Skeeter Davis Alert™: The hidden prophecies of... JFK?!?

Publication: Sun

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Sun has been known to make up prophets, like Gordon Elk L'Suk, or claim that someone made prophecies who didn't, like Mother Teresa. Now they are claiming that John F. Kennedy was clairvoyant, and his prophecies include a date in the near future. Here are the headlines.

• Predicts his exact assassination date
• Warns Jackie: don't marry Onassis
• China to attack U.S. in 2012
  
  

Well, it's wacky, but it does have a date in the foreseeable future. There have been cyber-attacks that people have claimed have come from governments, but I'm going to say JFK wouldn't know about that, and for this prophecy to be true we need an actual physical assault on American soil, American troops or American property.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: More bad stuff for 2011!

Publication: Sun

Date: 8 August 2011



The Sun has given us more bad things that will happen this year and credited some of their "most reliable" psychics. Of course they use everyone's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus, but also Black Elk, John the Baptist and Mother Teresa, a line-up they have used before.



No Nikki, Psychic to the Stars, sad to say.



The stuff that is supposed happen: Al Qaeda nukes, a White House scandal and a Medicare meltdown.



As long as the Tea Party has its way, the third thing is an option. The second could also take place. The first one... not really believable.



We'll see. And I promise to report back on 1/1/2012.

I've been confused about using Mother Teresa as a prophet. Teresa of Avila, sure, but Teresa of Calcutta? Well, her organization disavows this stuff and wishes people would stop. Not that their wishes carry any weight with a two-bit rag like the Sun.

Skeeter Davis Alert™: End of the World on July 4! (Again.)

Publication: Sun
Date: 2 May 2011

I hate to spoil everybody's Easter, but I report this day on the worst prediction of the End of the World I've seen yet on the cover of the Sun.

The world will end on July 4!

Again.

They predicted the same thing last year with almost the same details and same alleged prophets.

Here are the sub-headlines from this week's cover.

• Mother Teresa: Hidden Bible secrets
• Black Elk: Who will be saved
• Nostradamus: New Great plague hits U.S.
• John the Baptist: Satan appears in Congress
  

The only change from last year's line-up of dead psychic stars is Nostradamus is in and Edgar Cayce is out. Edgar saw firestorms instead of a great plague.

I've often wondered who buys the Sun and how profitable it can be. I'm now guessing the entire workforce is less than twenty, so it makes profitability a lot easier.

Leaving The Love Boat™:Madonna and Jesus Luz

Publication: Chicago Sun-Times
Date: 4 Feb. 2010

The tabs missed it, but it is being reported that the 51 year old Madonna and her 23 year old Brazilian boyfriend Jesus Luz are going their separate ways. It turns out that besides Kabbalah, they don't have that much in common.

So nu?

Besides being 28 years older than Jesus, Madge is 14 years older than Jesus' mom.

Do the math. Or don't. It's icky.