Love bird alert: Mel Gibson's shocking public romp!

Publication: Globe

Date: 21 Nov. 2011

 

I would rather write as little as possible about Mel Gibson, so here are the headlines.

• Who's the sexy gal?
• 5 more photos inside
  

Meanest Story nominee: Celebrity B.O.!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 April 2011

Star has one of those scattershot stories that hits about a jillion celebrities with gossip from their stylists. I've split out one set of three pictures as a separate post with news you can use.

What celebrities stink?

I mean literally.

Kendra Wilkinson is stinky.

Uma Thurman is stinkier.

And Mel Gibson is stinkiest.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert:Oksana Grigorieva says "I thought he would kill me".

Publication: People
Date: 18 October 2010

People has an exclusive interview with Oksana Grigorieva, the woman at the center of the Mel Gibson unpleasantness. It's a little surprising the most respected of the supermarket rags would run this for three reasons.

1. First, Mel Gibson is still a movie star and Oksana is not.
   
2. Second, this is the first mention of the story anywhere in two months.
   
3. Third, OK! already had an exclusive interview with her back in July when this was still major tabloid fodder.

If this story "proves" anything, it's that the industry isn't interested in forgiving Mel Gibson this time and this may actually be the last nail in the coffin for his career.

Meanest story nominee:Celebrity Beaters and Cheaters

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 9 August 2010

Friday is now officially the day for the Meanest Story nominees, and there's plenty to choose from this week. There's a subtext in the tabloids telling the people standing in checkout lines that they actually have it better than the rich people who actually are miserable. The Enquirer's lead story moves the subtext forward and makes it just text.

There are multiple pictures of celebrity women who were beaten, and pictures of guys caught cheating.

Beaten women: Rihanna (pictured above), La Toya Jackson, Mindy MacCready
Guys caught cheating: Don Johnson (with a porn star), Keith Urban
The "Cheaters Hall of Shame": Morgan Freeman, John Edwards, Jesse James
Both beater and cheater: Mel Gibson

This is definitely a mean story and the pictures are hard to look at. Most weeks it would be a favorite to win meanest of the week, but there is stiff competition this time around.

On the Rocks Alert:Robyn Gibson's view of Mel's meltdown

Publications: Globe, National Examiner, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 August 2010

There are three cover stories this week about Mel Gibson's wife of 29 years, Robyn Gibson. Here's a picture from long ago when only his closest friends and family knew that Gibson was a psychotic and bigoted religious nut raised by a dad who was an even bigger psychotic and bigoted religious nut. Here are the headlines.

Globe: Mad Mel begs wife: Take me back!
Examiner: Mel's ex: I told you so!
Weekly Life & Style: What Mel's wife knows

Will this be the end of the story? No, it can't be. You don't go from five supermarket rag headlines to zero. This story has plenty more fuel before it burns itself out.

On the Rocks Alert:Mel's Ex (Oksana) reveals all

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 August 2010

OK! tries to be the nicest of the supermarket rags, but here's where they fail. They decided to get Oksana Grigorieva's side of the Mel Gibson meltdown story. A lot of stuff is going to be happening in months and weeks ahead, and there may not be any "winners" when all is said and done, but Oksana is going to be one of the "losers". No one will care what she said and if Mel makes it through this, you can bet he will hold a grudge.

You So Crazy Alert™:What happened to Mel Gibson

Publication: People
Date: 2 August 2010

There are five stories about Mel Gibson on the covers of the tabloids this week. The People headline is short and vague, which is what we usually expect from OK! In a little bit of the old switcheroo, OK! has a more informative headline.

On the Rocks Alert:Mel hit our baby!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 July 2010

Leave it to the Enquirer to make a bad situation worse. Oksana Grigorieva says Mel Gibson hit their then two month old baby. Technically, other sources say he was physically assaulting Grigorieva while she was holding the baby. While the evidence is strong the incident is true, I also believe this is two crazy people breaking up and there is nothing they won't do to hurt each other.

This would be in contention for Meanest Story of the Week, but this isn't even the worst story on the Enquirer cover as far as I'm concerned. Tomorrow, the this story and three more in contention for meanest will be summarized and a poll will ask the readers which one should win.

You So Crazy Alert™:More bad stuff about Mel Gibson

Publications: People, Star
Date: 26 July 2010

Mel Gibson is on four different covers this week, compared to three covers total for the first six months of the year. One mention is in the WHO WILL DIE FIRST? story in the Globe, already mentioned this morning on the blog, and now two other supermarket rags give somewhat vague headlines about the incidents that have come to light in the past few weeks.

People: Mel Gibson's shocking meltdown
Star: Mel is sick! Threats and rages

There's one more mention which includes new information, posted above.

