Kick SEVERAL corpses, why don'tcha? Paul Newman's secret affairs.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Paul Newman!  The low rent Examiner caters to its target demographic with some seriously old Hey Old Timer Gossip.  They say Newman, who was just about too gorgeous for words in his younger days, had secret affairs with Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor and Natalie Wood.  I count Hey Old Timer Gossip as trash about anyone famous before I graduated high school.  With this foursome, all their careers got started before I was born and I'm old.

Rich people are rich: The auction of Elizabeth Taylor's jewels.

Publication: People
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Miss Elizabeth Taylor makes the cover of a gossip rag one more time months after her death, this time announcing the auction of her fabulous jewel collection. Here are the headlines.

• Elizabeth Taylor's Jewels
• Amazing auction sneak peek!

Meanest Story nominee: Trashing Miss Elizabeth Taylor one more time.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 4 July 2011

The low rent Examiner, very fond of Hey Old Timer Gossip, drags the names of four dead people through the mud this week, though the main target of the mudslinging is Miss Elizabeth Taylor, the freshest of the corpses they decided to kick.

First, they say Miss Taylor had a steamy affair with John F. Kennedy.

I'm not completely buying this. Miss Taylor was definitely an "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it" kind of gal.

They also peddle the story that she had a war with Grace Kelly over Prince Rainier.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Secret autopsy reveals foul play in the death of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.

Publication: Globe

Date: 6 June 2011

It's been two months since Miss Elizabeth Taylor died, but she is still one of the most popular gossip topics of 2011 for The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. The Globe is re-hashing the story that foul play might have been involved in her death, this time telling us there was a "secret autopsy".

Best wishes as always to the family and friends of Miss Taylor, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days Alert and Meanest Story nominee: Larry Fortensky brain damaged and dying!

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe isn't quite through with Miss Elizabeth Taylor just yet. They put a story on the cover that her last husband, construction worker Larry Fortensky, is brain damaged and dying, and that Liz left him $1,000,000 in her will.

Best wishes to Mr. Fortensky. This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: A ring for Kim!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 25 April 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style says things are moving forward fast on the marriage front for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. The sub-headline reads "Kim chooses a 10-carat cushion-cut engagement ring. She confirms to Life & Style, 'I've found my wedding dress', and she'll marry Kris this year!"



They add the detail that the ring is "just like Liz Taylor's!" This proves she's serious.



Or something.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha? Miss Elizabeth Taylor's family war explodes!

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 April 2011

You might have thought that dying would make Miss Elizabeth Taylor less interesting to the supermarket gossip rags.

You might have thought that, but you would have been wrong. The Globe wants us to know about the brouhaha over the fortune she left behind. Here are the sub-headlines.

• War over her $1 billion fortune!
• Armed guards surround treasure-filled mansion!
• Estate on lockdown!
• Win! Liz's autographed books & photos worth $$$

Well of course it's on lockdown! Those light-fingered villains from the Globe are making off with autographed books & photos worth $$$!

I swear, they will take the pennies covering your corpse's eyes if nobody is watching.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha? Miss Elizabeth Taylor's secret lover tells all!

Publication: Globe
Date: 18 April 2011

Miss Elizabeth Taylor may be gone, but in the gossip rags she is not forgotten just yet. The Globe says they have information from a secret lover who will tell all. No identification of the coward is given on the cover, and I refuse to open these rags up except in the most dire situations, which does not include this one.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha? Miss Elizabeth Taylor's tell all book!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 April 2011

You might think the gossip rags would lose interest in Miss Elizabeth Taylor now that she's dead, but that would be a miscalculation, especially with the Globe and the low rent Examiner, who revel in Hey Old Timer Gossip. The low rent Examiner says that Miss Taylor left behind that most valuable commodity in the gossip world, the tell all book. The main juicy tidbit from this alleged tome is that Miss Taylor had a secret gay love life.

If what they mean is gays secretly loved Liz Taylor, well... that's not really a secret, is it?

