Bells Done Rung Alert™: The secret wedding of Sandra and Ryan

Publication: Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! It's hard to tell what is true in the gossip rags unless you have heard it verified by the people involved or in more reputable sources, but you do have to admire the attention to detail in some of this phony baloney. Case in point, Star uses up most of the front cover to say that Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds secretly married recently. Here are the headlines.

• Sandra & Ryan's secret Texas Wedding
• Shock of the year
• Backyard ceremony
• The best man: Louis!
• Only 25 guests

I love the idea that Louis was best man. I hope he didn't get carried away when he made the toast to the happy couple.

This week's Sandra and Ryan stories.

Publications: In Touch, Star, OK!, National Enquirer
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Lots of stories about Sandra and Ryan this week, but not much consensus. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Ryan make Sandra happier than ever with a baby at 47!
  PLUS Why Ryan is the perfect dad!
  OK! exclusive
• Star: New drama for Ryan & Sandra: his ex gets involved
• In Touch: Sandra: New dad for Louis
• National Enquirer: Sandra betrayed by Ryan!
  He still loves ex-wife Scarlett

Love Bird Alert™: More on Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds.

Publications: OK!, Star

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Regardless of denials, the supermarket rags are determined to get Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock together. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Ryan caught at Sandra's house
• Star: Ryan & Sandra adopting together!
  
  A sister for Louis

Color me unconvinced.

Bells are Ringing Alert™ and Love Bird Alert: Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds yet again.

Publications: OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two magazines once again want to make more of the Sandra Bullock-Ryan Reynolds friendship, though the story has been denied in the past. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Sandra & Ryan getting married
  
  Exclusive photos & details of their secret getaway
  
  Ryan's acting like a dad.
  
  Inside their hush-hush romance
• OK!: Sandra & Ryan: Together again
  
  new pics inside
  
  

The picture on the cover of Star that looks paternal is Sandra and Ryan hiking with little Louis being carried by him instead of her.

Love Bird Alert™: Plenty of stories about Sandra Bullock.All including Ryan Reynolds.

Publications: People, In Touch, Star, Us Weekly

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Sandra Bullock is back with a vengeance, four cover stories about her in a single week. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Ryan & Sandra's second chance
• Us Weekly: Sandra & Ryan: Why they can't let go
• Star: Sandra & Ryan: Love is in the air
• People: How Sandra Got Her Groove Back!
  
  Her New Life
  
  The Joy of Louis
  
  Her happy single life
  
  The truth about Ryan Reynolds

My read on this is that Sandy got wind of stories in the making and decided to talk to People, the magazine she trusted with adorable little Louis' debut, to nip the rumors in the bud.

On the rocks AND Love Bird Alert™:Ryan's side of the story

Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 24 January 2011

I thought there was a good chance that Sandra Bullock, the number one cover girl of 2010 on The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, might fade back out of the gossip spotlight this year after she dumped Jesse James, but that does not appear to be the case. She and Ryan Reynolds get three headlines ignoring Scarlett Johannson this week, though another player, Sandy's adopted son Louis Bardo Bullock, becomes part of the story.

• In Touch: Ryan & Sandra's romantic getaway
• Weekly Life & Style: Ryan meets Sandra's baby
• Us Weekly: Ryan and Sandra bonding over baby

I am still not convinced that the Reynolds-Bullock relationship is romantic, though it might become so in time. The only part of this story I buy 100% is that Ryan Reynolds is a Right Thinking American, though technically born in Canada, because all Right Thinking Americans must love Louis Bardo Bullock.

A baby sister for Louis?

Publication: Star
Date: 6 December 2010

Star magazine says Sandra Bullock is planning to adopt again so that Louis will have a sister. This story has already been shot down by Sandra's publicist.

It should be noted that Sandy has so far snubbed all the dogs in the AMI kennel since she went public with Louis' adoption back in May. There have been photo shoots in all the non-AMI supermarket rags (People, In Touch, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly) and nothing in the five magazines owned by AMI. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this can't possibly be a coincidence.

So this looks like the Star trying to offer an olive branch by publishing a nice but false story and Sandy shooting them down. Good for Sandy.

Sandra Bullock vacation photos

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 1 November 2010

The tabloids gave Sandra Bullock the week off last week, so there are two stories about her this week. One was really about Jesse James getting dumped, so Sandy was only involved peripherally, and this one is about a vacation she took with young Louis.

Rich people are rich alert:Sandra's $50,000 gift for Louis

Publication: In Touch
Date: 18 October 2010

In Touch tells us that Sandra Bullock has bought some undisclosed gift for her adopted son Louis Bardo Bullock to the tune of $50,000. These kinds of stories are meant to engender either awe or anger in the people standing in line at supermarket checkout stands, clutching their coupons for soap.

Mostly anger, I would imagine.

Sandy's fresh start.

Publication: People
Date: 30 August 2010

Other supermarket rags this week focused on Jesse James being seen in public with another woman. People got an exclusive interview with Sandra Bullock. Her view of how her life is going is a little different from the tabloid view. The most important thing that happened in her life recently is that the adoption of Louis Bardo Bullock is now complete.

