Damn You Skinny Alert™: How dieting destroyed their looks

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Lots f stories about extreme dieting this week, including a pile-on attack on one celebrity that will be a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow. Weekly Life & Style says that dieting has ruined the looks of Angelina Jolie, seen here when she was nice and fleshy.

The other actress in this story that has a picture making her look like a skeleton in a dress is Katie Holmes.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Obsessed with dieting

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Yet another grab bag story about female celebrities who are way too skinny, this time from Weekly Life & Style. Here are the particulars.

• Brad begs Angie to eat as the frail star drops to her lowest weight ever
• Delusional Katie: I'm too fat to make it in Hollywood
• Devastated Taylor: barely eating
• LeAnn: Starving to keep her man
• Stars' Dangerous Tricks for Not Feeling Hungry
  
  

Damn You Not Skinny Alert™: Suri Cruise diet at age 5.

Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



In Touch has just the headline "Suri: A Diet at age 5!" with a picture of Suri and her mom Katie at the beach. Neither one looks fat to me.

Damn You Skinny Alerts™: Stars' body struggles.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 22 August 2011

Weekly Life & Style had one of those grab bag stories of good looking female celebrities getting crazy about staying skinny. The person who got the most attention was Kate Middleton, but I split that into a separate story. The original sub-story had a list of four names, but I took the headline about JWoww from Jersey Shore and included that in another story from another mag about her. Here are the other three headlines.

Katie Holmes is starving for fashion.

Angelina Jolie has no time for food.



Cameron Diaz spends hours at the gym and does not eat carbs.

Tell All book alert: Inside Katie Holmes weird Scientology world.

Publication: In Touch

Date: 22 August 2011

In Touch is the meanest of the magazine not owned by American Media, Inc. and now they are following another AMI trend, the hatred of Scientologists. They claim to have a new tell-all book which gives people a glimpse into Katie Holmes' weird world.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Desperate to be skinny.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 8 August 2011

Yet another story about too skinny female celebrities this week. Here are the headlines.

Katie Holmes: Skin and bones
Tom's worried as Katie drops to her lowest weight ever

Kate: Pressure to be perfect

Angelina: Skips Meals and Snubs Carbs

Housewife Taylor: Divorce Stress

Tara Reid: Lipo wasn't enough

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Starving to be sexy.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 25 July 2011

Weekly Life & Style goes negative on a bunch of size zero celebrities, including Leann Rimes, pictured above and only one of them is a reality TV star. Here are the headlines.

• William tells Kate to ditch the diet as the size zero princess loses 10 lbs.
• Leann: Skin and bones
• Heidi (Klum): Losing her curves
• Katie (Holmes): No carbs in three months
• Audrina (Patridge): Mom says "Get Skinnier!"
  

Non scoop of the week! Katie Holmes is pregnant with her second child.

Publication: OK!
Date: 23 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, easily the nicest but hardly the most reliable of the gossip rags, goes big with the story that Katie Holmes is pregnant. Here are the headlines.

• Katie: It's official!
• "Yes, I'm pregnant!"
• A telltale bump, prenatal vitamins - now she tells friends:
• Suri will finally be a big sister

Representatives for Ms. Holmes have already denied the story. This is the fifth story of her being pregnant in the last year and a half.

Note that Star magazine lied about Katie Holmes, she sued them and they settled out of court for a loss, having to apologize and pay. The important difference between that lie and this lie is that Star implied Katie was a drug addict, and drug addicts find it hard to get work. OK! is lying about a pregnancy, and having kids is not a barrier to employment, so I don't expect the lawyers to give OK! a call, even though they got this one wrong.

Pre-emptive scoop of the week! Star apologizes to Katie Holmes!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Wednesdays?!? I don't do this very often, especially when I haven't seen any other covers, but the fact that Star is apologizing to Katie Holmes and giving some undisclosed amount of money to her favorite charity is a big damn deal.

The cover story in question is from January of this year. In point of fact, these magazines lie a lot, but when you say a movie star is a drug addict, it can be shown to inflict financial harm, so Katie called the lawyers. A story that says she's pregnant, a lie that has been told about her several times in the past year and a half, is just as untrue but not equally damaging.

I hope more celebrities get their lawyers after these grease weasels.

Meanest Story nominee: Suri's twisted world.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 4 April 2011

The typical Suri Cruise story in the supermarket rags tells us she is a handful, but this one lays some of the blame on the adults in her life. Here are the sub-headlines.

• plays with x-rated candy
  
• dragged out of bed by Katie for 1 a.m. dinner
  
• still using a pacifier at age 4
  
• What Katie's parents are doing to save Suri
  

You will note that the sperm donor is left completely out of the equation.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Breaking news: Katie Holmes suing AMI, owners of Star magazine.

