Damn You Skinny Alert™: More skin and bone celebrities.

 Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

The main story on the cover of Weekly Life & Style this week was about too skinny Angelina Jolie.  Two other less famous female celebrities were also mentioned.

They claim Real Housewife Bethenny forgets to eat.

And already too skinny Leann Rimes is allegedly skinnier than ever.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Starving for attention.

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! A lot of stories about celebrities who are too skinny on the covers this week. OK! has a cover story I'm putting in the running for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow, but it also includes two women who are always being called too skinny.

The first is Leann Rimes.

The second is Kate Middleton.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Leann anorexia intervention.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

You may have read elsewhere that Eddie Cibrian is having the worst week ever, but that string of bad news (cancellation of his show, industrial accident, someone crashed a car into his house, ex-wife now a vindictive reality TV star) doesn't even include that his current wife has been given an intervention because she is ridiculously too skinny.

Cibrian might be almost as handsome as Jon Hamm, but Hamm comes across in real life as smart, likable and funny, three adjectives I would not use in Cibrian's case.

Doctors fear Leann is anorexic!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The best publicity a female celebrity can get in the gossip rags is that she's in love, she's getting married or she's having a baby, hopefully in that order. The worst publicity she can get is that she's a home wrecker, bat shit crazy or at the wrong weight.

The best news we have for Leann Rimes is that she isn't bat shit crazy. She stole Eddie Cibrian from his wife and she's way too skinny, which is the reason she's on the cover of Weekly Life & Style this week.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Obsessed with dieting

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Yet another grab bag story about female celebrities who are way too skinny, this time from Weekly Life & Style. Here are the particulars.

• Brad begs Angie to eat as the frail star drops to her lowest weight ever
• Delusional Katie: I'm too fat to make it in Hollywood
• Devastated Taylor: barely eating
• LeAnn: Starving to keep her man
• Stars' Dangerous Tricks for Not Feeling Hungry
  
  

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Hollywood's extreme diets

Publication: OK!

Date: 5 September 2011



A quick scan of the label list shows that Damn You Skinny™ stories are more than twice as common as Damn You Fat™ stories, roughly as common as Bun In The Oven Alerts™. OK! has three women on the cover this week, Gwyneth Paltrow, LeAnn Rimes and Angelina Jolie, with a passel of headlines that aren't connected to specific people, hoping to get someone to open the magazine and read it. In my case, as usual, this clever plan did not work.



Here are the headlines.

• Hollywood's most extreme diets
• Exercising at midnight
• Eating only baby food
• 190 calories per meal
• Who's being healthy and who's in danger!
  
  

Damn You Skinny alert: LeAnn Rimes under 100 lbs.

Publications: In Touch, National Enquirer

Date: 22 August 2011



In Touch is the meanest of the magazines of the non-AMI magazines at about two thirds mean stories. The Enquirer is meanest mag period with about 90% mean stories. But this week, on the same story, In Touch slightly out-means The Flagship on stories tsk-tsking LeAnn Rimes and her weight. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: LeAnn shocker: 95 lbs.
• National Enquirer: LeAnn Rimes down to a bone thin 99 lbs.
  
  New weight loss shocker
  
  
  
  

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Starving to be sexy.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 25 July 2011

Weekly Life & Style goes negative on a bunch of size zero celebrities, including Leann Rimes, pictured above and only one of them is a reality TV star. Here are the headlines.

• William tells Kate to ditch the diet as the size zero princess loses 10 lbs.
• Leann: Skin and bones
• Heidi (Klum): Losing her curves
• Katie (Holmes): No carbs in three months
• Audrina (Patridge): Mom says "Get Skinnier!"
  

On the rocks alert: LeAnn marriage meltdown!

Publication: Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Way back in May 2010, Star wrote something nice about LeAnn Rimes. Since then, it's been nothing but negative stories about her in the most independent of the AMI rags. Though he is not mentioned by name, Star wants us to know that she is having trouble holding on to Eddie Cibrian, the man she stole from another woman.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: LeAnn Rimes and Courtney Love are wasting away.

Publication: Star
Date: 6 June 2011

As we already know, it's the job of female celebrities to look good. The problem is that they can be derided for being too skinny or too muscular just as easily as they can be mocked for being fat and out of shape. LeAnn Rimes has been in the gossip rags a lot over the past year and a half, and besides the stories about breaking up a marriage, there have been several about her body, from looking good to an enboobening alert to being scary skinny. This story counts among the latter category.

And welcome to gossip hell, Courtney Love! The widow Cobain may be a target for other gossip sources, but this is her first mention in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter in a year and a half, and this one is for the sin of being a bag of bones.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding of the year with LeAnn and Eddie!

