Meanest story nominee: The Enquirer and Globe gang up on Dr. Conrad Murray.

Publications: National Enquirer, Globe
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

For the first time that I can recall, two stories get lumped together with a chance to win the Meanest Story of the Week competition, as both the Enquirer and Globe both do everything they can to convict Dr. Conrad Murray of the manslaughter of Michael Jackson before the trial is over. Here are the headlines.

• Enquirer: Michael Jackson trial bombshell
  Dr. Murray's death kit found!
  Drugs, bloody needles, patient files and more discovered in his storage locker
• Globe: Michael Jackson murdered!
  What Dr. Death is hiding from jury
  Official court photo - more inside

I haven't been paying attention to the trial, but it's taking place in Los Angeles. Juries down there are capable of anything.

These stories get a joint nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Diana Ross will raise Michael Jackson's kids.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 23 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, 2011 edition, Diana Ross! The low rent Examiner writes that the pop diva has agreed to take care of Michael Jackson's children.

Does Miss Ross strike you as maternal? Yeah, me neither.

Did Miss Ross strike you? Call the tabloids, they would love to hear about it.

Justin Bieber: "Don't let me end up like Michael Jackson!"

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 February 2011

On the cover of Weekly Life & Style, young Justin Bieber asks some unknown entity to prevent his life from becoming like Michael Jackson's.

Young Master Bieber, please don't think I mock you when I give you the label Biggest Star on the Planet. But if we are looking at probabilities for the future, your fate is MUCH more likely to resemble Bobby Sherman's than it is to follow Michael Jackson's.

Just sayin'.