Demon Drugs Alert™: Willie's shocking new medical crisis… because of pot!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

If you want news about Willie Nelson, the low rent Examiner has been your only supermarket rag option this decade. They have written that he is dying, going to prison and helping save wild horses. Now they say he has a medical condition due to smoking marijuana, though they don't use the word "deadly" or "dying", so this does not rise to the level of tabloid death watch.

You don't hear much about people having health problems due to smoking marijuana, but as a non-doctor, I would say that if you do ANYTHING as much as Willie Nelson smokes pot, trouble is likely to arise.

Meanest story nominee: Willie Prison shocker!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a true story this week, also reported by reputable news agencies, that Willie Nelson faces jail time because as they put it, "Judge throws the book at country star".

Here are the details, found online. Willie smokes the herb. We already knew that. He got caught smoking and was put on trial. He's an old guy, and a famous one to boot, so the trial judge said that instead of jail time, Willie could come by the court house and sing Blue Eyes Cryin' In The Rain. ANOTHER butt-inski judge hears about this, says it isn't fair because other people caught smoking herb aren't given this option and, just to be fair, gives the 78 year old singer two years in jail.

You know, just to be fair. Because if we don't apply our stupid draconian laws fairly, people will stop having respect for them.

Through no fault of the low rent Examiner, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee:Willie Nelson dying!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 20 December 2010

Welcome to gossip hell, Willie Nelson! The low rent Examiner says the legendary singer-songwriter is not long for this world, and there are "new fears" after his pot bust.

After Miss Loretta Lynn, I would put Willie Nelson as the second greatest living legend in country music today, and as such, this story gets a visit from the disapproving rabbit.

Though I must say, Mr. Nelson himself can express my disapproval every bit as eloquently as the rabbit can. I also love how cheerful a smile Willie can flash while giving someone the middle digit.

Willie Nelson saves horses from slaughter

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

It isn't exactly news, but one of Willie Nelson's main causes is Habitat for Horses, a group which save horses from being transported to other countries for slaughter. The Examiner, not known for publishing a lot of positive stories about celebrities, gives Willie and his cause the majority of the front page.

Thank you for your hard work and generosity, Mr. Nelson.