Publications: People, In Touch
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up in just a few days, but I can't remember who it is getting married.

Oh, yeah, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian!

No, that's not it. Anyway, here are the headlines.

• People: LeAnn & Eddie's wedding album
• In Touch: LeAnn: mistress to married!

You may have noticed a subtle difference in the editorial slants in the two headlines.

Anyway, I'm just playing with you. Later this afternoon and Friday morning, we will be hip deep in Royal Wedding headlines from The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

Bad Help Alert:Hollywood stylists get serious about the dish!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 4 April 2011

I am ambivalent about bad help alerts.

Nannies blabbing to the gossip rags about kids? I disapprove.

Stylists blabbing about hair, make-up and wardrobe? Oh, somebody make some popcorn, this is going to be fun!

Star devotes a huge amount of their cover to dirt about celebrity beauty secrets, some questions given as "Guess who?", which means you will have to buy the magazine yourself to find out because I refuse to open these things unless under serious duress, and several stories where they name names. Here are all the headlines.

• Hollywood stylists tell all the flaws, the fakes, the fights
• Who has a closet just for Spanx?
• Who duct tapes her boobs?
• Who waxes her freaky toes?
• Who has to be sewn into her dresses?
• Who steals from her stylist?
• LeeAnn (Rimes): Starving for attention
• Rihanna: Seeing red
• Jen (Aniston): Finger fungus
• J. LO: Squeeze play (She is the boob duct taper.)
• Camille (Grammer): Closet confidential
• Bethenny (Frankel): Zit fit
  

I only know the boob duct tape story because Star put it on the front page of their website. As much as I might want to know who waxes her freaky toes and who steals from her stylist, I do have rules, and I obey them slavishly except under the most extreme situations.

Enboobening Alert™:LeAnn Rimes' new boobs.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 17 January 2011

It's been a while since we have had an Enboobening Alert™, and even longer since one was actually confirmed. Country singer LeAnn Rimes has made news recently for being either

a) a home wrecker or
b) someone serious about exercise.

As good as she has looked in PhotoShopped pictures (no insult to her, the magazines PhotoShop everything these days), she decided she needed a little more padding in the chestal area and paid for the upgrade, Show in pictures poolside from her recent vacation to Mexico.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:LeAnn Rimes' secret baby news

Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 December 2010

In Touch says LeAnn Rimes has secret baby news. Looking online, earlier rumors were shot down, but there aren't any denials more recent than early November.

Pregnancy rumors in the supermarket rags are very unreliable in general. Some of them are true, but it's really rare that pregnancies are reported in the Only Ten Magazines That Matter before the people involved make an official announcement.

On the Rocks Alert:Eddie betrays LeAnn with his (not yet) ex-wife

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 16 August 2010

According to Star, the romance between LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian has hit a reef, since he has betrayed her by getting back with his ex-wife Brandi.

He looks like the kind of guy who would marry a Brandi, doesn't he?

According to the gossip blog of The Los Angeles Times, Eddie and LeAnn now have set up housekeeping, what with the ink finally dry on her divorce in June, though technically, he is still a married man until his divorce is finalized.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Bikini diets

Publication:National Enquirer
Date: 2 August 2010

If you pictures of women on the beach taken through telephoto lens, you'll love the National Enquirer this week. There are four photos on the cover, one an unflattering "Guess Who?" shot (I don't open the magazine unless there's a damn good reason and I refuse to guess) and the three pictures of women who are identified actually look good.

We have Leann Rimes looking trim.

Lisa Rinna may look a little too skinny for some people's taste, but she's 47 years old and I'm pretty sure that's the look she is going for. Good for her.

Ice-T's wife Coco may look a bit over-inflated for a lot of people's taste, but I am absolutely certain that is the look she is going for. Good for her.

The Flagship was on a long streak of negative stories before this. The last headline of a definitely positive nature was in late May when they reported Rachel Ray lost 25 pounds. They also said Sandra forgave Jesse back in June, but it's debatable whether that is a positive thing or not.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Star's best and worst beach bodies.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 24 May 2010

For one of those covers of "Here's a lot of famous people in bathing suits", this story is remarkably positive in tone. Here's the people who look good at the beach, with accompanying pictures.

• Heidi Klum
• Kim Kardashian
• Leann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian
• Kelly Osbourne
• Audrina Patridge

Here's the list of people who look bad.

• Mariska Hargitay (she has a belly)
• Beyoncé (they didn't like her swimsuit)
  

Inside there are a total of 46. I didn't open the magazine up, as per my usual policy.