Rich people are rich: Inside the homes of the stars!

Publication: People
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

People has an exclusive story touring the homes of several stars, including Simon Cowell, Lauren Conrad, Cher and more.

Secrets of American False Idol

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 14 February 2011

It's not good news for American False Idol that the low rent Examiner thinks the show will be popular with their target demographic of old shut-ins. Just to show how out of step the tabloid is, the stories they mention on the cover are that Simon Cowell is a pervert and Kelly Clarkson was caught in a love triangle.

Cowell is no longer with the show and Clarkson was the winner back in the first season that ended in 2002. Not exactly the hottest iron to strike with, though her career is still one of the most successful launched by the show, only eclipsed by Carrie Underwood so far.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for February 2011.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 February 2011

Do you ever get tired of story after story about who is gay and who isn't in Hollywood? If so, you probably do not have a future career as a writer in the AMI kennel, most especially at the low rent Examiner. There are nine people pictured on the cover this week.

Here are the ones who are openly gay.

• Neil Patrick Harris
• Jane Lynch
• Meredith Baxter

Here are the ones who aren't, and personally I consider it none of my business with whom they are having sex.

• Paula Deen
• Jon Cryer
• Marcia Cross (rumors a few years ago, all denied)
• Simon Cowell (there are more rumors about someone else on Idol)
  
• Alex Trebek
• Michael Weatherly

I do not know what the article said about these people and I really don't care, because the low rent Examiner lies through their teeth way too often.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Simon and Ryan's back stage brawl

Publication: Globe

Date: 19 Apr. 2010

While the tabloids have gone crazy for Dancing With The Stars, there's still American Idol, the most popular show of the decade. There must be some dirt on that show, right?

According to the Globe, Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell had a backstage brawl. Looking at their relatives sizes, the smart money is on Simon.

But millionaires going out in public on a red carpet wearing t-shirts? This forces me to introduce a new element and new label to the blog, the disapproving rabbit.

Guys! Spend some cash! Show some pride! The public has reasonable expectations of decorum.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Ellen and Simon are wrecking American Idol

Publication: Globe

Date: 15 Mar. 2010

The end of the tabloid week is upon us, and on Wednesdays I write up the headlines that didn't interest me that much during the week.

Once again, we are told that Ellen and Simon don't get along and that they are ruining American Idol.

For me, this isn't good enough. I want to see the "Brave Last Days" alert or "Not Long 4 This World" alert for this show. Just let me know when this nonsense will end and then I'll be happy.

Bells are Ringing Alert:Simon Cowell and Mezghan Hussainy

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 Mar. 2010

While Tuesday will feature stories about fat and way too skinny, here are two people who are very pleasantly trim and attractive.

He is a fathead, however.

The Globe says Simon Cowell, aggressively middlebrow jerk, is getting married to his longtime girlfriend Mezghan Hussainy. She has been seen wearing a very large ring. Representatives for Cowell are denying the marriage rumors, but you can't deny she wearing a big rock.

Make of this what you will.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Ellen and Simon still not getting along

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 22 Feb. 2010

What's the difference between this week's story and last week's story on the same topic? Different supermarket rag.

I still care to the sum of zero.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 15 Feb. 2010

To paraphrase Chris Rock, in the history of not giving a crap, nobody ever gave less of a crap than the crap I give about any subject dealing with American Idol.

But Simon and Ellen aren't playing nice, so it's worth a tabloid headline.