Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst winter beach bodies for early May 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 9 May 2011

The Flagship has been doing a lot of beach body covers recently, and while they call them best and worst, most of the cover pictures tend to the worst. The only exception this time around is a flattering picture of Serena Williams that shows off her remarkable butt, if you like that sort of thing. There is a "Guess Who?" of some actress who is enormously fat, but I didn't open the magazine up to find out who. Most of the rest are way too skinny. Here are the headlines.

• Steve Tyler - dude looks like a lady
• Serena Williams - buns of steel
• Kathy Griffin - needs a burger and a tan
• Taylor Armstrong - guess which Housewife?
  
  

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for January 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 January 2011

Once again, The Flagship wants to tell you who is gay and who isn't. Several of the women mentioned have kissed other women on the lips onstage, which obviously has the Enquirer readers in a tizzy, and several of the men have dressed in drag. Here is the list.

• Sandra Bullock
• Scarlett Johansson
• Susan Boyle
• Tracy Morgan
• Kathy Griffin
• Dustin Hoffman
• Macaulay Culkin

And then there's... Sarah Palin?!?

They even added the subheadline "her lesbian secret".

As my Comfy Shoe wearing friends have written when I told them this... WTF?

I'm not buying it, Flagship, and I hate the bitch.