Lady Gaga stole my man.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Lady Gaga is not one of the favorite targets of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, but the stories about her tend to have a negative slant. Last year she was labeled a homewrecker, so calling her a man stealer is about par for the course.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Lady Gaga's secret wedding.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!



The Enquirer has a story that Lady Gaga is going to have a secret wedding and tells you, the reader, how you can attend.



This story is odd for several reasons. Let me list them.

1. This is the first time the Enquirer has mentioned Lady Gaga this decade. She's really not aimed at their demographic.
2. It's a generally positive story from the Meanest Tabloid In The United States.
3. If the wedding is a secret, how can any old person in a supermarket checkout line attend?

As odd as the story was, I didn't open the rag up to find the answer to the last question.

Lady Gaga talks love and fame.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 13 June 2011

On the Internet, only two humans are more important than cats: Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga. The Only Ten Magazines That Matter skew towards an older demographic, so Bieber and Gaga aren't the center of the supermarket gossip universe, but they do appear from time to time. This is Lady Gaga's third appearance on a tabloid cover in 2011 and the first positive story about her. The others were in Star.

One more story this year and I promise to get a new picture of her.

Demon Drugs and Demon Rum Alert™: Lady Gaga's family has an intervention.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 9 May 2011

Online gossip sources love Lady Gaga, the supermarket rags not so much. This year, only Star has mentioned her at all and both times it's to tell us she's taking way too many recreational concoctions. Here are the sub-headlines.

• family's last ditch attempt to save her
• drunk all day
• terrifying collapse
• coke & ecstasy

Who knows? Maybe she was born this way.

Demon Drugs Alert™:Lady Gaga hits rock bottom.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 14 February 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow. Last trash of the week... right now!

The demographic of supermarket gossip skews older than the online gossip, so Lady Gaga is barely on the radar of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. This week, the Star tells us she has hit rock bottom. The subheadlines read:

• addicted to coke
• scribbles on walls
• e-mailing graphic nude photos

The only thing that surprises me about this is that no matter what else you might say about her, Lady Gaga is an original artist. This story makes it sound like she's stealing Miley Cyrus' act.