On the rocks alert: Dolly's shocking secret!

 Publication: National Examiner

Date: 12 Dec. 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow!  Last trash of the week... right now!

The Examiner thinks its readers want to know bad things about Miss Dolly Parton.  Here are their headlines, the villians.

• She no longer lives with hubby (Carl Dean)
• He's in mansion, she's in cottage

Saying bad things about Miss Dolly Parton gets a visit from the disapproving rabbit.

Meanest story nominee: The only country catfight that matters.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

The low rent Examiner has one of those grab bag Who Hates Whom stories on their cover this week, this time dealing with women of country music. I'm ignoring the two preliminary fights to make the main event a Meanest Story of the Week nominee.

According to the low rent Examiner, Miss Loretta Lynn is in a tussle with...

Miss Dolly Parton.

Regular readers will know that when I call some lady "Miss", this means I take a dim view of anyone saying bad things about them.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Dolly lip-synching scandal!

Publication: Globe
Date: 15 August 2011

The Globe believes their readers will be interested in bad stuff written about Miss Dolly Parton.

There is a simple rule here on the blog. Don't write bad stuff about Miss Dolly Parton.

Record execs to Dolly Parton: "You're too old!"

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 15 August 2011

The country part of the music industry is supposed to be built on fan access, but the people running it can be just as creepy as the rest of the very creepy business. The low rent Examiner writes that Miss Dolly Parton's record company wanted to dump her, so she bought the record company.

Good thinking, Miss Dolly. If Columbia could be so stupid as to get rid of Johnny Cash, there is clearly no honor amongst these thieves and you should do everything you can to protect yourself.

Dolly fights to save Dollywood!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 July 2011

The low rent Examiner pretty much owns stories about Miss Dolly Parton in the supermarket rags and usually they are mean. This week, they say her theme park Dollywood is in financial trouble. Given the economy, I wouldn't be surprised if this is true, though I couldn't find confirmation online.

Still, the low rent Examiner is not all up in Miss Parton's personal business, so this almost counts as a positive story as far as they are concerned.

Meanest Story nominee: Dolly Parton hides secret son.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 6 June 2011

The low rent Examiner believes its public wants to hear bad things about Miss Dolly Parton.

Personally, I don't want to hear bad things about Miss Dolly Parton and the disapproving rabbit does not want to hear them either.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the week.

Meanest Story nominee: Queen Latifah declares war on Dolly Parton.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 21 March 2011

According to the low rent Examiner, there is tension on the set of the movie Joyful Noise, which will star Queen Latifah and Miss Dolly Parton. Whether there is a lick of truth to this story or not, it does constitute a tabloid saying bad things about Miss Dolly Parton, even if only indirectly, so it gets a Meanest Story nomination this week.

Meanest Story nominee:"Bombshell" tell-all book about Dolly Parton

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 3 January 2011

You know what we haven't had in ever so long? A story about a tell-all book! They were all the rage back in the early fall, but nothing since the beginning of November.

Well, if we can believe the low rent Examiner, there's a tell-all book coming out about Miss Dolly Parton. Among the details are the affairs she's ashamed of, why she won't divorce and flings with Burt Reynolds and Kenny Rogers.

This is the fourth story about Miss Dolly Parton in the supermarket rags since the beginning of 2010, but this is the first time I have officially called her Miss Dolly Parton. For those of you new to the blog, the title "Miss" has nothing to do with marital status. I do not take kindly to trash being talked about anyone I call "Miss", like Miss Loretta Lynn, Miss Lena Horne and Miss Joanne Woodward.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

What's wrong with Dolly's hands?

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 November 2010

This is the third story about Dolly Parton this year in the tabloids, all the stories in the Examiner or the Globe, the two rags that specialize in Hey Old Timer Gossip. They don't like her much.


The rabbit says how I feel about speaking ill of Dolly Parton.

Comfy Shoes Alert™:Dolly Parton in love with a woman

Pulbication: Globe
Date: 20 September 2010

The Globe takes up most of the cover to out Dolly Parton as a lesbian. According to Number One Comment Person Karen Zipdrive, this is about as surprising as when Ricky Martin came out.

I personally don't keep track of Miss Parton's comings and goings. Whenever I've seen her on TV, she seems like a nice person.

Bad Mom Alert™:Dolly lied about her children

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 26 Apr. 2010

Among the stars of country and western music that the National Examiner decided to trash on the front cover of their rag this week is Dolly Parton. I know that when it comes to mocking Dolly Parton, you are bound by law to make some comment about her enormous hooters, but I am not in the mood to mock Dolly Parton.

I like Dolly's voice. She's an excellent songwriter, which means a whole lot in Matty Boy's book. She's chosen interesting people to work with, like Emmylou Harris and Linda Ronstadt, just to name a few. Every time I've seen her on a talk show, she seems like that nice waitress from the coffee shop who calls everybody "Hon", but everybody feels like when she says it to them, she really means it.

So when the National Examiner tells us Dolly lied about her children, I don't think less of Dolly, I think less of the National Examiner.

If that's possible.