All this week's BrAngelina drama.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, National Enquirer

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Two very different stories this week, mainly about Angelina Jolie, but Brad and daughter Shiloh get mentioned as well, so they count as BrAngelina.  Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style:  Angelina: Desperate to be skinny
  She's surviving on just 600 calories a day
  Brad begs a stressed and frail Angelina to stop starving herself
• National Enquirer: Brad rages at Angelina for raising Shiloh as a boy!
  All the details
  Put her in a dress! Brad orders Angie!

Meanest story nominee: Hollywood's nastiest Mother-Daughter feuds!

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

After going missing from Oakland newspaper racks last week, the low rent Examiner is back and ready to compete in the Meanest Story competition with a grab bag story about the moms and daughters who just don't get along.  With moms listed first, the three pairs named on the cover are: 

• Nancy Reagan and Patti Davis
• Martha and Alexis Stewart
• Susan Jordan and Meg Ryan

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bad mom alert: Martha Stewart's daughter writes tell-all book.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

The headline on the low rent Examiner reads "Martha Stewart mom from hell!", information gleaned from the new tell-all book written by Stewart's daughter Alexis, who is now 46.

If they make a movie of it, it's just too bad Faye Dunaway is now too old to play Martha in her prime.

Rich people are rich: More stories of bad Hollywood parenting.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

There are two sub-headlines to the Weekly Life & Style cover story about what a bad job of parenting Suri Cruise is getting about other celebrity kids being pampered or spoiled.

Shiloh took 15 flights in one year. That does seem excessive for a five year old, but it's doesn't necessarily scar her for life.

And the more egregious story if true, Mason Disick has been made to undergo plastic surgery at the age of 21 months.

Bad Mom and Dad alert: Inside Suri's twisted world.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Last year, many stories about TomKat followed the narrative that Katie Holmes was an innocent trapped in a nasty cult. This year, the story has changed and most of the stories about the couple focus on their bizarre ideas about child rearing and how much of a spoiled brat five year old Suri Cruise has become. Here are the headlines.

• Crazy new details
• Trapped in Tom and Katies warped world
• Katie yanks Suri from school for Fashion Week
• Encouraged to wear dark lipstick and heels
• Cupcakes for breakfast and dinner at 1 a.m.
• Now Suri's acting out
  
  

Meanest story nominee: The Enquirer gets a Sarah Palin laundry list of scandals from the new Joe McGinniss.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Say what you will about the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, they are equal opportunity haters across the political spectrum. They've slagged anyone in the White House since at least Bill Clinton, they've gone after John Edwards and Al Gore, but also Rush Limbaugh and now, Sarah Palin. They took the juiciest stories from the new book to be released by Joe McGinniss and put them on the cover this week. Here are the headlines.

• Sarah cheated on Todd with Glen Rice
• Husband Todd's racial violence
• Her naked nights with young girls
• She abandoned her kids
  

For those without a score card, Glen Rice is an NBA player and Sarah's alleged affair took place before she was married to Todd.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bad Mom alert and bad help alert:Nanny rats on Angelina.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 August 2011

Angelina Jolie gets three cover stories this week, two as part of the major gossip couple of our generation and one as a bad mom, according to an ex-nanny Krisann Morel. Here are the headlines.

• Angelina, "Ice queen" mom
• The nanny tells all!
  shocking book exclusive
• The incident that drove nanny Krisann Morel to tears!
  How Angelina stages photos and orders nannies to hide
• Ignores hurt Shiloh
• Chaos at home: Kids literally swinging on chandeliers!
  

She Fought The Law Alert™: Casey Anthony's drunken party!

Publication: Globe
Date: 20 June 2011

While several gossip rags have had stories about the murder trial now taking place in Florida, the Globe is by far the most invested in the story. They have photos from a drunken party they say took place just four days after the little girl was murdered.

Let's recall that the National Enquirer had a headline to the effect Casey Anthony will walk free. The trial isn't over yet, but this looks like as bad a prediction as has been made all year, and I'm including Dr. Harold Camping.

Bad mom alert: Chaz Bono offers Angelina help with Shiloh

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2o June 2011

The low rent Examiner has a story about Angelina Jolie raising Shiloh as a boy and Chaz Bono says he can help. This is a complete re-hash of a story in OK! last month. Last year, there were a passel of stories about Shiloh's tomboy ways.

I just know what I read in these silly magazines and I don't believe half of that. If Angelina sticks to her decision to leave Chaz Bono the hell out of her parenting process, this is a move full of win, as the young people are fond of saying.

She Fought The Law Alert™:As the trial starts, the gossip rags pay attention to the Casey Anthony trial.