People puts a single picture on their cover this week. Miss Elizabeth Taylor, 1932-2011

Publication: People
Date: 4 April 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Today's stories are all about Miss Elizabeth Taylor, and this one at least actually does not deserve to be called trash. People, as can be expected, put only one photo on the cover, a color corrected version of the picture seen here. Here are their headlines.

• Farewell to a Legend
• Her life
• Her Loves
• Her legacy in pictures
  
  

Besides People, only the Wicked Step Sisters thought it was worth giving the great star a send-off, which just proves that besides being the classiest of the gossip rags, People is the only one with an institutional memory of how important Miss Taylor was in American culture.

Best wishes to the family and friends of Miss Elizabeth Taylor, from a fan.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha?: Elizabeth Taylor didn't have to die!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 April 2011

You can't really expect the truth from the supermarket rags. You can't even expect internal consistency.

Case in point: Last month, it was the Enquirer who had Elizabeth Taylor THE END on the cover of their magazine when the great movie star entered the hospital. It looked like they expected her to be dead before the magazine hit the stands. Now, they say she could have been saved except for a medical mistake, and they promise to tell who is to blame.

They also say they have the deathbed love letter of Miss Taylor to her former husband Larry Fortensky. Their source for this story is Fortensky's sister.

Best wishes to the family and friends of Miss Elizabeth Taylor, America's last true movie star, from a fan.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha? Miss Elizabeth Taylor's secret diaries.

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 April 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Today is reserved for the cover stories in the supermarket rags about Miss Elizabeth Taylor, who died a week ago Wednesday. The Globe says they have their hands on Miss Taylor's secret diaries. They promise 20 pages of coverage inside, and put these teaser headlines on the cover.

• Marilyn Monroe seduced her
• two husbands beat her
• her steamy tryst with JFK
• Deathbed scene, last photo, final words
  

Best wishes to the family and friends of Miss Elizabeth Taylor, from a fan.

Breaking news: Elizabeth Taylor is dead at age 79.

It is being reported in all major news outlets that the legendary actress Elizabeth Taylor has died at the age of 79. As a child star, it was obvious she had a lovely face. When puberty hit, she had an astonishing figure. As for her acting ability, her husband Richard Burton once said "I'd be on the set and I'd think 'She isn't doing anything.' Then I'd see the rushes and I'd know. She's doing everything and she's doing it perfectly."

By all accounts, she was a loyal friend to many a troubled soul, including Montgomery Clift and Michael Jackson just to name two. My mom was eight days older than Liz, which might explain why I always had a soft spot for the star, though I never so much as shook her hand.

Best wishes to the family and friends of Miss Elizabeth Taylor, from a devoted fan.

Brave Last Days Alert:Dying Liz's Final Prayer

Publication: Globe
Date: 14 March 2011

Two months ago, the Globe said Miss Elizabeth Taylor was "tragic" and had a "last wish". Now, she is "dying" and has a "final prayer".

This is the fourth straight week for Miss Taylor on the covers of the Three Wicked Step Sisters, and every story sounds like there's a good chance she will be dead before the magazines are shipped from the presses in Florida. She is still alive. They aren't making up that she has health problems and she is 79 years old, but for those keeping track, Zsa Zsa Gabor is fifteen years older, was found unconscious in a pool of blood last August after breaking her hip, had a leg amputated after an infection, was hospitalized with a second infection after the amputation, shows signs of a possible stroke and is still here some seven months later. If someone has the cash and wants to stay alive, modern medicine is more than happy to oblige.

As always, this blog sends best wishes to Miss Taylor, her family and friends, from a fan.

Meanest Story nominee: Five celebs get the Sad Last Days treatment.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 14 March 2011

In late January 2010, the low rent Examiner had a Sad Last Days round-up of celebrities, naming four people they said were on their last legs. In general, the vultures of the gutter press are terrible at predictions of who will die and when, but last year's list was Dennis Hopper, Rue McLanahan, Barbara Billingsley and Dick Clark. Of that list, only Dick Clark survived to see 2011, which means they got three out of four, much better than the general prediction rate which stands at about one in ten.

