Breaking news: Woman accusing Justin Bieber drops her lawsuit.

Publication: TMZ.com

Date: 16 Nov. 2011

If you want maximum coverage for a gossip story, leak the news on a Monday like Kim Kardashian did with her divorce.  If you want minimum coverage, Wednesday morning news has to wait eight days and is often largely forgotten.  The young woman who claimed Justin Bieber was the father of her child has retracted her lawsuit after his lawyers threatened to counter-sue.

And this was leaked on a Wednesday.  My best guess is the young woman wants to slink away into relative obscurity.

Bundle of joy alert: Justin Bieber and alleged fatherhood.

Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

Star broke the story of the woman who says Justin Bieber is the father of her baby.  Justin, just 17 years old, is handling this sex scandal much more professionally than Herman Cain, nearly four times his age.  Weekly Life & Style joins the questioning chorus, though I remain highly skeptical.

Here are the headlines.

• Star:  Bieber baby accuser: "I have proof"
• Star exclusive
• Weekly Life & Style: Justin: Ready to be a dad?

Bundle of Joy alert: Woman claims Justin Bieber is the father of her child.

Publication: Star

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Back in the 1990s, Bill Clinton's penis got him in so much trouble it got its own nickname, the Clenis.

Here in the 2010s, we may have to start referring to the Bienis.  Star has uncovered a young woman who says Justin Bieber is the father of her child.  Here are the headlines.

• Justin Bieber is the father of my baby!
• World exclusive
• Baby Tristin and mom Mariah
• 20-year-old's shocking lawsuit
• Where they met
• The paternity test
• 'He told me it was his first time'
• Official court documents

This might become one of the major scoops of the year if it isn't complete nonsense.  This blog takes a wait and see approach at present.

Rich people are rich: The richest teens.

Publication: People

Date: 22 August 2011

People has a story on the world's richest teens, with pictures of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez as junior fat cats instead of puppy love pals.

Bun in the oven alert™?: Justin and Selena pregnancy scare?!

Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK! put the rumor about Selena Gomez being pregnant on the cover two weeks ago, and now Star does the same, putting a "?!" at the end of the sentence to show there is significant doubt.

Vanity Fair put Young Master Bieber on the cover last month and the issue didn't sell well. We can only hope Justin's young fans only pay attention to the modern equivalents of Tiger Beat and not to grown-up gossip rags, else many of them are going to be grief stricken.

Bun in the oven alert™?: Selena & Justin pregnancy rumors

Publication: OK!
Date: 4 July 2011

OK! prints a story about the rumors that Selena Gomez' recent hospital visit might have been due to pregnancy. I have not seen the official denials online yet.

Love Bird Alert™:Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez on vacation.

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 13 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Justin Bieber, the biggest star on the planet, and his girlfriend Selena Gomez were spotted on vacation this week and three different magazines went with the story. Here are the headlines.

• People: Justin & Selena: Young Love!
• Weekly Life & Style: Justin and Selena's sexy vacation
• Star: Justin and Selena HOT

If there is a spike in young female suicide attempts this week, this would be the most likely explanation.

Commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive sent me this picture and asked if it looked like Justin had a little... manly happiness in his swim trunks. It's hard to be definite given the angle of this picture and the cropping, but I know if I was in his situation, there would be some happiness in my swim trunks.

Just sayin'.

Meanest Story nominee: Justin Bieber's mom's suicide shocker.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 March 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Pattie Mallette! The mother of The Biggest Star On The Planet allegedly has some suicide shocker the Enquirer thought you should know about. Searching around online, the only dish I could find about her is that she won't be taking her clothes off for Playboy and she recently canceled Young Master Bieber's phone plan, which is like so totes mean of her!

A young man who can't text might as well be bald and covered with acne, instead of having the softest hair in the world and a dreamy, creamy complexion.

So this story about suicide, not about The Beiber without a cell, is a Meanest Story nominee.

Love Bird Alert™: How Selena won Justin's heart.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 21 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Back in late December, Weekly Life & Style said Justin Bieber and DisneyTeen™ Selena Gomez were a couple. I haven't seen any statistics to see if there was a spike of teenage girl suicides that coincided with the news, but Ms. Gomez' representatives have said there were a number of death threats against her.

This week, Us Weekly confirms they are a couple and we can expect more adolescent girl angst to follow. I almost gave this a Meanest Story nomination, but the cruelty here is very indirect and subtle, so I decided to pass.

Justin Bieber: "Don't let me end up like Michael Jackson!"

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 February 2011

On the cover of Weekly Life & Style, young Justin Bieber asks some unknown entity to prevent his life from becoming like Michael Jackson's.

Young Master Bieber, please don't think I mock you when I give you the label Biggest Star on the Planet. But if we are looking at probabilities for the future, your fate is MUCH more likely to resemble Bobby Sherman's than it is to follow Michael Jackson's.

Just sayin'.

Love Bird Alert™:Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 January 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Teen scream Justin Bieber is currently on tour with DisneyTeen™ Selena Gomez, who as of yet has neither a criminal record or a stay in rehab. The publicists say they are "just friends", both in an attempt to maintain Bieber's massive popularity and to keep the teen suicide rates in check. But as the headline writers at Weekly Life & Style tell us, the photos prove it's love.

Biggest Star on the Planet is Damn Skinny alert:Justin Beiber collapses

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 September 2010

The Flagship said Justin Bieber collapsed and he weighs 108 lbs. Looking around the Internet, his height is somewhere between 5'3" and 5'5", so that weight is low but not impossibly low.

Whether he is going to continue being a star or not as he grows up may be contingent on growing UP, but even being tiny isn't a deal breaker on being a rock star, as Prince and Ronnie Dio can attest.

Love Bird Alert™:Justin Bieber's secret girlfriend

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 12 July 2010

He might not mean anything to you, but even The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are starting to take the hint that Justin Bieber might be one of those teen fads that becomes a real star. Weekly Life & Style says he has a secret girlfriend.

In related news, suicide hotlines are showing a sharp spike in calls from sobbing teen girls.

Love Bird Alert™:Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber on a beach

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 28 June 2010

Fresh trash on Thursday! This week, the lead morning story is Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian holding hands in the Bahamas.

From Justin's point of view: He's 16, for pity's sake. A world full of hot chicks are throwing themselves at him. Even if this is just more publicity nonsense, it's a situation full of win for him.

From Kim's point of view: More publicity. She needs publicity like the rest of us need oxygen.

From his fans' point of view: If they were in charge of this blog, this would be a Skeeter Davis Alert™.

From this blog's point of view: Glomming onto Cristiano Ronaldo first and Justin Bieber now has opened my eyes to the level of Kim K.'s fame whoredom. Also, if the Sophisticated French Rule (half your age plus seven is okay) applies to women as well as men, she shouldn't be pretending to be the girlfriend of anyone younger than 22.

I won't include a picture of the disapproving rabbit, but it was a close call.

Biggest Star On The Planet Alert:All About Justin Bieber!

Publication: People

Date: 19 Apr. 2010

It was just a matter of time before some tabloid had Justin Bieber on the cover, because he is the biggest star in pop music right now. Whether his career will follow the path of Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson into the stratosphere or he ends up like Bobby Sherman or Lief Garrett, no one can say. But the Gold Standard is striking when the iron is hot, and it's all about the rags to riches story, being raised by a teen mom and his screaming, adoring fans.

I hadn't paid any attention to Justin Bieber until just recently, but I did follow the You Tube story about the crying 3 year old and then Bieber surprising her on the Jimmy Kimmel show. He seems like a nice 16 year old kid and I wish him the best.