assassination and the Weekly World News has a headline about the end of the world.

The Weekly World News tells us that someone who predicted the apocalypse has come out and changed the date by three years.

Let me admit a weakness. This headline made me open the tabloid, something I do not do on general principles. The person changing his mind was some off brand preacher from Alabama who said the end of the world would be in 2010, who now says the correct date is 2013.

Just to be clear, it was NOT Dr. Harold Camping changing his mind. He still says the Rapture will take place on May 21, 2011.

Of course, he also predicted it would be September 6, 1994, and when that day came and went incident free, he pushed the date back to March 1995. After his second swing and miss, the good Doctor said "The Lord has decided to tarry."

In the immortal words of Rocket J. Squirrel, "But that trick NEVER works."

Billy Graham fought demons... and won!

Publication: Sun
Date: 18 April 2011

The Sun had its usual fare on the cover this week. You know, end of the world just around the corner, in fact just "weeks away". But, that's not a testable date, so I'm not broadcasting that story.

They did have a headline they called a "last days shocker" that Billy Graham claims to have fought demons... and won!

If that's goofy Christian code talk for saying he's cut his son Franklin out of his will, well... that would truly be a blessing.

'Cos that mofo is crazy.

Skeeter Davis Alert™ :Final prophecies come true in 2011.

Publication: Sun
Date: 21 March 2011

It's Daylight Savings Time this weekend, and the editors at the Sun would like you to move your clocks forward to the End of the World. They put yet another prediction of the End Times on their cover, saying that ALL the final prophecies will become true in 2011.

Among the signs they promise are fiery visions of Jesus seen all around the world.

They also say millions of more birds will fall from the sky.

Plan accordingly.

Skeeter Davis Alert™ :More chilling prophecies with a 100 day deadline.

Publication: Sun
Date: 14 March 2011

It was just three weeks ago the Sun gave us some End Times prophecies that would take place in the next 100 days, and now 21 days later, we get another set of End Times prophecies with a new 100 day freshness sticker.

To quote the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I didn't know the word "apocalypse" had a plural.

The Sun promises a lot more good future dish inside, which of course I didn't read, but the three prophecies they have on the cover are:

• Second coming
• Nuclear war
• White House sex scandal

One of these things is not like the others.

Speaking of "not like the others", the Sun gives us a list of the prophets used to find out these remarkable future events.

• Mary Magdalene (didn't know she was a prophetess)
• John the Baptist (okay, that's more like it)
• Edgar Cayce, the sleeping prophet (better known 50 years ago, but still a good name)
  AND...
  wait for it...

• Nikki, Psychic to the Stars!

Honestly, this may be the best laugh I've gotten from the Sun in quite some time, and that includes the Weekly World News stuff.

Skeeter Davis Alert™ :Bible code tells us of the next 100 days!

Publication: Sun
Date: 21 February 2011

Once again, the Sun gets specific enough with a prophecy that it can be checked for accuracy. Their source is the Bible Code, whatever that means, and they say these things will happen in the next 100 days.

• Jesus returns!
• Easter apocalypse shocks U.S.!

Since it didn't say Jesus return exactly on Easter, I will instead report on Jesus' return 100 days from the publication of the Sun last Thursday. That lines up exactly with Dr. Harold Camping's prediction of the End of the World this May 21.

I will report back on the validity of this prediction on May 22.

Kind of makes it sound like the Internet and I will be around on May 22 and I think the prediction will be a dud, doesn't it? For Dr. Camping, this can only be a success if third time's a charm, as he completely fanned on two End of the World prophecies back in the 1990s.

Sorry, Doc, but it doesn't inspire confidence.

Skeeter Davis Alert™:Dead birds = end times.'Cos the Bible tells me so.

(illustration nicked from lightningrodman.blogspot.com)
Publication: Sun
Date: 7 February 2011

The Sun wasn't delivered to my favorite news stand last week, but it did show up at my local supermarket, and there were two headlines that made the grade. The Sun, who have been pulling prophets out of thin air recently, instead chose a short and obscure book of Old Testament prophecy to say that all the dead birds falling out of the sky are a sign of the End Times. The book is Zephaniah, a mere three chapters long and summarized herein as;

"And lo, the Lord shat upon the earth from a great height, for they had been working on his last good nerve and they like totes had it coming for like... forever."

The money quote is from the first chapter, third verse.

I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea...

Usually I only print their End Times stuff if they give a date, but I was somewhat impressed that they found this obscure text and quoted it correctly.

Weak Skeeter Davis Alert™:Nostradamus tells you about 2011!It's not good.

Publication: Sun
Date: 14 February 2011

You know who we haven't heard from since June of last year? Everybody's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus. He was full of bad news about 2010, none of which came true, but that's no reason to stop quoting a guy with his reputation, no matter how undeserved.

He doesn't actually say it's the end of the world, but the angels tell him of a "fearful future" and allegedly, the specific year is 2011, though he almost never mentioned a specific year, just astrological conjunctions.

You want a fearful future? I gotcher fearful future right here, buddy.

THE WORLD ENDS ON MAY 21 OF THIS YEAR!

And I didn't read this in some silly gossip rag, it was in the San Francisco Chronicle!

Okay, granted it's hard to tell the Chron from a silly gossip rag. The main difference is you can't buy it at the checkout stand at Lucky's.

Skeeter Davis Alert™:The fan meets the brown stuff in 2011!

Publication: Sun
Date: 10 January 2011

Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

But that trick never works!

This time for sure.

Yes, it's a new year and the Sun is happy to tell us that all the important final prophecies will come true this year. Sure, they said that about 2010 as well, but this time they are serious.

The details they put on the cover include:

• Second coming, sooner than you think
• Where Armageddon will be fought (I thought it was going to be fought in Armageddon. Did they get bumped to make way for a cooler apocalypse?)
• Five signs of the apocalypse

Once again, I publish these because a precise date was given, and I will report on how successful the predictions were at the end of 2011.