This year's list has five people, three who have been marked for death earlier by the tabloids and two new names. Once again, they pick on Bob Barker, Miss Doris Day and Miss Elizabeth Taylor.

New to the death watch list is former First Lady Nancy Reagan.

Also added to the tabloid tontine is star of Gunsmoke James Arness.

Best wishes to the all the people mentioned, their family and friends.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

UPDATE: Miss Elizabeth Taylor died on March 23, 2011.

UPDATE: James Arness died on June 3, 2011.

Meanest Story nominee: Liz Taylor's bitter deathbed battle

Publication: Globe
Date: 7 March 2011

There have been so many stories in the tabloids these past few months about Liz Taylor dying, I get the whole Boy Who Cried Wolf vibe off of all of them. This week once again the Globe puts one on the cover and I give it a Meanest Story nomination. The new detail is that there is some drama about where Miss Taylor will be buried. She wants to be buried next to Richard Burton but his still living widow has other ideas.

This is yet again a reminder of the era when Liz and Dick were THE celebrities and everybody else was at the back of the line.

Brave Last Days Alert: The Enquirer and Globe gang up on Liz Taylor

Publications: National Enquirer, Globe
Date: 28 February 2011

Last week, the Enquirer had a big bold headline saying it was THE END for Miss Elizabeth Taylor. As often happens, the Flagship jumps the gun on this stuff a lot. The real news is that she was diagnosed with congestive heart disease several years ago, she recently entered the hospital in Los Angeles, and while the stay in the hospital is continuing, her doctors say the health of the film legend is steadily improving.

This of course does not stop the Wicked Step Sister tabloids from continuing to shovel dirt on her.

• National Enquirer: Liz: Secret heart operation
• Globe: Dying Liz's last birthday party before being rushed to the hospital with heart failure

Because the Globe put the phrase "last birthday party" in the headline, this counts as an Expiration Date, since they do not expect her to see her birthday in February of next year.

I have no inside information, as usual, but I for one would not bet money against Miss Elizabeth Taylor. Not only is she one of the last living legends in Hollywood and an incomparable beauty, deep down were it really counts, Miss Elizabeth is a tough old bird.

Best wishes as always to Miss Elizabeth Taylor, her friends and family, from a fan.

UPDATE: Miss Elizabeth Taylor died on March 23, 2011, so the prediction that this was her last birthday party is the first correct Expiration Date of 2010-2011. The Enquirer got a lot of credit for saying Michael Jackson had six months to live, but they make these kinds of predictions frequently and almost always get them wrong.

Meanest Story nominee: Elizabeth Taylor THE END

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 21 February 2011

In what shapes up into a very mean week in the supermarket rags, the National Enquirer gets a nomination for taking a Brave Last Days Alert to Defcon 12 for Elizabeth Taylor. The details on the cover include:

• Stroke agony
• Down to 98 lbs.
• On Oxygen
• Tragic new photo

It's without question that she doesn't look good and hasn't for a while. But I chose the picture above to remind folks, especially the young people, that she was one of the prettiest child stars of all time and she turned into one of the most beautiful actresses in Hollywood.

And she was way ahead of the curve on the "I lubs teh kittehs" craze.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days Alert:Tragic Liz's Last Wish

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 January 2010

Once again, the Globe reminds us that Elizabeth Taylor is near death's door. I did not make this a Meanest Story nominee because of a Boy Who Cried Wolf situation. This counts as the fourth Brave Last Days alert for Liz in the past twelve months, and there have been such reports in the gossip rags off and on since she fell ill when Butterfield 8 was in the movie theaters in 1960.

No matter how big a star is, and Liz was one of the biggest, it's hard to hold a candlelight vigil for fifty one years.

Just sayin'.