Not Long 4 This World Alert:DEATH RACE 2010

Publication: Globe
Date: 26 July 2010

Back in January, the Globe had a cover story putting together a line-up of young people who might die, most of them because of drug usage. This week, the headline is WHO WILL DIE FIRST? with pictures of celebrities of varying ages, some who have already been on the celebrity death watch, others getting their first mention in the tabloids of any kind for 2010.

Here's the list. An asterisk by a name means this is the first time they have been put on a death watch this year.

Lisa Marie Presley*: Eating herself to death
Camilla Parker-Bowles: Now weighs 200 lbs.
Mel Gibson: suicidal
Paula Abdul*: addicted to pain pills
Pamela Anderson*: binge drinking
Bret Michaels: shocking secret
Wayne Newton*: Risking it all
Heidi Montag*: surgery obsessed

A few comments.

This is not the standard fare for the Globe. The only person who qualifies for Hey Old Timer Gossip is Wayne Newton, who they mentioned once before when his pregnant daughter fell into a coma this winter. The only "regular" Globe cover girl in this list is Camilla.

If we are to believe this report, and that's a very big if when considering the Globe, the two names that should be taken seriously are Bret Michaels and Pamela Anderson, both of whom have serious documented health problems that are not conducive to hard partying.

The rest of the list... meh. I still don't believe Mel Gibson is suicidal, plenty of people put on weight without dying immediately, and since this is the first mention Paula Abdul or Wayne Newton, I'm going to need independent verification from some publication that actually has a fact-checker on the payroll.

As for Heidi Montag... please. They just wanted to put a picture of her tits on the cover, though it should be said that this is the first time she has graced the cover of any of The Three Wicked Stepsister tabloids.

Not Long 4 This World Alert:Mel Gibson is suicidal

Publication: Globe
Date: 19 July 2010

There is actual news about Mel Gibson today in the show business press and in the blogs of the Los Angeles Times. The William Morris Agency has finally had enough of his nonsense.

And then there's the nonsense in the Globe. They say Mel Gibson is suicidal. It's obvious he's too mean to kill himself, but with this warning he joins Sarah Ferguson and Marie Osmond as people on the Not Long 4 This World list because of alleged suicidal tendencies.

Personally, I don't buy any of these stories, but I find this one the least convincing of all.

You So Crazy Alert™:Racist phone call from Mel Gibson "leaked".

Publication: TMZ online
Date: 1 July 2010

Mel Gibson, conceited piece of crap loser lionized for his torture porn classic Passion of the Christ, didn't just have a bad night when he was arrested a few years back. He's a racist asshole and incredibly mean drunk.

A phone machine message in which Mr. Gibson let go a tirade filled with obscenities and racial slurs at his estranged girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva has become public. Ms. Grigorieva says she did not leak it, but it's out there now.

Don't you love it when lawyers become involved? This shitheel says disgusting crap on tape with full knowledge he is being taped, but if she released it to the public, she's the party to blame.

To be fair and balanced, liberal icon Alec Baldwin had a very disgusting rant on a message machine a few years back. Also being completely impartial, Baldwin is very funny and Mel isn't.

Consider this. Mel Gibson was married to his wife Robyn for 29 years until they divorced last year. She must be a first-class punching bag. He had to put her through this kind of shit as well. Nobody turns this mean this fast.

On the Rocks Alert times five:The Examiner rehashes old stories and hopes you won't notice.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 May 2010

There is a pattern in the Examiner to have a single headline carry multiple sub-stories. We've had the secrets of country and western music stars, the troubles with the law of celebrity kids, the standard "who's gay and who's not stuff" in the past few months, and now we have a bunch of celebrity divorces and break-ups under a single banner headline. Everything in this story has been published someplace else already, but the Examiner is hoping its older readers will have not seen all these before or maybe they have and they've just forgotten.

• Good Catholic Mel Gibson divorced his wife for a hot Russian chick, and he's already given her the bootski
• Richard Chamberlain has left the man he has lived with since Nixon was president
• Susan Sarandon has a hot new boy toy
• Melissa Ethridge and her wife are calling it quits
• Larry King had sex with his wife's sister

If you know you've already heard all these things before, you are obviously not the target market for the Examiner. They can wait, of course. Eventually you will not be able to eat solid food, and then the Examiner will be chock full of news you can use.

They Fought The Law Alert™:Kids of celebrities are no damn good!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 Mar. 2010

The Examiner wants you to know that celebrities make bad parents. Among the celebrities mentioned are Michael Douglas from Wall Street, Priscilla Presley of Naked Gun fame, Moonlighting star Cybill Shepard and star of Lethal Weapon Mel Gibson. I bring up these works from the late 1980s because that's the last time you could actually call all these people "celebrities".

Granted, Mel Gibson is just as famous now as he was back then, but young people might not be aware that he used to be an actor and not just a mouthy anti-Semitic drunk who calls cops "Sugar Tits".

So much information gets lost along the way, even with the Internets to help.