On the rocks alert: Caroline Kennedy saves Maria Shriver from divorce hell!

Publication: Globe
Date: 22 August 2011

In June, it looked like the Arnold and Maria split might have legs, but here we are in mid-August and the story has been ignored. One theory for this is that he's too powerful and the magazines are trying not to piss him off. Another theory would be that the story is less interesting because Maria is not a young woman capable of maternity. A third would be that none of the gossip rags has a source near enough to the couple that will dig up fresh dirt.

In any case, the Globe goes with a story that includes Caroline Kennedy coming to cousin Maria's rescue. Here are the headlines.

• Caroline Kennedy's revenge on cheating Arnold!
• She rescues cousin Maria from divorce hell!
  

Meanest story nominee: Maria Shriver collapses.

Publication: Globe
Date: 18 July 2011

According to the Globe, Maria Shriver collapsed just days before signing the divorce papers. Technically, she has filed for divorce, but most people use the phrase "divorce papers" to signify the finalization contract that both parties are compelled to sign.

In any case, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Annoying label bookkeeping #10

This is just a link to the post above.

This way we can have all the labels listed.

Man Slut Alert: More on the Arnold unpleasantness.

Publications: Globe, National Enquirer
Date: 27 June 2011

The only magazines currently still interested in Arnold Schwarzenegger's cheating ass are the Enquirer and the Globe, so as you can imagine, there isn't a whole lot of forgiveness in the stories. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Arnold's mistress breaks her silence
  Secret about their love child
  Her confession to Maria "I cried and dropped to my knees!"
• Globe: Cheating Arnold begs Maria: Take me back!
  She tells him: Go to hell!

The Enquirer has a picture of Mildred Baena and her son Joseph.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Plastic surgery shockers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 June 2011

The Enquirer once again smacks women around for the sin of getting old and blames plastic surgeons. The targets this time around are Cher, Goldie Hawn, Courtney Love, Lara Flynn Boyle, Tina Louise and Maria Shriver. There were also three "Guess who?" sets of boobs, but that would mean opening the magazine.

As much as I like boobs, it wasn't temptation enough.

On the rocks alert: More from the Arnold and Maria circus

Publications: People, Globe, National Enquirer, Star

Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! In an interesting grouping, it's the richer dogs in the AMI kennel and People who are continuing with the story of Arnold and Maria and God only know how many other women. Here are the headlines.

• People: Maria's torment - new details
• Globe: Cheating Schwarzenegger sex tape shocker
• National Enquirer: Arnold's $500 million divorce
• maid's best friend tells all
• Arnold used taxpayer's money for mistresses
• Maria taking his whole fortune
• Star: Maria to Arnold: "You're a pig!"
• 32 women 2 more kids
• caught in bed with housekeeper
• She'll spill his dirtiest secret
• Decades of lies and betrayal
• Shocking inside details from the mag that broke the story

I'd like to address the Star's contention that they are the magazine that broke the story.

Bullshit.

The reason she threw him out was because of the love child from a decade ago. That is NOT the story the AMI rags were pushing at first. They had some woman named Gigi Goyette who claimed to be his mistress. It was an entirely different story and the Star is trying to lie about it not two weeks after the fact. Arnold and Maria weren't worth a single cover story in 2010 and none in 2011 until this month. Also, both People and the Enquirer had it on the cover first AND all of them were scooped by the regular daily press.

On the rocks alert: More on the Arnold and Maria split.

Publication: People
Date: 30 May 2011

Because we now know more about the story, the gossip rags have not yet let go of the story of Arnold and Maria and the love child born over 10 years ago. Here is what People put on the cover.

• Arnold admits to love child
  Maria's Broken Heart
  Inside their split
  How a 10-year old secret destroyed the marriage of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  'This is a painful time.' says Shriver

On the rocks alert: Arnold and Maria split.

Publications: People, National Enquirer
Date: 23 May 2011

As is to be expected, the split in the marriage of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver made it to the front pages of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, specifically People and the National Enquirer, the Luke and Darth of the tabloid world. Here are the headlines.

• People: Maria & Arnold Split
• National Enquirer: Schwarzenegger cheating scandal
  shocking reason Maria is divorcing Arnold

As usual, People stays calm and the Enquirer jumps to the worst conclusion, though it's hard to imagine an alternate theory.

Breaking news: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver separate.

Publication: Associated Press (via the Huffington Thing)
Date: 9 May 2011

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have announced that they are separating.

Shit. I thought Kennedy girls put up with anything. Either she's grown some self-esteem or he is even a more miserable scumbag than I had previously imagined.

It could be both.

This is usually where I wish all concerned the best, but when Arnold became governor, I had work and then I didn't because he cut the community college budget.

I hope he contracts something slow and painful.