(illustration nicked from lightningrodman.blogspot.com)Publication: Sun
Date: 7 February 2011
The Sun wasn't delivered to my favorite news stand last week, but it did show up at my local supermarket, and there were two headlines that made the grade. The Sun, who have been pulling prophets out of thin air recently, instead chose a short and obscure book of Old Testament prophecy to say that all the dead birds falling out of the sky are a sign of the End Times. The book is Zephaniah, a mere three chapters long and summarized herein as;
"And lo, the Lord shat upon the earth from a great height, for they had been working on his last good nerve and they like totes had it coming for like... forever."
The money quote is from the first chapter, third verse.
I will consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fishes of the sea...
Usually I only print their End Times stuff if they give a date, but I was somewhat impressed that they found this obscure text and quoted it correctly.