Buns in the Oven alerts™! Babies for Carrie and Fergie

 Publication: OK!

Date: 28 Nov. 2011

OK!, the nicest if not the most reliable of the gossip rags, plasters the word "Official!" across their cover this week and announces two pregnancies.

The first is Carrie Underwood.  This has been denied.

The second is Fergie, singer with the Black Eyed Peas, pictured here with her husband Josh Duhamel.  The couple has denied this rumor as well.

Easy rule of thumb.  The only gossip rag where the word "official" really means official is People. All the rest of them make stuff up on a regular basis, nice or otherwise.

Bun in the oven alert™: A baby for Carrie Underwood!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

There have been several rumors about Carrie Underwood being pregnant since her wedding in July 2010, the last flurry of such stories showing up in January. It isn't surprising to get a pregnancy rumor in the supermarket rags, one for which I can find neither confirmation or denial, and since she's married for over a year, there's no scandal attached. What is surprising is that this relatively nice headline shows up in the nasty National Enquirer.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Hot Bodies 2011

Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 6 June 2011

Nothing surprising about good looking celebrities in swimsuits on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. Nothing surprising to see Zac Efron and Kourtney Kardashian featured in such stories. The only slight surprise is to see Carrie Underwood in a bikini for the first time, but not such a surprise that she looks good in one.

Carrie Underwood: How marriage changed me.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 April 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! For the supermarket rags, Dancing With The Stars is much more interesting than American False Idol, but this week the tables are turned there is planted crap about both judge Jennifer Lopez and former winner Carrie Underwood, the most successful of the Idol winners so far. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Newlywed Secrets!
• After finally moving in with Mike, Carrie talks babies, date nights & learning to live together: "It's been fun - and frustrating!"
  

Bun In The Oven Alert™?:Carrie Underwood two months pregnant

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 7 February 2011

Star is having a really bad week. Their big story is that Jennifer Aniston is adopting a Mexican baby, a story that has already been denied. They also have a story that Carrie Underwood is going to have a baby the old fashioned way and is already two months in the family way. The representatives of Ms. Underwood and her husband Mike Fisher are denying this as well.

Of course, if Ms. Underwood does deliver a little bundle of joy this summer, I'll come back and get rid of the "Star fail" label on this post. In general, I believe the denials of publicity hacks before I believe the claims of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 6 December 2010

It isn't surprising to see either Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood on the cover of a supermarket rag. They are the young queens of country music and several publications have shown interest in their respective love lives this year, Carrie happily married and Taylor playing the field with several eligible bachelors, though some of them are rumored to be hairdressers.

What is surprising is to see a negative story about either of these young ladies AND to see it in the low rent Examiner. It's rare for them to run stories about women under 30 years old, and when they do, it's often because a young woman is playing supporting actress to an older woman, like Bristol Palin being a prop for her mom's ambitions or Kate Middleton's sweet young princess in support of the lead character, wicked witch Camilla Parker-Bowles.

Bun In The Oven Alert™?:Carrie's baby news

Publication: In Touch
Date: 8 November 2010

Yet another rumored pregnancy because of a bump. On the front page of their website, In Touch says she wants a family and speculates she is pregnant because of an unflattering picture, standard operating procedure in the gossip rags.

There is neither confirmation or denial of the story this time.

Damn You Skinny Alert™:Carrie's summer slimdown

Publication: In Touch
Date: 23 August 2010

Only two weight related stories in the tabloids this week, both about celebrities slimming down. A few weeks ago, In Touch said Carrie Underwood had baby news, but now there's a story about a summer slimdown, so one of those stories was hooey. The supermarket rags throw around stories of pregnancy a lot, often speculation started any time some female celebrity commits the mortal sin of gaining five pounds.

Love Bird Alert™:Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher at home

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 23 August 2010

No other celebrity gets treated more respectfully by the tabloids than Carrie Underwood. With two stories this week, she now has a total of nine for the year and only one cast her in an unflattering light. Us Weekly gives us a story about the happy newlyweds.

Again, let us recall that she dressed her dog in a little pink tux for the wedding, so nothing less than curing cancer or saving a busload of kids will ever make me respect her.

Stars without make-up

Publication: Star
Date: 2 August 2010

This is not about weight, but being photographed without makeup is probably harder on female celebrities than being photographed in swimwear. Here's my take on the six women on the cover.

Fairly flattering: Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, Kourtney Kardashian
Not so good: Katie Couric, Carrie Underwood

This is the closest I have seen to an unflattering story about Carrie Underwood on the cover of any tabloid so far this year.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Carrie Baby News!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 2 August 2010

This is the sixth story with a Carrie Underwood label this year. Every story has had a positive spin. So far, the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids have taken no interest in her and even In Touch, the nastiest rag that isn't the Enquirer, Globe or Examiner, tells the story of baby news, which for most young newlyweds is good news.

She is far and away the leader for most stories without any negative ones this year. To give you an idea how rare this is, there have even been negative stories about Louis Bardo Bullock, Sandy's adorable adopted baby.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ confirmed:Carrie Underwood gets hitched

Publications: People, Star, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 26 July 2010

Mere mathematical comparisons cannot do justice to exactly how little I care about the life and goings on of Carrie Underwood. If the words epsilon and delta have any meaning to you other than the names of fraternities, you can begin to grasp the minuscule size of my amount of caring.

People is the only magazine that has any details about the wedding on the cover. Ms. Underwood dressed her dog in a little pink tux for her special day.

My tiny amount of caring about Carrie Underwood just shrunk by several orders of magnitude.

Bells Are Ringing alert™:Carrie Underwood's Dream Wedding

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 20 June 2010

There was a flurry of Carrie Underwood stories early this year, but nothing since early March.

All the stories say the same thing. She's in love with a hockey player and they are getting hitched.

Love Bird Alert™:Carrie Underwood in love

Publication: People
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

People got an interview with Carrie Underwood, the country star created by American Idol, but didn't think it was important to mention who it was she's in love with.

She's getting married to a hockey player, if you needed a hint.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Details of the upcoming Carrie Underwood wedding

Publications: OK! and Weekly Life & Style
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

I care about the love life of Carrie Underwood to the sum of zero, but the tabloids can't get enough of it. This week, it's pictures of her wedding dress, in which she looks purdy.

The groom, for his part, has promised not to wear his baseball cap, to have less than two days of stubble and not to have his hair in a mullet.

It's every girl's special day.

Bell Are Ringing Alert™: Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 11 Jan. 2010

I don't watch American Idol and I rarely watch hockey, but these two lovebirds are supposedly tying the knot, and I wish them every happiness.

I think Carrie's sweet on him because he has as many of his own teeth as most of her fans have.