Publications: People, National Enquirer, OK!
Date: 13 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Before this week, all the news about Casey Anthony, the mom on trial for her life for allegedly killing her daughter, has been in the Enquirer and Globe. Now that the trial has started, both People and OK! get in the game and the Enquirer takes a new tack. Here are the headlines.

• People: Caylee Anthony murder case
  Secrets & Lies
  Mom's shocking defense
  Bombshell testimony, new claims of sexual abuse inside accused killer Casey Anthony's trial strategy
• OK!: Casey Anthony caught in a lie
• National Enquirer: Casey Anthony will walk free!
  Killer mom's plan to escape death row!

As usual, if everyone else is saying x, the Enquirer feels duty bound to say "NOT x!"

Call it a marketing strategy.

Or lying. Whatever.

UPDATE: let's me eat some crow. The Enquirer's experts got it right. Her defense team did enough to create reasonable doubt in the jury's mind and she was found not guilty of murder.

Bad mom alert: Mom torments Kardashian sisters over their bodies.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 23 May 2011

In Touch calls out Kris Jenner as a nasty beeyotch ruining the lives of her daughters. Here are the details.

• Kourtney pressured to get Botox to erase crow's-feet
• Khloe delays baby plans for lip after Kris calls her 'fat'
• Kim agrees to a super-sized butt implant to stay famous

Doesn't being famous sound like super fun?

Bad parents alert: BrAngelina's kids turn violent!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 21 March 2011

The Flagship doesn't like BrAngelina, but then again, The Flagship doesn't like anybody very much. Instead of calling Angie insane, this week they say all the kids are hellions. Here are the subheadlines.

• They are attacking each other
• Kicking, punching, scratching
• The vicious fight at school
• Brad's protecting the twins.
  

And just in case you've forgotten the names of any of their 748 children, there are separate photos of Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, Knox and Viv.

Bad parents alert:Suri, diva on the set.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

This week, Tuesday is Pick on Scientologists Day! Most of the nastiest stories about the people in the weird cult come from the AMI kennel, but this one is from In Touch, the meanest of the "regular" supermarket rags, with about one in three positive stories. (Note: that isn't even close to the Three Wicked Step Sister rags, who average one positive story in every nine.) In any case, yet again we have a story saying Suri Cruise is an out of control brat whose parents give her way too much leeway.

Bad mom alert:Angelina's kids think she's weird.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 27 December 2010

In Touch boasts an exclusive interview with Angelina Jolie and the biggest quote they have is that her kids think she's weird.

So her kids agree with 95% of the world's population. Nice to know.

Bad mom alert:Angie's violent rages at Shiloh!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 December 2010

Angelina Jolie has been the favorite topic of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this year. While as a couple with Brad she is in third behind Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston, she is also currently in the Top Ten as a solo act. Two months ago, the Globe told us she was jealous of her daughter Shiloh, now the Big Wicked Step Sister says she flies into rages, screaming at the child and slapping her.

Personally, I'll wait until one of the kids writes their Mommie Dearest.

Bad mom alert:Two Gosselin kids expelled from school

Publication: In Touch
Date: 22 November 2010

The supermarket rags have been living Gosselin free for about six weeks, but of course that couldn't last. In Touch tells us that two of the brood have been expelled from school.

Of course, in gossip world, this only reflects badly on the parents, or in this case the mother. I'm old fashioned so that seems fair to me. I'm so old fashioned, it used to be that if your daughter got knocked up by the son of the local drug dealer and had a baby before she graduated from high school, that also would reflect poorly upon the parents.

But it's okay if you are a Republican.

Bad mom alert:Angelina jealous of Shiloh

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 October 2010

Both the Globe and the low rent Examiner tend to have stories that skew towards an older demographic, but this week they both entered territory usually covered by the younger, hipper supermarket rags. The Globe tells us Angelina Jolie, the Wicked Witch of all points of the compass, is jealous of her four year old daughter.

Bad Mom Alert™:Angelina leaves her family

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 27 September 2010

We have yet another solo story about Angelina Jolie this week. What is the subtext?

Angelina Jolie is evil. This is always the subtext.

Bad Mom and Dad Alert™:BrAngelina fight over Shiloh yet again

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 September 2010

Yet again, the raising of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt makes it to the cover of the supermarket rags. BrAngelina cannot agree on how to deal with their little tomboy and much is the gnashing of teeth and rending of garments.

If you believe Weekly Life & Style.

Bad Mom Alert™:Kim Kardashian's love life ruined by her mom

Publication: In Touch
Date: 7 June 2010

In Touch tells us the problems Kim K has with relationships stem from her mama Kris Jenner.

This makes a lot of sense. After all, we can't expect a young girl who is about to celebrate her 30th birthday to be able to make good decisions on her own. It just has to be someone else's fault, so let's blame mom.

[Sarcasm off].