Publication: TheWrap.com
Date: 1 March 2011

I have wondered what it might take for a celebrity to sue a supermarket rag these days, and now the answer has come. Back in January, the Star had a headline claiming "Katie Holmes drug shocker!" (Side note: I gave it a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week, but it didn't win. Teabaggers showed up and voted for a story about Todd Palin visiting whores. So far, Todd isn't suing, but this might give him ideas.) As usual, this blog just reported on the headline and did not read the story inside, a story which backs off the claims in the headlines almost entirely. No matter, says Ms. Holmes' lawyer, the headline itself is libelous, and is suing AMI, the parent company of the Star, National Enquirer, Sun, Globe and the low rent Examiner, for $50 million in U.S. Federal court.

I have just four words to add to this story.

Good on ya, Katie!

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Humilated Katie Holmes fights back.

Publication: OK!
Date: 14 February 2011

Katie Holmes has hit some bad luck in her career recently. She played Jackie Kennedy in a mini-series that the Kennedy clan effectively squelched from being seen and some indie film she was in being previewed at Sundance got trashed by the critics.

OK! tells us she's fighting back, though exactly how is not made clear.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Kelly Preston's egg donor shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 29 November 2010

The rabid dogs in the AMI kennel have been happy to publish any story that says the Kelly Preston pregnancy is not going well. This week, the lead rabid dog the Enquirer, which I also call The Flagship, says that Kelly is carrying the baby to term but a younger woman was the egg donor. Compare this to the Globe story from two weeks ago that said the pregnancy was fake and some other woman would be giving birth and that baby would be raised by the Travoltas as though it was Kelly's own.

The Enquirer then speculates as to the identity of the egg donor, assuming it must be a younger woman who is also a Scientologist. Possible choices put on the cover include Katie Holmes, Jenna Elfman and Lisa Marie Presley's daughter Danielle Riley Keough.

Bad Help Alert:Celebrity assistants tell all

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 6 September 2010

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Who are the sources for trash about celebrities? Sometimes it's a bitter family member, but the Star tells us that the personal assistants are often the ones who can't keep their traps shut. This is one of those grab bag stories, where a bunch of pictures are shown on the cover and juicy gossip tidbits are thrown out, but if you want to know what person is connected to what tidbit, you have to buy the magazine.

As a point of honor, I refrain from buying the magazine.

Here are the mentioned celebrities in alphabetical order: Katie Holmes, Kourtney Kardashian and her baby Mason, Robert Pattinson, Tyler Perry, Tori Spelling, Britney Spears.

Here are the secrets in no particular order.

• Who sleeps with the help?
• Who manscapes?
• Who is a sext addict?
• Who makes calls on the toilet?
• Who has leaking implants?
• Who scores girls for staffer?

I have no idea what name goes with what salacious tidbit. My only hope is that Tyler Perry is not the one with the leaking implants.

P.S. My sister Jen, who has friends in the movie business, told me years ago she had it on good authority that a big headlining star had a young woman on set whose only job appeared to be Giving Special Service That Men Like. She got listed in the credits as "Assistant to _____ ______". Whenever I see one of those credits, I wonder exactly what that person did.

The star was Bruce Willis.

Celebrity body bloopers

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 9 August 2010

Are you self conscious about your body, and if not, why not?

Seriously, there's a multi-billion dollar industry based on you feeling like crap about how you look. Maybe you are super gorgeous or maybe you just have good self-esteem, but think about it. The economy is in the dumper and at least part of that is your fault.

The Examiner decided to help you with your body image problems, if they exist, by making fun of the flaws of allegedly attractive celebrities. Some of the pictures are five years old or older, but the Examiner is notoriously cheap. If you are asking them to have a cover story that is both true and actually news, they would like to remind you that money does not grow on trees.

Ready to feel better about yourself? Here we go.


Katie Holmes has zits.


Teri Hatcher is scary skinny.


Madonna's arms look weird.


Nicole Kidman's left hand looks like a mutant lobster.


Ashlee Simpson has a strange tongue.

Feel better yet?

You're welcome.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Katie Holmes Baby #2 is on the way (NOT!)

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 9 August 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style proudly states that they TALKED to Katie Holmes and that her second baby is on the way. They include details on the cover about her touching her bump and craving ice cream.

The only problem is the headlines are completely misleading. The bump she was touching was a prosthetic pregnancy outfit she was wearing for a movie where she plays Jackie Kennedy. The few paragraphs on the magazine's website make it clear that while she would like another baby, it's just future plans and wishful thinking right now.

I recently instituted a Meanest Story of the Week feature here at the blog. This one isn't really mean, but it is the Most Dishonest Story of the Week, and a new label is born. Congratulations for winning the first one, Weekly Life & Style!

Stars without make-up

Publication: Star
Date: 2 August 2010

This is not about weight, but being photographed without makeup is probably harder on female celebrities than being photographed in swimwear. Here's my take on the six women on the cover.

Fairly flattering: Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, Kourtney Kardashian
Not so good: Katie Couric, Carrie Underwood

This is the closest I have seen to an unflattering story about Carrie Underwood on the cover of any tabloid so far this year.