Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst celebrity beach bodies October 2011.

Publication: Star
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Hugh Jackman! The Aussie movie star gets his first mention on the cover of any American gossip rag this decade on a best and worst beach body story. Not surprisingly, the 43 year old gets on the best list. We can also welcome to gossip hell Julie Bowen and Pierce Brosnan, who don't get such nice treatment.

The good.

• Hugh Jackman
• Gwyneth Paltrow
• Kourtney Kardashian, in a rare positive story about that family right now

The bad.

• Uma Thurman has a little belly
• Pierce Brosnan has a big belly
• Kirsten Dunst has a very visible spinal chord
• Julie Bowen looks wrinkly
• Christina Aguilera is getting heavy
  

Meanest Story nominee: Celebrity B.O.!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 April 2011

Star has one of those scattershot stories that hits about a jillion celebrities with gossip from their stylists. I've split out one set of three pictures as a separate post with news you can use.

What celebrities stink?

I mean literally.

Kendra Wilkinson is stinky.

Uma Thurman is stinkier.

And Mel Gibson is stinkiest.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Beauty bloopers in the Star

Publication: Star

Date: 6 December 2010

The Star had a beauty bloopers cover back in July, and they have one again in late November. There were some "Guess Who?" pictures, but I leave those alone, because that would entail me opening the magazine, which I try to avoid unless absolutely necessary.

As we can see in these pictures nicked from TMZ.com, Uma Thurman was seen with white powder that was either cocaine, powdered sugar from a donut or clown make-up.

After workouts, Angelina Jolie has veins that look like ropes.

But worst of all by entertainment standards, Bristol Palin has at least one extra chin.

The Palins are starting to get supermarket coverage that is almost Kardashian-esque, but unlike the Kardashians, none of the gossip rags seem interested in being the Palins' allies at the moment.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst beach bodies

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 November 2010

The end of October seems a strange time to put a beach body issue on the stands, but far be it from me to tell the National Enquirer how to run their business. They have women looking good and bad, some with faces blocked out. I refuse to play the "guess who?" stuff. Here are the women whose names are on the cover.

Not looking good according to the Flagship: Uma Thurman has a belly, Whitney Houston is a mess.
Looking good according to the Flagship: Ivana Trump, who looks okay, and Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife Beth, who has truly obnoxiously large breasts. I link to a picture of her not in swimwear. You can thank me later.