I am not actually a confidant of Sandra Bullock, but I have to believe her thought process goes something like this.

I married a guy who used to be married to a porn star. Major warning sign ignored! Okay, that was a mistake, but I'm not Hillary Clinton or Tammy Wynette. I have a lick of sense and a shred of dignity, so this rodeo clown is out the door.

So, he's dating again? Am I crushed? Hello? As I stated previously, I have a lick of sense. It wasn't like I expected this cooze hound to become a monk. I've moved on. If he finds someone to have sex with before I do, that's completely expected. His standards are much, much lower than mine are now. I tried low standards once and I got him. That's not happening again.

Meanest Story nominee:Louis Bardo Bullock's life in danger

(photo nicked from blackcelebkids.com website)

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 16 August 2010

Here's another story that looks like American Media, Inc. (AMI) exacting revenge. The biggest tabloid scoop of the year hands down is Sandra Bullock's adoption of little Louis Bardo Bullock, the adorable little fat baby all right thinking Americans love with all their hearts. Every supermarket rag has had a photo shot with little Louis EXCEPT for the five owned by AMI.

The Enquirer uses the bulk of their cover this week to tell us that Louis' life is in danger, that there have been kidnap plots and death threats, her car has been swept for bombs, she's hired 15 bodyguards and the FBI is investigating a murder for hire.

Let me state the obvious. Even if a word of this is true, and that's always a legitimate question when dealing with the scumbag headline writers for the Enquirer, you don't make a situation like this public unless the family wants you to make it public, and there's no way in HELL Sandy made such a deal with the scumbags who run this magazine.

I've instituted a poll each week for Meanest Story of the Week, but I don't have to tell you which one gets my vote. Usually, the Enquirer has a picture of their new cover for the week up on the website by Wednesday evening, which I use to get a head start on the fresh trash. It's Friday morning and they still haven't put the new cover up and there is no link to this particular crap anywhere on the website. It's kind of like trying to figure out what the Chinese government under Mao would do next by reading wall posters, but I'm guessing that even some people who work for the Enquirer realize they crossed a very bad line.

If Sandy can sue these scum out of existence, it would be a mitzvah.

Bundle of joy alert:Even more pictures of Sandy and Louis

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 14 June 2010

Weekly Life & Style joins the four other "nice" supermarket rags who have featured Louis Bardo Bullock on the front cover. The "not nice" rags are the Enquirer, Examiner, Globe, Star and Sun. Those are the five owned by American Media, Inc.

I guess Sandy doesn't like them as much.

Sometimes, the lady exhibits good taste.

Good Mom Alert:Sandra Bullock and Louis

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 31 May 2010

Sandra Bullock is still a popular cover girl on the supermarket rags and may overtake Brangelina as the number one most mentioned topic of the year, but the number of stories is definitely waning and little Louis is now also an important focus. The Us Weekly story tells us how she's coping, how much the new baby is helping, who she is leaning on for support and her secret deal with Jesse James.

Bundle of joy alert:More pictures of Sandy and Louis

Publications: People, OK!
Date: 24 May 2010

Sandra Bullock has had almost as many cover stories about her as BrAngelina as a couple have had, though not nearly as many when you include stories separately told about Angie or Brad or the kids.

If the new stories are going to include pictures of her and little Louis, I wholeheartedly approve.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Sandy's troubles with her darling baby

Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 17 May 2010

It was two weeks ago tomorrow that People scored the gossip news coup of the year introducing Sandra Bullock's adopted son Louis to the world. It was a big win for her, but the truly big win for real celebrities is when the tabloids ignore them. (On the other end of the fame scale, it's a huge win for people from reality TV when the supermarket rags mention them.) Sandy is still some time away from getting that much deserved win.

Three of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter have stories about Sandy and Louis on the cover.

In Touch: Sandra's baby joy & tears
Us Weekly: Why Sandy hid baby
OK!: Sandra could lose baby

All of these stories, even from the incredibly positive OK!, have some negativity to them. Think they are bitter about being scooped?

Sandra Bullock's adopted son Louis

Publication: People

Date: 10 May 2010

I have often made comments about the trouble supermarket tabloids are in and how their business model works against them. Publishing once a week with a two day lag time between printing and hitting the stands means scoops are very hard to come by.

Okay, now I eat some crow. I like it cooked tandoori style if it's all the same to you.

People and Sandra Bullock conspired brilliantly to release two blockbuster scoops simultaneously. Yes, she will divorce the scumbag Jesse James, and, oh by the way, she adopted a baby from New Orleans named Louis three months ago.

This is the "50 Most Beautiful People" double issue, and usually it would be a great big picture of Julia Roberts or George Clooney or Halle Berry on the cover and no mention of anything like breaking news. But instead it's very happy Sandy holding little Louis, an adorably fat baby who is already working on his totally cool 'tude.

Congratulations to everyone involved. In the space of days, with one picture on the cover of one magazine, Sandra Bullock goes from being a sad victim to a happy and gracious champion once again.