Bells Done Rung™ Alert: Tara's surprise nuptials.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 29 August 2011



Tara Reid often appears on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, usually for being too skinny. In the spring of 2010, In Touch said she would be married in the summer of that year. Since her recent marriage is called a "surprise", I assume last year's engagement fell through and this is some new guy.



Best wishes to all concerned.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Desperate to be skinny.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 8 August 2011

Yet another story about too skinny female celebrities this week. Here are the headlines.

Katie Holmes: Skin and bones
Tom's worried as Katie drops to her lowest weight ever

Kate: Pressure to be perfect

Angelina: Skips Meals and Snubs Carbs

Housewife Taylor: Divorce Stress

Tara Reid: Lipo wasn't enough

Damn You Skinny Alert™: A whole slew of too skinny celebrity women.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 20 June 2011

Star uses most of the cover this week to show women who are too skinny as far as they are concerned. The list includes Ashlee Simpson, Courtney Love, Keira Knightley, Taylor Momsen, Tara Reid, Gretchen Rossi, Candice Swanepoel and a blocked out face "Guess who?" picture of Taylor Armstrong from Real Housewives that was on the cover of Star last April.

The magazine expects their readers have the attention spans of gnats. They may be right as far as that goes.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™: Best and worst celebrity diets, March 2011

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 March 2011

I'm being a little dishonest using this picture to illustrate the Flagship's most recent foray into good and bad celebrity bodies. This picture is supposed to represent an attractive young woman on a diet that works. The Enquirer is also dishonest in their headline, because there is no "best" on the list this week. Everyone is either too fat, scary skinny of over-exercises.

Too fat: Gabourney Sibide (350 lbs.), Jessica Simpson (packs on 25 pounds)
Too skinny: Tara Reid (bag of bones), Gwyneth Paltrow (about 100 lbs.)
Arms too well defined: Cameron Diaz, Sarah Jessica Parker

This is in keeping with the general concept that the National Enquirer doesn't like anybody.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst winter beach bodies YET AGAIN.

Publication: Star

Date: 3 January 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last trash of the week...right now!



So now it has been established. Beach body season runs from January 1 to December 31 in the gossip rags. We could blame Sports Illustrated for this, since their famous swimsuit issue comes out like clockwork in the dead of winter in February every year. But that decision makes sense in terms of the sports calendar, to get an issue with good sales in that bleak season between the end of the Super Bowl and the beginning of March Madness.



The gossip rags have no such logical reason for all the beach body issues, other than the tried and true reason "Girls in bikinis sell magazinis."





Here is the list of the ladies they like.

• Kim Kardashian
• Jennifer Aniston
• Kendra Wilkinson
• Chelsea Clinton

One of these women is not like the others.





Here is the list of the ladies they don't like.

• Julia Roberts doesn't look great from behind
• Tara Reid is scary skinny
• Snooki from Jersey Shore can't afford to put an extra ounce on her tiny frame
• Margaret Cho has too much ink.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Hollywood's deadliest diets

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 September 2010

The Flagship give most of the cover this week to famous people with weight problems. There is a "guess who" picture of someone too fat, a picture of Aretha Franklin, who they say is 300 lbs., a number which is currently sadly believable, and everyone else mentioned is too skinny. They call Tori Spelling scary skinny and give numbers to all the other pictures. Tara Reid is 95 lbs., Elin Nordegren is 110 pounds, Nicole Richie is 83 pounds and Mary Kate Olson is 86 lbs.

The picture above is not of any of the mentioned celebrities. It's of Nicky Hilton a few years back.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™:Tara Reid's wedded bliss

Publication: In Touch

Date: 5 Apr. 2010

A few years back, Tara Reid was a regular in the tabloids. She dated a hell of a lot of athletes, she had plastic surgery nightmares, she was drunk in public more often than Paris Hilton and Britney Spears combined. Apparently, those days are over. She met some Internet entrepreneur, he proposed and they are getting married this summer in a small ceremony.

To all the young hot messes in the tabloids today, let this be a lesson to you.

Best wishes to all concerned.