Breaking news: Marie Osmond re-marries first husband Steven Craig

Marie Osmond has re-married her first husband Steven Craig, the somewhat less homophobic one. She chose the exact right time to make sure she wouldn't be on the cover of this week's gossip rags, which hit the stands tomorrow but have already been published.

40 Biggest scandals and shockers of 2010

Publication: Globe
Date: 20 December 2010

When December rolls around, many publications do a year end review, and the Globe is the first of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter to do one in 2010. The kinds of scandals and shockers they promise inside include:

• suicide
• cheating
• gay secrets
• murder
• medical dramas

The pictures that go along with these headlines are Jonbenet Ramsey, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Prince Charles, Marie Osmond, Penny Marshall and Gary Coleman. I'll let you play the match-up game yourself, but be careful! There are people on this list who probably get mentioned in more than one category.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™:Marie Osmond's secret wedding

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 December 2010

This Saturday is wedding day her at the blog, five stories about four different weddings, only one of which is confirmed. The Flagship has been printing nasty stories about Marie Osmond ever since her son committed suicide earlier this year, and now they say she is secretly married. The identity of the groom is given inside, and I have rules about opening these things up, so I don't know who it is, though she has been linked to both ex-husbands in the Globe.

I could find neither confirmation or denial online. I'll assume Ms. Osmond's silence is part of her blanket denial of all the things these jackals print.

Marie Osmond married a monster.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 15 November 2010

After some reputable gossip rags mentioned Marie Osmond's son's suicide early this year, the rabid dogs in the AMI kennel have been after her ever since, and usually the stories implied she was a serious mess. The Flagship changes gears somewhat, blaming Brian Blosil, the father of the suicide victim Michael, Brian's and Marie's adopted son, for all the troubles the family has had. According to the story, he beat her, she blames him for the son's death, and her escape from him saved her and her family.

I'm not much interested in casting blame in this case and I wish the gossip rags would give her some peace. I've never been a fan, but this stuff is just cruelty for cruelty's sake.

Donny and Marie in a legal battle over money

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 October 2010

Wow, yet another mean story about Marie Osmond, and yet again it's in one of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids. The only good news Marie gets is that talking trash about her hasn't been relegated to the low rent Examiner yet.

I don't know if they think they can make money hating her is because her son was gay or because she's Mormon, two things that make her suspicious to the unwashed masses who still buy the Enquirer. It's clear the editors have it in for her, though.

Reality TV's Chilling Curse.

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 Ocotber 2010

The Globe has one of those grab bag cover stories, with multiple pictures of celebrities and multiple problems mentioned. The problems listed are murder, suicide, arrests and sex scandals. The people listed include the following.


Dog the Bounty Hunter. I'm using process of elimination, but my best guess is her is the one involved in the murder. Also, I would say he actually counts as a reality TV star.


Marie Osmond. She would be the one who is linked to suicide, since her son killed himself. Even though she has been on Dancing With The Stars and was a judge on Celebrity Duets, she doesn't count as a reality TV star in my book.

Bret Michaels. Probably the sex scandals. Also, he's been on reality TV, but he was an actual celebrity before that.

There is a fourth person on the list, an awful person from that horrible show I refuse to name. I'm guessing she is the one with the arrests. Like Dog The Bounty Hunter, she does actually count as someone from reality TV. If even the Globe is going to mention people from this show, its influence is probably not going to go away soon, but I still refuse to mention these people until one of them does something that is actually newsworthy, an extremely unlikely event.

Meanest story nominee:Marie Osmond romancing both ex-husbnads

Publication: Globe
Date: 16 August 2010

Without question, Marie Osmond has been through a lot this year. The suicide of her son took a toll on her and all her family. The story is that the biological father of the young man held the standard Mormon position on the topic of homosexuality, which is to say the standard Neanderthal position, while the step father is more enlightened. Regardless of enlightenment, a family has lost a member too soon, and it's only natural that Marie the mother would feel the need to be the anchor in such a difficult time.

The Globe makes it sound like she's a slut. Shame on the Globe.

You So Crazy Alert™:Marie Osmond to mental ward

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 12 July 2010

Back in March after her son committed suicide, the National Enquirer started a vicious attack on Marie Osmond that lasted about a month. She was suicidal, she had lost a scary amount of weight, she was giving up show business. The last story about her was in the Flagship's sister publication, the Globe, and that usually nasty rag said she was getting back together with her ex-husband Steven Craig who was helping her through her hard times.

For three long months, the tabloids were thankfully Marie Osmond free, but now the Flagship is back in full nasty mode, saying she is going to a psycho ward.

I'm not an actual fan of Marie Osmond, but I am a fan of letting people grieve in their own way and not disrespecting them in obviously trying times.

With this story and another I'll talk about on Wednesday, the Enquirer easily wins Nastiest Rag of the Week.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™:Marie Osmond and ex-husband Steven Craig

Publication: Globe

Date: 5 Apr. 2010

I'm not sure of the rules. If one tabloid says someone is suicidal and another says a person has been saved from suicide, should that remove the person from the Not Long 4 This World list?

Clearly, I need a rabbi to clarify this conundrum of tabloidical law.

This is the Globe's first mention of Marie since her son's suicide, and their report says her first husband Steven Craig has saved her from suicide and they are getting re-married. Craig is not the biological father of the son who died. The relationship between her second husband Brian Blosil and the son who killed himself was not good. Blosil is a good Mormon, which means when it come to dealing with a gay son, he's a flaming asshole creep.

Not that I want to pass judgment.

Damn You Skinny Alert:Marie Osmond collapses, weighs 109 pounds

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 29 Mar. 2010

The rest of the tabloid world is leaving Marie Osmond alone in her time of grief, but the Enquirer keeps hammering away at her. Their latest cover story is that she has collapsed and now weighs 109 pounds, which is at least ten pounds underweight for a 5'5" woman.

When one magazine keeps running with negative stories about someone, it usually means they have a well placed source. I hope Marie can find out who it is and stop talking to that person.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Marie Osmond quitting showbiz

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 22 Mar. 2010

Last week, there were four tabloid headlines about Marie Osmond, this week there was one. The Flagship, who said she was suicidal last week, has dialed it down and instead reports this week she is planning to quit show business.

As bad as the sorrows of this world can be, being famous looks like it makes them several times worse.

Not Long 4 This World Alert:Marie Osmond suicidal after son's suicide

Publications: National Enquirer, Star

Date: 15 Mar. 2010

If you like to buy a tabloid on the basis that it will take a tragic story and make it a little worse, The Flagship is an excellent choice, and the Star works on that basis as well. Instead of publishing the story of Marie Osmond's son's suicide, both of these rags are claiming that Marie is suicidal, with the Enquirer adding the extra dollop of innuendo by calling Michael Bryan "Marie's gay son". In the real world, the family has asked that their privacy be respected, but when have the tabloids ever listened to a request like that?

I started this blog with the idea that I wanted to keep track of how often the tabs predicted celebrity deaths and how often they are completely wrong. It is my fondest desire that this is yet another instance of their error.

Note: The picture is from 1999. Michael is kid in front wearing the t-shirt and sweater vest.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Marie Osmond's son's suicide

Publications: In Touch, People

Date: 15 Mar. 2010

Both People and In Touch carry a story on the cover about the suicide of Michael Bryan, formerly Michael Blosil, the 18 year old adopted son of Marie Osmond.

I note in passing that Andrew Koenig's suicide, also from last week, got no coverage in this week's tabs. Koenig was on the sitcom Growing Pains and he was the son of Star Trek actor Walter Koenig.