Mary Tyler Moore cheats death!

Publication: Globe

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

More "Hey, Old Timer!" gossip from the Globe, one of the two supermarket rags that skews older and more morbid than the rest. (The other is the low rent Examiner, a fellow kennel mate at American Media, Inc., owner of the five meanest of the American gossip magazines.) The sub headline reads "secret hospital drama".  "Drama" is code for a story that isn't even remotely similar to the sensationalistic headlines and often false in the bargain.

 

Best wishes to Miss Moore, her family and friends, from a fan.

Hey Old Timer Gossip: Mary Tyler Moore new health drama!

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Globe once again tells us about the health problems of people who became famous back before I graduated high school, which is a very long time ago. They have a picture of Mary Tyler Moore with some unidentified swelling on her cheek and the caption "Photo shocker!" They do not use the words deadly or dying on the cover and they do not say she was hospitalized, so this is just another of the indignities of growing old in the public eye, more or less.

Best wishes to Miss Moore, from a fan.

Meanest Story nominee: Mary Tyler Moore's last hope!

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe wants us to know that Mary Tyler Moore is in bad shape, whether it is true or not. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Secret behind her brain surgery ordeal
• What she's hiding from fans
  

They didn't say she was going to die in any direct way, but "last hope" and "brain surgery" in the same story's headlines can't be good. Best wishes to Ms. Moore, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Hey Old Timer Gossip: Dick Van Dyke had a crush on Mary Tyler Moore.

Publication: Globe
Date: 16 May 2011

The Globe says that Dick Van Dyke will be producing that most important of artifacts in the gossip world, the tell all book. In it, he admits he had a serious crush on his co-star Mary Tyler Moore.

Hey, buddy! Get in line! I mean, back then, who didn't?

Then again, he did play her husband for five seasons. I guess he should be at the front of the line.

Problems With Plastic Alert™:bad surgery anthology

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 27 September 2010

The low rent Examiner spends most of the cover on pictures of women who look awful after plastic surgery. The women on the cover are Mary Tyler Moore, Tanya Tucker, Joan Kennedy, Heather Locklear and Loni Anderson.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Mary Tyler Moore's secret surgery

Publication: Globe
Date: 6 September 2010

With any headline on a supermarket rag, most especially the Examiner and the Globe, you have wonder what the truth is behind the story or if there is any truth at all. The Globe says the star of two of the best sitcoms ever needs surgery to save her leg. Ms. Moore is diabetic, and even when diabetics are careful with their lifestyle, they are susceptible to awful health problems.

Best wishes to Ms. Moore from a fan who was born on her birthday.

Hey Old Timer Gossip:What's wrong with these stars?

Publication:Globe
Date: 9 August 2010

The Globe goes with the vague headline "What's wrong with these stars?" and then shows pictures of five people, four of whom had claims to fame before I left high school (which is a long, long time ago) and one whose first claim to fame comes the summer after I leave high school.

Some of the things wrong with these folks might count as Not Long 4 This World alerts, but they didn't come out and say so on the cover, so it doesn't count.


Technically, Suzanne Somers does not count as Hey Old Timer Gossip. She had a few uncredited roles in movies before I got my high school diploma, but her first noted role in American Graffiti is released two months after I say good bye and good riddance to Alameda High School.

Tanya Tucker is the youngest person on this list and younger than I am, but her first hit Delta Dawn is recorded in 1972 when she is 13, and since I was still in high school, she qualifies as Hey Old Timer Gossip.

Jane Fonda was working when I was in grade school, so she certainly qualifies.

Mary Tyler Moore has a credit before I entered kindergarten as the legs and voice of Sam on Richard Diamond, so she definitely counts.

And old scummy Pat Boone, whose earliest hit came before I was born and whose career was forwarded by the blatantly racist recording industry of the 1950s, qualifies as Hey Old Timer Gossip in anybody's book.

I hope most of these people are okay.