Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?Grave of Elizabeth Edwards' still unmarked.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

The Enquirer tells us that the grave of Elizabeth Edwards is still unmarked and they have exclusive photos.  Though he is not mentioned, this is obviously a continuation of their theme "John Edwards is a scumbag".

You'll get no argument from me, and I voted for the guy.

Bells Done Rung™: Elizabeth Edwards' daughter Cate weds.

(photo courtesy flynet)

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

People wants us to know that Cate Edwards, the daughter of the late Elizabeth Edwards, recently got married.

Technically, she also has to be the daughter of the under indictment scumbag John Edwards, but his name isn't mentioned.

He Fought The Law Alert™: John Edwards' nailed by dead wife's video testimony

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 June 2011

The Enquirer has been the source on every story but one since the beginning of 2010 about John Edwards, and even that story was more about Elizabeth than it was about him. Now there's a fresh story that her video testimony will be damning in a court of law.

I don't know anything more about legal matters than what I watch on TV, but doesn't the defense have a right to cross-examine any witness? It will be interesting to see if any evidence like this actually sees the light of day.

He Fought The Law Alert™: Deathbed video sending John Edwards to jail!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 21 February 2011

The Enquirer loves to ruin people's lives, if possible. There isn't a consistent partisan slant to it. They went after Rush Limbaugh and he had to admit he was a drug addict, though the Enquirer said he would go to jail, which didn't happen. They went after Al Gore as a harrasser of a massage therapist and that story went nowhere. Their biggest success of the past decade was when they nailed John Edwards as a wayward husband and the father of a love child. Not happy with that, they keep playing the story that he is going to jail.

Their latest attempt to send John Edwards to the Big House is because of something incriminating he allegedly said at his wife Elizabeth's death bed. This is the third time the Enquirer was sure that Edwards would be sent to jail. The first time was eleven months ago when they were sure a grand jury indictment was around the corner, and then again in late April, when there was an alleged cover-up of a DUI.

Here's what we know for sure. The Flagship hates John Edwards so much, he's almost an honorary Scientologist.

The Globe bids farewell to the stars we lost in 2010.

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 January 2010

The Globe often has a story in contention for Meanest Story of the Week, but not this time around. They take up most of the cover in tribute to people who died this year, and all they have is pictures with no teaser headlines about tragic secrets or the like. The list includes several people whose deaths wer not mentioned in the Globe before this issue. In no particular order, the names are:

• Tony Curtis
• Dennis Hopper
• John Forsythe
• Rue McLanahan
• Elizabeth Edwards
• Barbara Billingsley
• Leslie Nielsen
• Gary Coleman

And the only person on the list who I will print a picture of here, not out of any disrespect for the others but out of special respect for her. 'Cos she's purdy.

• Miss Lena Horne

Best wishes to the family and friends of all the people on this list, from a fan.

Secrets taken to the grave alert:Elizabeth Edwards' revenge

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 27 December 2010

Let other magazines take the high road, the Enquirer always knows a short cut straight through the muck. Instead of letting Elizabeth Edwards die in peace, they want us to know about the last words she said to her scumbag cheat of a husband that will haunt him forever and the shocking last minute changes to her will.

Stay classy, Enquirer.

People's 2010 Year In Review

Publication: People
Date: 27 December 2010

People has their double-sized year end issue on the stands with five stories, all with brief headlines.

They named Sandra Bullock Woman of the Year. In the gossip rags, she is hands down the best choice.

Like any year end review issue, there are tributes to people who died. They put Elizabeth Edwards on the cover, again an obvious choice.

There's a story about hottest dresses, and they use a picture of Halle Berry as the prototypical example here.

Who can argue?

They promise stories about the best weddings. I thought they might have gone with Chelsea Clinton, but instead it was a more recent ceremony, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden.

And last but not least, there is a category for dream couples, which right now can't be anybody but Wills'N'Kate.

Elizabeth Edwards' Brave Last Days

Publication: People

Date: 20 December 2010

The Gold Standard puts Elizabeth Edwards on the cover less than 48 hours after she dies, a very quick turnaround for a magazine. Another difference between People and the rest of the pack is that they only use "Brave Last Days" to describe someone who has already died. The sub-headline reads "Loved ones recall her courageous life, hard fought battles and devotion to family".

Best wishes to the family and friends of Elizabeth Edwards.

Breaking news:Elizabeth Edwards dead at 61

Publication: Christian Science Monitor
Date: 7 December 2010

Yesterday, the news was that Elizabeth Edwards had suspended cancer treatments because the disease had spread so far. Today, the report is that she died.

Of all the death predictions in the gossip magazines this year, the ones that were also sourced in the legitimate press were the illnesses of Dennis Hopper and Elizabeth Edwards, both of whom are now gone. I really hoped there would be good news for her, but the prognosis was grim and even People magazine gave her a cover story where she said "I wish I had more time." This is the only story from People this year that added to the death watch list.

Best wishes to the family and friends of Elizabeth Edwards, from an admirer.

Missed deadline alert:Elizabeth Edwards is still alive

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 April 2010

Six months ago, the Flagship said Elizabeth Edwards had six months to live. Yet again, a deadline for death has come and gone in the tabloids.

The two people who have lived past a predicted expiration date this year, Dick Clark and Elizabeth Edwards, both have serious health concerns documented in reliable news sources. I publish these admittedly morbid reminders not to mock their situations, but to show that the tabloids really suck at prediction, and the ones who predict death the most often, the Enquirer, Globe and Examiner, a.k.a the Three Wicked Step Sisters, suck more than most.

Best wishes to Elizabeth Edwards.

Not Long 4 This World Alert:Elizabeth Edwards wants more time

Publication: People
Date: 12 July 2010

As I stated in the six month review, the predictions of death usually come from the Three Wicked Stepsisters, The Enquirer, Globe and Examiner. Here's what a Not Long 4 This World alert looks like from The Gold Standard.

Sadly, this adds credence to mid April story in the Enquirer that she only has six months to live.

Not Long 4 This World Alert:Elizabeth Edwards has six months to live.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 26 Apr. 2010

This is the sixth time Elizabeth Edwards has been mentioned in the tabloids this year, and this is the first story that tells us she's dying. But the part of the story that the National Enquirer really wants to tell us is that her scumbag husband John is giving Elizabeth's jewelry away to that unstable skanky ho Rielle Hunter.

Best wishes to Ms. Edwards and her friends, and the friends she still has in her family. Here's hoping that Ms. Edwards lives long past this October.

On the rocks alert:How much more can Elizabeth Edwards take?

Publication: People

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

The part of the human race that actually have feelings have to be on Elizabeth Edwards' side in this train wreck of a marriage, or so thinks The Gold Standard. They look at the recent Rielle Hunter interview in Vanity Fair, a train wreck even from Rielle Hunter's point of view, and they wonder what Ms. Edwards must think.

The National Enquirer, on the other hand, takes the Joker's point of view. They just want to see the world burn.

Or is that the Republican Party platform?

On the rocks alert:Elizabeth Edwards' revenge

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

Two stories about Elizabeth Edwards in the tabs this week, though both also deal with the only reasons she's in the tabs, her trampy husband John and the crazy slut he loves, Rielle Hunter.

The Flagship says she has told the slut in question, "You'll never marry my husband!"

I think that should be amended to "as long as I'm alive."

On the Rocks Alert:John Edwards beat Elizabeth

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

Now that O.J. is in prison, can we find a celebrity everybody can hate just as much but who hasn't faced justice yet? If The Flagship has any say in it, that celebrity will be John Edwards, cheating scumbag now said to be wife beating scumbag.

A love child, a sex tape, beating his wife... the list goes on and on.

Just a quick reminder that not every sexually screwed up politician is Republican.

On The Rocks Alert: Elizabeth Edwards attempts suicide

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 8 Feb. 2010

Here is the difference between The Flagship (Enquirer) and The Gold Standard (People) in a nutshell.

People talked to Elizabeth Edwards and confirmed that she was separating from her scumbag husband John. The Enquirer talked to some source that says she tried to commit suicide.

This is why I will never completely trust the Enquirer. They always try to cast the worst possible light on a story, so no one is going to answer charges brought against them in this rag. Recall that Britney Spears was supposed to be in the nuthouse as of two weeks ago, but she was seen at the Grammys last night. Either it was a really short stay or a clinic with a very relaxed release policy or the Enquirer was just making up crap.

We report, you decide.

On The Rocks Alert: Elizabeth Edwards dumps John

Publication: People
Date: 8 Feb. 2010

If I'm going to call the Enquirer The Flagship, People should be dubbed The Gold Standard. They don't get a lot of stuff wrong. Elizabeth Edwards has finally told her scumbag husband to pack his bags.

Good for you, Liz. We the people who glance at the cover of People are behind you 1000%.

Note: This cover won't be on the stands until tomorrow! See what great service you get here at It's News 2 Them™?